[sounding like Cyril] Hello...
What in the name of prepaid venereal disease do you think your doing?
I... uh...
KKatya
Darling, I know she is old, but you allow such talk from your secretary?
“Double Trouble” · Season 2, Episode 13
In this episode: Malory Archer (11), Ray Gillette (5), Barry (5), Lana Kane (2), Pam Poovey (1), Dr. Krieger (1), Major Jackov (1), Russian (1)
And don't you want to freshen up after your long ride?
Phrasing, Mother!
Almost as cool as my van.
This deuce aint gonna drop itself!
You realise I can never unhear that? ... Why are you crying?
Because I got ripped in a bar last night and I was trying to beat my record for cramming pool balls in my mouth when some a-hole slaps me on the back and...
No! You swallowed a pool ball?
I wish just one. And I've still got two to go, so if you don't mind. [Closes door]
Pam, wait! I had something... what was it? ... Uh, something about stripes and solids.
If I tell you all at once, your head might explode... Along with comb over.
It's ok, it was just cancer sex.
So you! [Smack] Can you hack into the KGB servers?
BBilbo
pfft... Does one ring rule them all?
For God's sake woman, are you hearing yourself? He's your son, not a...
Ray, she got him to quit drinking...
[Lifts guns] So what's the plan?
Wait, does Canada even have a spy agency?
KKatya
Yes, but...
Wha-- why? Haha, it's Canada.
So, Comrade Bionic Barry, can you solve my Kasnova problem?
Yeah, probably. If I knew and/or cared what that was. But since I don't and/or do not, I'm going to kill and/or murder Sterling Archer.
I swear, if any one saw me in this awful van.
How could they with this illegal ass window tint. Dude, this van is like, rolling probable cause.
So all ashore from the S.S. Date Rape.
Toot toot.
Is anybody hit? Not really the explosive climax I thought it was gonna be.
Is nobody gonna touch that? Seriously?
Yeah, it is the first thing they'd do. It's like, counter-intelligence 101.
How 'bout a disgraced former minister. Long story, kinda boring, but I am still licensed by the state to perform marriages, the irony of which is not lost on me.
[To Barry] How are you not dead?
The Russians turned me into the unholy abomination of metal fused with flesh that now stands before you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.