Dr. Krieger quotes from Archer

Krieger

These corporate bag munchers owe me $630 for my GODDAMN FLEX ACCOUNT.

Dr. Krieger

Almost as cool as my van.

Krieger

I need access to a two-inch drain, hot water, three GFCI outlets--this bathroom should do nicely--and a pot of coffee just like I like my women: black, bitter, preferably fair trade.

Krieger

Uhhh ... SMOKEBOMB! [runs away]

Krieger

[Running a Geiger counter back and forth over a glowing green pig, causing it to consistently go off the scale] Well, Pigley 3, that would certainly explain the glowing... [Runs the Geiger counter over his own crotch, causing it to go off the scale as well] And probably a few other things...

Krieger

Is it murder if they were my own clones? [beat] I'm seriously asking.

Dr. Krieger

[on Elke] Like to get a physical from her.

Cyril

Or with her.

Lana

[performing painful nerve hold on Cyril] I wonder if Dr. Panty Model knows how many pounds of pressure it takes to snap a human collarbone.

Cyril

She probably uses the metric system.

Pam

Yeah, what do they use--kilowatts?

Dr. Krieger

No. In this case, it would be pascals.

Cheryl

Hey, Europe: be gayer.

Malory

Lana, release him!

Lana

As you wish. [She releases Cyril] I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Cyril

I find your mannish hands disturbing.

Pam

I think they're kinda sexy.

Lana

Excuse me?

Cheryl

They're fingers, Pam. Not kielbasas.

Archer

Jesus, Krieger, you're still taping bum fights?

Krieger

No, now I'm into something... darker.

Krieger

I've developed a proprietary chemical compound which may come in handy. I call it Formula K.

Archer

And it makes you temporarily gay?

Krieger

I dunno. Just started human testing [whispering] by dosing Danny the Intern's coffee.

[in singsong voice] Danny is definitely feeling something!

Archer

I'll pass.

Krieger

Suit yourself. [Takes a pill] Just means more for me and Danny.

[singsong] Who is LOV-ing it!

Pam

You know, I think we're making some real progress.

Cheryl

Where, in opposite world? We're never gonna finish all this!

Pam

We could, if certain people would help!

Krieger

[Standing behind stacked cardboard boxes] I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.

Pam

And that's the reason I never have sex with my coworkers. That... and no one ever lets me.

Krieger

I've had good results with ether.

Krieger

Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me.

Pam

And I'm so open to that.

Cheryl

I love that you know how to do that.

Krieger

And I love that I have an erection... that doesn't involve homeless people.

Cheryl

I'm sorry, Krieger, but it's over. So here's all your Creedence Clearwater albums back.

Krieger

And now, a sad moon is on the rise.

Cheryl

I know, devastating. But it's not you, it's your weak womany hands.

Krieger

They're not...

Cheryl

It's like being choked by a child. Which I thought would be hot, but...

Krieger

No, wait! I'll take steroids!

Cheryl

I can't wait! I need a man now, with monster hands.

Krieger

[as his mechanical robot hand chokes Cheryl] Oh, God! Sorry!

Cheryl

What are you doing?!

Krieger

I thought you said "start slacking off."

Cheryl

Not "slacking off"!