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S1 E5

Archer · Season 1, Episode 5

“Honeypot” quotes from Archer

23 quotes · page 1 of 2

“Honeypot” · Season 1, Episode 5

In this episode: Malory Archer (13), Charles (9), Woodhouse (4), Mallory (3), Dr. Krieger (2), Pam Poovey (1), Cheryl Tunt (1), Ray Gillette (1)

[Wearing only a towel and baseball catcher's mask] WOODHOUSE! Do we have any lube? Like at this point even some olive oil would [finds his mother in the living room] help me get that drawer unstuck.

And don't even get me started on Miss Gillette.

[Meanwhile, at the office]

[To Pam and Cheryl] She has never liked me. But someday I'm gonna write a book about this place. Mhm, a real smackaroonie.

Sir, that stolen lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face and she says she can't go to hospital because she's, quote, "tripping balls."

Jesus GOD, Sterling, schoolgirls?

No! They're just costumes.

And I suppose that makes it better?

...Doesn't it?

[Later]

I have ascertained the target, sir. He's actually quite handsome.

And I suppose that makes it better?

Doesn't it?

[Later]

Don't tell me that you set this whole thing up just so you could get me to move in with you and your mother!

MNMaj. Nikolai Jackov

No, no! It was just merely incompetence.

And I suppose that makes it better?

MNMaj. Nikolai Jackov

Doesn't it?

I've developed a proprietary chemical compound which may come in handy. I call it Formula K.

And it makes you temporarily gay?

I dunno. Just started human testing [whispering] by dosing Danny the Intern's coffee.

DIDanny the Intern

[in singsong voice] Danny is definitely feeling something!

I'll pass.

Suit yourself. [Takes a pill] Just means more for me and Danny.

DIDanny the Intern

[singsong] Who is LOV-ing it!

Way the Christ out in the Everglades burying some Dominican guy's rooster!

Fun! Wha-- Oh, you mean literally.

RRamón

Mamá always said, "Ramón, un hombre real debe saber cocinar." ["A real man should know how to cook"]

Mine always said, "Sterling, come in here and check me for lumps." Holy shit, was that out loud?

From the looks of it, and not to mention the lemur, I would hazard he's taking a personal day.

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