Archer quotes

339 total quotes

Anka: Are you insane?!
Archer: No. Just incredibly Pissed Off!

Anka: I'm from Germany, where the age of consent is 14.
Archer: What is it, the Alabama of Europe?
Anka: In many ways, yes.

Archer: [Describing an Ocelot's paw-prints] They look just like a housecat's, but bigger and awesomer.

Archer: [Staring at his back-lit, in-car minibar] It's like looking into the face of God.

Archer: [To Barry] How are you not dead?
Barry: The Russians turned me into the unholy abomination of metal fused with flesh that now stands before you.

Archer: [To Lana] Oh, OK! Then, I guess just pout!

Archer: [To Woodhouse] Macrobiotic food. Find out what that is and start cooking it.

Archer: [While being choked by Barry] Wow, Barry, you're like super-strong!
Barry: Yeah, did I mention I'm a cyborg?

Archer: AGH! Eat a dick, jungle!

Archer: Frickin' ODIN.
Lana: How many are there?
Archer: About a gillion.
Lana: Dammit.
Archer: A gillion gay, little copy-cats.
Lana: What?
Archer: I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana. But I was the first to see it's potential as a tactical garment. The Tactical Turtleneck, Lana. The... Tactleneck!

Archer: Fuck you, Switzerland

Archer: He's headed for the coast road!
Ray: Thanks Captain Obvious!

Archer: I feel terrible.
Malory: That's because those ODIN ghouls drained a fifth of your blood!
Archer: Oh, hey, speaking of fifth...
Malory: A drink's the last thing you need!

Archer: I saved her life! Go ask that dick I set on fire.

Archer: I've always wanted to fight on top of a moving train.
Bilko: Well, if I know my boys, you might get your chance, big guy.
Archer: Thanks, Freddy Foreshadowing.