Yeah, they're shooting at you!
Who?
The storm ninjas!
What? That's not a thing, idiot! [beat] Oh. I stand corrected.
“White Elephant” · Season 5, Episode 1
In this episode: Cheryl Tunt (4), Cyril Figgis (4), Dr. Krieger (4), Malory Archer (3), Pam Poovey (3), Lana Kane (2), Ray Gillette (2)
Son of a...bitches, I am pregnant!
Yes! Who could forget, with the bastard spawn of a total stranger.
Okay, first of all... [flashbang lands near Cyril] Cover your eyes and ears!
You're not the boss of me! [flashbang goes off] Meep? Meep?
Well, he died doing what he loved...getting shot.
FFBI Agent
Uh, sir? It's like you said. He's dug in there like a tick and...
Never! You'll never take me alive!
HAgent Holly
[sighs] Okay, breach it.
FFBI Agent
Roger that. [detonates breaching charge]
On second thought, I very much prefer to be taken alive. Just let me clear the ol' browser history and—no, no, no, no, n— [agents choke-tackle him] OOF! Oh, come on!
I said Ms. Archer had an affair with the head of the KGB for like 30 years.
Yeah, until he got blown up. Which was actually my fault.
Because she was busy having choke-sex with a murderous cyborg who then became the new head of the KGB.
Until I built a sexier one out of illegal Soviet parts. And a corpse.
Oh, Jesus I forgot about the...
Giant pot farm in West Virginia.
And this whole other thing with the Yakuza.
Irish mob.
Piracy.
White slavery.
No, actual piracy. With, like, boats.
Is it murder if they were my own clones? [beat] I'm seriously asking.
Defiling a corpse.
Defiling a different corpse.
Kidnapping the Pope...
[laughs] Faking my own kidnapping! Arson...
Bum fights! You know like when you pay bums to...
Destroy an oil pipeline in...
I wanna say Burt Reynolds!
Turkmenistan?
Archer Vice.
What?
Nothing. Shut up.
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