Beavis and Butt-Head · Season 8
Well this isn't very good.
So uh, is Bella a zombie? She's just standing there with her mouth open and she acts like she's dead...
Shhh! Quiet!
Ehh, sorry, sorry.
I will fight for you until your heart stops beating. And then I will still love you. And then I will keep loving you, until the end of time...
[more reactions from the girls in the theater]
How come everyone whispers in these movies?
They're probably embarrassed. What do you think?
Shhh! Shut up!
'Beavis: Oh sorry. Sorry.
[as Beavis and Butt-Head approach, thinking he is a werewolf] Women? Let me tell you something about women. They're all right. They're fiiiine when they don't know what's happening. I don't think you no listening to me! No listen to me! You no listen to me!!
Uhh, thank you oh great master for your wisdom. But, uh, we were like wondering if you could like, bite us?
Yeah me too.
You got a dollar?
Uhh, we have gum.[offers gum]
Ah, like me gum! [ingests the gum and proceeds to ferociously bite Beavis and Butt-Head repeatedly]
[amongst saying "ow"] Cool!
[also saying "ow"] You don't have to go crazy!
Okay that's enough!
[drops both boys] Ahhh, like me gum!
[getting up and limping away] Dammit, that hurt.
Don't worry, Beavis. It'll be worth it.
[infected with a string of diseases] Being a werewolf hurts my bones...
Being a werewolf hurts my bones.
Yeah. It makes my eyes hurt.
Whoa! You're crying!
What, no I'm not!
You're crying like a girl!
No way! I am not! Dammit!
You're moved.
I am not moved! Shut up! I don't know what it is.
This is amazing!
So, like, yesterday, you we're crying.
Shut up, Butt-head! I was not!
That's why so many readers find Atticus' speech so moving.
Uh... I Mr. Van Driessen. I bet Beavis was really moved by it.
Cut it off, Butt-Head.
Cuz yesterday, I saw him crying.
No, I wasn't!
It's okay to be touched, Beavis.
Yeah, Beavis was touched.
SHUT UP! I WAS NOT CRYING BUTT-HEAD!
Hey guys, what's up?
Hey Stewart, have you heard the news?
SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD.
No, what?
Beavis was crying.
SHUT UP! I WAS NOT! I WAS NOT CRYING! I wasn't. Something happened to my eyes. It was that onion.
Uh... attention everyone. [everyone looks at him] Beavis was crying.
DAMMIT! I WAS NOT CRYING!
You will climb the rope, touch the ceiling, and descend, all within 30 seconds. Are there any questions?
Uh, I have a question. What happens if Beavis starts crying?
AAH! I WAS NOT CRYING! I WAS NOT CRYING! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
Coach Buzzcut [struggling to restrain Beavis]: You will beat the crap out of Butt-head on your own time!
It's alright to cry; crying takes the sad out of you.
[flashforwarding to 80 years later, Beavis and Butt-head have grown old as they are at a retirement home as they're getting old]
Hey, Beavis.
What?
You were crying!
I was not! I was not crying! [Old Butt-Head laughs but his laughter brings on a heart attack and he passes away] I'm serious. I was not crying, Butt-Head. I'm not crying now either. [pushes him with his wheelchair, satisfied] Butthole.
[Notices Beavis and Butt-head just sitting on the sidewalk while working on his lawn] Now I know these tired old eyes ain't seeing two able bodied young men just lollygagging.
Uh, can you like, shut up?
Say what?!
We're waiting for this dude to like, let us have his daughter's hand.
Huh. And I thought your generation had given up on being proper gentlemen. So, which one of you is fixing to win the hand of this little lady?
Uh, right here!
Me. Yeah, me!
Hmm. A love triangle, huh? Well, I guess you two will have to tangle since you know she can't give her hand to both of you.
Yeah, but she's got two of 'em.
Jumping Jesus, son! A gal gives her hand to just one fellow. Now, let me give you boys a little tip: no one ever got anywhere just waiting around. When it comes to women, there's nothing wrong with being a little persistent.
Uh...
Damn it, boys! If you want that girl's hand, get off your keisters and go get it!
He's right, Beavis. We've waited long enough.
Yeah. Her hand must be rested enough by now. [As they walk back to the house] Boing!
Ah, young love.
[working for tech-support] Uhh, ma'am, can you say trackball again?
Track...ball...
Yeah, I tried that, and, it still didn't work. And, I tried it again, but, you know, I keep getting the same error, and-
Uh, do people ever tell you you sound boring on the phone? Can you like, shut up, and tell me how to get this computer to show porn?
What?! You've got to be kidding me! Where's your supervisor?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
