You've cheated on Lana plenty.
Yeah, but with starlets, models. Oh, and one time, two actual princesses.
Two at the same time?
Yeah. They were sisters.
Sploosh!
“Dial M for Mother” · Season 1, Episode 10
In this episode: Malory Archer (3), Cyril Figgis (3), Cheryl Tunt (2), Dr. Krieger (2), Lana Kane (1), Pam Poovey (1), Ray Gillette (1), Mallory (1)
You just destroyed my innocence!
Oh, please! That Brazilian au pair did that when you were 13.
12!
I'm sorry, Krieger, but it's over. So here's all your Creedence Clearwater albums back.
And now, a sad moon is on the rise.
I know, devastating. But it's not you, it's your weak womany hands.
They're not...
It's like being choked by a child. Which I thought would be hot, but...
No, wait! I'll take steroids!
I can't wait! I need a man now, with monster hands.
[Discussing his plan to kidnap Archer] Turn him into, how you say, vole?
RSRussian Soldier
I think you mean mole.
Ah?
RSRussian Soldier
Mole. Vole is also rodent but more closely related to lemming.
[Lana has learned of Cyril's multiple affairs during their relationship]
Okay, we've got the French chick, and Carol, and-- anybody else, Ram-bone?
Uh, no...
["Scatterbrain" Jane walks by the open office door]
JJane
Hi, Cyril. [laughing and coughing]
Well...
Scatterbrain Jane?! Really?
Well, see, she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer...
Oh right, I forgot, your dick's full of radiation and mastectomy coupons.
Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.
Yuuup.
[as his mechanical robot hand chokes Cheryl] Oh, God! Sorry!
[He shuts the hand off]
What are you doing?!
I thought you said "start slacking off."
Not "slacking off"!
Hey! Kidnappers! Super not in the mood for this right now!
Why are you even here?
Hello... [holding up number to bid on sex with Lana]
But you're gay!
Girl, please, nobody's that gay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.