[eating a burger] Huh huh huh. Hey, Beavis, how's that new soda?
Mmm, mh heh, it's pretty good.
S7 E2Vaya Con Cornholio
IImmigration Officer
Hey, you! ¿Habla español?
Español? Es-bunghole!
OOfficer
Oh, yeah. And he keeps saying that he needs "TP for his bunghole".
What the hell's a bunghole?
You are a bunghole! And so am I. There will be many more bungholes after me!
OOfficer
[reading from dictionary] Bunghole: a hole in a barrel or keg used for pouring in or drawing out liquid.
This kid's messed up. Let's take him back to Mexico. We'll have the federales deal with him.
OOfficer
Come on, Cornholio. It's time to go home.
Are you threatening me? You will give me TP!
OOfficer
I know your bunghole needs TP. We'll get you plenty of TP, and your bunghole will be just fine.
I'd hate for my bungholio to get polio.
You must feed the almighty bunghole!
OOfficer
I'm with immigration, and if you don't show me some proof of residency I'm gonna have to take you with
You can take me, but you cannot take my bunghole!
[arriving Mexico] Aaahh, is this Nicaragua? I will take this land for my bunghole! Long live the almighty bunghole!
[going to Mexico] I'm the great Cornholio. There will be TP for everyman. No man should be without TP.
Alright, so what do we know about this kid?
OOfficer
I picked him up at Burger World, but he didn't have any I.D., or anything. Says his name is "Cornholio."
The hell kind of a name is that? Is that his first name, or last?
OOfficer
Um...I dunno, it's the only name he gives.
Cornholio...could be Spanish. Probably Italian. Doubtful.
OOfficer
Well, that little bastard devoured my taco burrito combo on the ride over.
Well, probably Mexican.
OOfficer
Says he's from Lake Titicaca.
Lake Titicaca?
Lake Titicaca! Titicaca!
Alright, find out where the hell Lake Titicaca is.
Nicaragua!
Nicaragua?
Agua for my bunghole! Bunghole!
OOfficer
Oh, yeah. And he keeps saying he needs "T.P." for his "bunghole."
What the hell's a bunghole? Can you find out what a bunghole is?
You are a bunghole! And so am I. There will be more bungholes after me!
OOfficer
[reading from dictionary] Here, I got the dictionary. "Bunghole: a hole in a barrel or keg used for pouring in or drawing out liquid."
This kid's messed up. Just take him back to Mexico and drop him off with the others. Let the federales deal with him.
OOfficer
Okay, Cornholio. Time to go back home.
Are you threatening me? You will give me T.P., bunghole!
OOfficer
Yeah, yeah. Alright. I know your bunghole needs T.P. We'll get you plenty of T.P., just as soon as we get you back to Mexico. And your bunghole will be just fine.
I would hate for my bungholio to get polio.
OOfficer
Me too. Come on. This way, Cornholio.
The bunghole! It is nothing to be ashamed of.
S7 E4Ding Dong Ditch
Check it out, this trick rules! It's like we ring the door bell and then we run away.
Yeah yeah, OK.
MAMan at the door
Yeah?
We tricked him.
He's probably like "uhh, there is nobody here. I wonder who did that."
MAMan at the door
Hey, what the hell is wrong with you two. Do that again I'll kick your ass.
Hey Butt-head, did we do that right?
Eeeh, I don't know. Maybe we're supposed to like run away before anyone opens the door. Let's try it again.
Yeah, this is gonna be cool.
So like, this time remember to run away before they come to the door.
Ooi, OK. "before." That was cool!
Yeah! They're gonna be pissed.
Uhhm, nobody is coming out, Butt-head.
Maybe whoever lives there has like a broken leg or something and it takes long time to get to the door.
Yeah, that will be pretty cool!
Yeah!
Hey, Butt-head, let's ring it again!
Eeeh, OK.
Let me ring it.
No way, Beavis. You rang it last time.
No way. You did dill-hole!
Uhh, wait a minute. Uhh, I think we forgot to ring the door bell, Beavis.
Dammit, this is really hard, Butt-head!
Yeah but it's cool once you get it right. Come on.
MAMan at the door
What do you want? What? What are you doin'?
Did you see that? That was pretty cool!
Beavis, you screwed it up again! You're supposed to run before he comes to the door.
No, dammit! I don't know when he's gonna come to the door. This sucks!
Dumbass!
NWNeighbour Woman
Where are you goin'?
NWNeighbour Woman's Husband
The neighbours asked if I pick up their mail while they're away on vacation.
Hey, Beavis. I hope whoever lives here is like taking a dump.
He gotta run to the door.
Dammit, what the hell is taking so long!
Yeah really, let's do it again. What's wrong with these people?
I don't know. They must be stupid.
Are you sure we get it right this time?
Eeh, yeah.
[The family living there just arrives their house.]
FGFamily guy
God, it's good to be back home huh again? What a trip!
Hey Butt-head, they weren't even home.
That sucks!
[Beavis and Butt-head return home.]
Ding dong ditch is hard.
Yeah yeah, that sucks. What a waste of time!
Maybe we were like doing something wrong. We need practice. Hey Beavis, you pretend you're at home, and I'll like do it to you.
Yeah yeah practice.
[Butt-head goes out and rings the door bell.]
Who do that? Hello, dammit! Nobody here, dammit! Bunghole! Ooh yeah, that worked pretty good, yeah.
S7 E6A Very Special Episode
[trying to pronounce "symptoms"] Sym-sym-Simpsons? Uh, they're pretty cool.
[after Butt-head tosses a baby bird into the air]
Hey, Butt-head, you "flipped the bird." heh heh.
S7 E7Dumbasses Anonymous
BBartender
I already told you kids! You don't have ID, you look underage, and if I serve you, I'll go to jail!!
Uhh...how about one for the road?
Yeah, like one to help me forget or something?
JFJoe from AA meeting
Don't worry, man, these are good kids. Y'know, you guys remind me a lot of when I was your age.
Yeah, some day we're gonna be just like you.
Yeah, we're gonna be drunk. (Joe falls on the floor in drunken stupor)
BBartender
Look, I told you kids! You got no I.D., you look underage, and if I serve you, I'll go to jail!
Oh. Uhh…how about one for the road?
Yeah, like one to help me forget or something?
BBartender
Get outta here! Both of you!
JFJoe from AA meeting
Oh, yeah! Hey, it's okay, bartender. These are good kids. Y'know, you boys remind me of me I was a kid.
Yeah, some day we're gonna be just like you.
Yeah, we're gonna be drunk. [Joe falls on the floor in drunken stupor]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.