[In a kindergarten class]
Hey Beavis. These chicks are flat.
S5 E1Held Back
[The kindergarten class are read a book by their teacher]
KTKindergarden Teacher
Butt-head, are you angry?
I'm, like, angry at numbers.
There's like, too many of 'em and stuff.
[Both are taken to the principal's office by the kindergarten teacher]
Kindergarten Teacher [To the principal]: Get these two imbeciles out my class, or find yourself a new kindergarten teacher!
[The pair are brought back to Highland High, where there's a disagreement between the two principals]
Star pupils? My ass! These two are morons!
WEWilson Elementary Principal
You just weren't reaching them. They've learned everything they're going to learn in elementary school. Their young minds need room to grow, so we graduated them early. And they're not coming back.
[Principal walks off]
Butt-head [to McVicker]: You just weren't reaching us, dude.
Yeah, and if you try reaching for us, I'll kick you in the nads!
Oh, for crying out loud!
[McVicker walks back into the school, followed by Beavis and Butt-head]
[Beavis and Butt-head are in the 8th grade. A young Quinn Morgendorffer(in a different hairstyle and clothes than in Daria) is paying attention. Butt-head touches her arm.]
So, have you ever like been with an older man?(laughs)
QQuinn
(creeped out by Butt-head) Leave me alone, you loser.
[laughs] Loser.
(I don't think that's Quinn, but I'll grant that she looks similar.)
S5 E2Killing Time
Hey Butt-head. I think I might throw up.
Cool. That might like, take some time.
[leans over and gags, then coughs] ...I can't do it.
[gags as well] Uh...me neither. And there's like, an hour and a lot of minutes before something cool's on TV. Time sucks.
[holding an empty garbage can] Now remember the rules, Beavis. I throw it at you, then you throw it at me.
Um, I don't get it. How do you win? [is hit in the head with the can, and falls over]
[laughs] That was cool.
What do we do now?
Uh...we could do homework.
[both laugh]
Hey guys, what are you doing?
Hey Butt-head. Stewart can like, kill some time.
Uh, yeah. Say something, Stewart.
Really? You wanna talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Let's go to the mall, I know this great new place-
[interrupting] This sucks.
Yeah.
[both get up and leave]
[not realizing they have left] We could go to my house. I have this awesome new video game.
S5 E3Beard Boys
WOWoman on TV
Oh Steve, my career as a leading molecular biologist seems so far away.
MMan
Yea, but I'm not.
WWoman
Damn you're smooth. oooooohhhhh!
Whoa! We gotta get us one of those!
What, a testicular biologist?
No dumbass, a beard. We don't score because chicks don't think we're manly enough.
You know what they say Beavis, when you walk the walk you gotta...uhhh, talk too.
What's that mean?
It means we gotta hit on the chicks, assmunch. Otherwise they'll just think we're like, all looks. Check out those chicks over there!
Hey baby--
Hey baby-- Check out our beards.
Damn, we're smooth.
GGirl
We're gonna call the cops if y'all don't leave us alone.
That sucked.
Yeah.
repeated line
Damn, we're/you're smooth.
S5 E4Choke
[choking] Beavis?
Yea Butt-Head?
I'm..[gasps]..I'm.. [gasps again] I'm
Agh, I hate this stupid game. [Butt-Head grabs Beavis's throat] AGH AHG!. Uhh choking, your choking?
Butt-Head knods and points to the box of chicken nuggets on the couch.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.