American Dad! · Season 1, Episode 16
“Not Particularly Desperate Housewife” · Season 1, Episode 16
In this episode: Stan Smith (3), Francine Smith (3), Roger (2), Klaus (2), Steve Smith (1), Hayley Smith (1)
Wow! For housewives, those Ladybugs really have it all: a fast-lane life and a slow-motion walk.
Ugh. They're snobs, Francine. A girl would have to be pretty desperate to wanna associate-
Christie! [approaches to Ladybugs] Remember me? Francine. Oh, how I wish I could peel off your skin, put it on and be you. [pauses] I mean, hi.
[Hayley enters her room, where Steve and Klaus are reading her diary]
What are you doing?
Hayley, good. You're here. I caught Steve red-handed.
Why, you- [to Hayley] Look, I'm just reaching out to you. Is it so wrong for me to want to get to know my own sister? [mocking voice] And to read about you giving Coach Schwartz a Rod Carew in the Taco King parking lot?
[Francine tries to convince Stan to keep Fussy the dog, but Stan refuses]
Forget it, Francine! We've already got something girly and annoying in this house. It's called Roger.
Stan, help me. I've been faking an affair to impress the Ladybugs, and they found out I was lying, and now they're trying to kill me!
A cult of murderous housewives. Before 9/11, I wouldn't have believed it. Or at least I'd ask you some follow-up questions. But that's just not the world we live in anymore.
[Stan is about to punch Roger, and Roger accidentally hits Stan in the crotch. Stan groans and falls on his knees]
Oh, God, I forgot. That's where you humans keep your boys. I'm so, so sorry. Here, let me help. [punches him in the crotch again] Don't be startin' what you can't finish, bitch.
There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary. It... ended badly. But enough about Fran Drescher! [laughs] You thought I was making a Holocaust joke! [angrily] Shame on you!
Hey, Linda. Wanna go to that art auction?
We can't. It's our biweekly puzzle night. We are this close to finishing that covered bridge.
But wouldn't it be fun to mix it up a little?
You're right. Let's do the rest of the puzzle without looking at the box! Flying blind! Whoo!
[Roger sits at the dinner table with a cigarette in his mouth]
Damn it, Roger! I've told you a million times: No smoking in the house!
And I told you it's menthol. So it's healthier than an apple.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
