Klaus (the family comes home and catches Klaus hitting on a Hummel figurine): She told me she was 18!
S13Daesong Heavy Industries II: Return to Innocence
S13Criss Cross Applesauce: The Ballard of Billy Jesusworth
Steve, I don't know why you're telling me this now, and I don't know you're singing the whole story, but your dad and Roger are about to play in the finals.
Okay, singing may have been a bad choice, but that's a crazy story, right?
Wait, did Lewis murder his secretary?
The finals, Hayley!
Stan, I don't know basketball, but I can tell from the way you're talking you're not good at it.
Without the crisscross, I'm just some guy yelling "applesauce."
[to Stan] It worries me that bad guy thing you're doing with your hands.
Stan, I can't blow this guy in front of all these people.
SOShaquille O'Neal
The Spurs won two NBA championships because the commissioner was worried Tim Duncan looked sad.
Doctors are stupid, Roger. They're just failed dentists.
S13Mine Struggle
[on putting a Trans Am engine in a power washer] I souped it up with a little alien tech. By alien, I mean "Detroit". (to the audience, as patriotic music plays): Let's turn this country around. Let's make things again.
I'm trying to get 20 years of crap off the patio.
Is Brett Ratner's career on the patio?
Not used to holding a tool with that kind of power, Stan? I'm kidding. I've seen yours while you were sleeping. It's great.
BBoth
Oh...my...God.
Jinx! Now you can't talk until I say your name, Stan! [realizes] Ah, dammit!
White, dusty oil?
Lawn dandruff?
A third ridiculous guess?
[knowingly] I think I know what this is.
Yep, that's salt. It's a salt deposit. [he looks at the shocked expressions of the family] Oh my God! Did you guys think it was cocaine? Cocaine doesn't grow underground, dumb-asses. You gotta make that shit! With blood and sweat. And a little bit of salt. You got to cut it with salt to hit your margins. So I guess we have 1% of cocaine here.
Hear that? I'm gonna have a big, veiny shaft!
Are they salt executives or genies?
[Young Steve admires the rocks holding his last treasure clue]
There's so shiny!
So Hayley's forehead, but you wouldn't call that a treasure.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.