Carl quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

So uh, can we stop holdin' hands in fairy land here?

Can someone please just shut off all the sex? I'm starting to chafe here.

All right, that's the last of the W's. There's a Z left but uh... oh. Yeah, that unibrow. Ah, screw it. Look up 'Zambrano'. Normally I wouldn't do a fat chick from the flag corps, but uh...it is a new era!...of loneliness. Oh God.

Oh yeah, they've been pretty much common-law married for years. It's cool, I don't have a problem with that. I'm fine with it. I don't think it's, you know, constitutional. But, you know, they do whatever they want, as long as they ain't flaunting it out in my yard or nothing, 'cause, you know...[Intensely] I'm a man.

Is that it? Is that mine? 'Course it is, it's got that curve to the left.

He's a friggin' menace! And, uh, you know, technically, he's supposed to be spayed, and uh, he ain't that. [scoffs] I know that first hand. Go ahead, ask me how I know. Go ahead. Ask me. Ask me how I know.

NO, NO, NOOOOO!! My father's amateur porno! I love you dad…and all those money shots!

This dude back where I worked at the, uh, Styrofoam peanut factory, like he converted the toilet into like a bong, and you just sort of put your face over the seat. It was pretty badass. I went in there, someone had used a Number Two, so I fish it out, load it up. Gotta do something to get through that shift. Later on, when I became an adult, I was thinkin', you know, "That's gross," but, man that bathroom was so awesome in high school.

(talking on phone) Yeah, well, I have experienced some symptoms, yes. [Rapid chatter on other end.] No, I won't sign a release. [Chatter] Yeah, sure, a set of steak knives sound good. What's your point? [Chatter] They'll cut through a can? And then they'll cut tomato? (Walks outside) You need an address or... [Chatter] You can see me? How is that... (tranquilizer dart hits Carl in the throat, and he falls over. A helicopter flies down and a tether picks him up, the helicopter leaves).

WHO IS GIVING OUT FREE DUMMIES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?!! If it's that Mormon kid, I swear to God!

Truly, they were.... an Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Eh-I freakin' sold-out! It's better to burn out, than to fade away!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FREAKIN' CAR?!

Master Shake

Good morning, Carl. How's it goin'?

Oh yeah, good mornin' to you there, Mr. Food Monster, this is how it's goin'. Look at my frickin' car. It is crushed...to bajesus and back.

Master Shake

Have you gotten any estimates?

Ah, for the love of--I just found it this way.

Master Shake

Carl...

I just walked out here, for frickin' sake!

Master Shake

Hey Carl, its okay...it's cool man, I'm a detective. Clear the crime scene and let me think...meteors did it! That'll be $20.

Frylock

Hey, Carl.

Great, we got the Fryman up here.

Master Shake

I have not called for you, Frylock. What are you doing here?

Frylock

I live here.

Master Shake

Well, quit hovering. I am the leader!

Frylock

Man, your car is messed up! How are you going to get to work, Carl?

I work out of the home.

Master Shake

Frylock, send Carl to work, then we shall solve this mystery and make $20.

I work out of the home. Do not point that fry thing at me.

Master Shake

Quickly, Carl, the ray is upon you. Where do you work?

I done told ya, I work out of the home! Now stop with the Freak Beam!

Master Shake

Send Carl to the home then!

Frylock

To the home!

STAY OUT OF MY POOL!! [Frylock beams Carl up and drops him flat on his back on his roof] Ow, my hip!

Master Shake

Okay, that'll be $20.

Frylock

So, what now, Shake?

Master Shake

We shall solve the mystery from Carl's pool!

: OH, NO, DON'T GOT TO MY POOL!!!

Master Shake

Goin' to the bank!

Master Shake

I have called this meeting to say that downtown is no longer safe.

Master Shake

So, in short, we need to pick some new restaurants and night clubs.

GET OUTTA MY FRICKIN' POOL!

All right, I'm gonna give this "Rainbow" thing another five minutes, and if it don't show up quick, then I am goin' down to the store and gettin' a hot-rod magazine, 'cause they got the chicks with the boobs in there!

[looking at Carl through binoculars] Excellent, another victim falls prey to me brilliant e-mail plan. Soon we will have enough treasure to rule all of New Jersey.

Flargan, he doesn't really look like he has any money...or a job, or a wallet.

Well I...I'm sure he has some decent tennis shoes.

He doesn't even have pockets. Look, he's wearing sweatpants.

Dingle, engage the rainbow machine!

Feet!

Yeah, here come the gold! Aw, look at this now, I don't see crap in there. I know this game. This is how they get you. :[He gets sucked up in the rainbow, and lands flat on his back in the forest]

Yes, fat man, this IS how we get you!

Hey there, where's the gold there?

Flip-flops? What is this!?

What did I say? No money, no job, no taste.