“Father's Daze” · Season 14
In this episode: Steve Smith (3), Stan Smith (2), Klaus (2), Francine Smith (1), Hayley Smith (1)
Damn, Steve! You wake up camera ready, lucky dog! Takes me hours to shake that “just woke up” look.
No time for what?
And your morning voice sounds clear as a sparrow! Me? Forget about it! No phone calls before noon.
Klaus, I have to get started on my dad’s present.
Damn, and no morning breath? Do you sleep with mints in your mouth?
[After Klaus exposes Stan's scheme to Steve, they are ready to catch him by surprise with it- but much to THEIR surprise, Stan is already in Steve's room]
Well, well, well.
Dad!
No. Looks like you got it all figured out.
W-W-Why are you doing this to us?
[imitating Steve's quivering to start off] W-W-W-W-W-W-W-why, why, why, why? Because you guys can't give me one decent day, no matter how many chances I give you!
Chances? What are you talking about?
[as the "alarm" Stan has set goes off at 5AM] Good morning! Rockin' Ronnie comin' at ya...
[opens his curtains, revealing snow on the window] Dad's been tricking us into reliving Father's Day every day for six months! [Hayley and Francine gasp]
[pissed off at this revelation] You brainwashed us?!
Oh, of course, make it about you! Well, since you won't remember this anyway, I'll get everything out of my system so I can wake up tomorrow without being so cheesed off! [sees Steve's lip quivering] Go ahead, Steve, cry! It'd be weirder if ya didn't! [Hayley gasps] Go ahead, Hayley, gasp. It'd be weirder if ya didn't!
Stan, enough!
[really losing it now] SINCE WHEN IS ANYTHING ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?! For the last 20 years, you just sit around and wait for me to bring home money. "I need rugs! I need bananas!"
Stan, stop before you say something you'll regret.
Oh, I haven't even STARTED! [as "Scatman" plays to block the dialogue, Stan unleashes a vicious and truly venomous speech about his family's faults; judging by the movements, he criticizes Francine for her pompousness and excessive alcoholism, Hayley for her near-incessant use of marijuana, and finally Steve for his immaturity and frequent masturbation]
It turns out the only thing that makes you a good dad is being a guilty dad.
Yeah! And that's the true meaning of Father's Day.
NO!!
That's just a character flaw!
Noticing my flaws... and my strengths. Is that the true meaning of Father's Day?
Dad, I'll explain it all in the back of that guy's pickup.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
