Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Damn, we're/you're smooth.

Beavis

Uh chicken? Your choking your chicken?

Beavis

  Yeah, yeah, yeah…tinkleh tinkleh tinkle!

Beavis

But master, does not the fire needs water too? Does not the mountain needs the storm? Does not your scrotum needs kicking?

Beavis

The chick said it changes colour if your pregnant so, [reads French instructions] Esay la Peesee la Pregwa... Okay [tries sticking the test tube in his belly button] Maybe it goes in here...

Beavis

[mutters] It better not change color. [whizzes in pregnancy test tube] It turned yellow! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Beavis

[tired, some time at least a day later, when school is back in session and Mr. Van Driessen asks Butt-head where he is] I get the crane with the wrecking ball, and the bulldozer, one of those really nice shovels, and a backhoe and a forklift, a front end loader and a combine. and um...a getaway car and some rubbers. Only then will I score. Butt-head?

Beavis

  Ummm, yea, hehheh.

Beavis

I was like, AGHH!! MY LEG!! Uh I mean, AGHH!! MY NECK!!!

Beavis

[To a criminal about butt-head]He keeps calling me "buttknocker" & he won't stop & IT PISSE ME OFF!!!

Beavis

Let's get outta here before he screws us all!

Beavis

Who do that? Hello, dammit! Nobody here, dammit! Bunghole! Ooh yeah, that worked pretty good, yeah.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head, you "flipped the bird." heh heh.

Beavis

[in Cornholio's voice] Do you have any tsetse flies? Hehe. Teetsie!

Beavis

Some day I'd like to be like that. Ya know, a kid finds a dead bird, ya give him 20 bucks for it. Now that's cool.