What?
I think you recognize me.
No.
You might've seen me in one of those Christopher Guest movies. "Best in Show?" "Waiting for Guffman?" "A Mighty Win?" No?
No!
Alright, well I'm a stand-up comedian, I've been on Letterman, Leno, Conan. Dozens of times, really everyone.
Mmmmh.
How about the...uh... "The Nutty Professor" movies? That may be more of your speed. The Klumps?
Oh, yeah! The one where Martin Lawrence, uh, Martin dresses like an old woman, you know, but he's a cop! He's not an old woman, he's a cop! [hours later] His partner gets shot, you know, and then they rip his mask off, and then like "You're...you're not an old woman, right? You're Martin!" "Big Nanny" or big... "Big Granny" or something. "Big Granny 2", maybe there was a sequel. So, were you in that?
No, but very close.
You were the judge of the gymnastics contest! I know that!
No.
Nah, no, that guy was black.
Well, close enough. "Pretty Woman?" "Boston Legal?" "10 Things I Hate About You?" Doing anything for you?
You sell hair?
You know what? I admire a man like you because yes, let's cut to the chase. I am the celebrity spokesman for a line of artificial hair. And I also occasionally sell hair, myself, on the weekend because I have... [Larry laughs] a gambling problem that's all-consuming.
Want a beer?
No thank you.
How 'bout some lo mein noodles? Come on in.
Lo mein, no.
I was just about to toss these. [Carl sniffs] They reek.
Yes, clearly. Well, the point is you qualify for a free 7-day trial for the Larry Miller Hair System for men.
Dude, if it's so great, then how come you ain't got it?
We only have one and God told us to bring it to you!
Free hair, made out of painted and corrugated sheet metal. Come on, what's the catch?
If I didn't fully believe in this product, why else did you think I spend my weekends selling and installing the Larry Miller hair system for men?
Well, cuz you said you got a bad gambling problem.
I know I do. I know I have that problem, and that's half the battle admitting it. It... it's like I've just become someone else for weeks. It takes control. And you know what? I'm not ashamed to say it. Well, I'm a little ashamed. Alright, I'm mortified, but the point is I believe in this product and my ability to make money off of it. Try one on!
I thought you had one?
Well, now we have many.
Oh, it's really slick.
It's lanolin, from someone else's skin. Someone who returned it.
They're lost [Carl laughs].
Here, step into this simulator.
Uh, I don't see any, uh...
This van!