Grab his schlong!
S6 E4Date Watchers
S6 E5Blood Pressure
I'll trade you for these diapers. You can poop in them.
S6 E6Babysitting
You're not suppose to touch him, Beavis. It's like against the law or something...
S6 E8Stewart Is Missing
SSStewart's Mom
It's not like Stewart to miss lunch!
I bet. He's fat.
Maybe he has diarrhea.
SSStewart's Mom
[crying] He does NOT have diarrhea. I'm his mother, I would know if he had diarrhea.
Have you looked in the garbage can?
SSStewart's Mom
[crying] Oh no, you...
Beavis, you dumbass, why'd you tell her that? ... Stewart doesn't fit in a garbage can, dumbass, remember? If you wanted to put Stewart in a garbage can, you'd have to like, cut him up into little pieces.
SSStewart's Mom
My poor Stewart! What could have happened to him?
um...Maybe somebody killed him and burried him in a shallow grave. [Stewart's mom sobs louder] Um...what's the matter?
S6 E10Sprout
Now, Beavis and Butt-head, if you could grow any type of food, what would you grow?
Heh heh. Um...nachos.
Nachos aren't a plant, dumbass. They, like, make 'em from stuff.
That's right, Butt-head. And corn is an excellent choice. Or, as the Native Americans call it, "maize".
No, no, no. We want to grow nachos.
In a few months, Beavis, when the corn grows, you'll be able to make your own nachos.
Yeah, but we can go to Maxi-Mart and get some right now.
Yeah, but this is school. They have to do everything ass-backwards.
S6 E11Prank Call
Harry [answering his phone] um...Hello...?
Beavis uh...uh...YOU SUCK! [toilet flushes]
Harry [answering the phone] Yeah?
[Butt-Head manages to do number two whilst on the phone]
[toilet flushes]
Beavis [in the background]: It's Harry Sachz!!!
[The boys have just prank called Harry Sachz, and Harry calls them back]
Uh, hello?
HSHarry Sachz
Hey, congratulations. You just won yourself a free pizza.
Cool!
HSHarry Sachz
We'll be happy to deliver it right over to your house. What's your address?
Uhh...
HSHarry Sachz
You don't know your own address?
Uhh...
HSHarry Sachz
Uh, tell you what. Do you have any mail around? Read me the address off of that.
Hey, Beavis. Do we, like, have any mail around?
Uh, let's see. Just that stuff we took out of Stewart's mailbox.
[into phone] Uh, okay.
HSHarry Sachz
Good. Now, what does it say?
Uh, Stewart Stevenson, uh, 67 Maple Street. Now hurry up and get that pizza over here. I'm hungry.
[Butt-head hangs up, then Harry Sachz does and breaks his pencil while laughing]
Harry Sachz [After giving a bog-wash to Mr. Stevenson]: Listen very carefully, funny man! If you ever, EVER, call me again, I swear I'll find you, where ever you are, and I'll GUT you! [Undoes Mr. Stevenson's pants] And just to be sure you DON'T call me, I'm gonna stick your phone where you're gonna have an AWFUL HARD TIME DIALLING IT!
No, please, no... [Sachz shoves phone up Mr. Stevenson's anus]
[reading the phone book] Uhm…Sa-Sachz…Ha…rry…Hairy Sack. [laughs]
Harry Sack! [laughs]
HHarry
[answering the phone] Yeah?
[Butt-head manages to do number two whilst on the phone; toilet flushes]
[in the background] It's Harry Sachz!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.