Stan Smith quotes from American Dad!

Stan

[as Roger panics with a syringe on his body] Roger stuck a syringe on my chest!

Stan

Ow! What the hell?! Wait, you're a gun? I always thought you were an eyeball or something! [walks away, clutching his gun wounds] Douche.

Stan

I'm gonna go hit the juice bar, you wouldn't like it. It's not about living out childhood abuse through degrading sexual encounters; it's more about juice.

Stan

That's nice, guys. Okay, Matt Damon and Lucy Liu, you're next. Oh, look at the little guy. It's Dad's A-list then it's Mom's B-list; so it's a B-plus right off the bat.

Stan

Francine, my mother is not manipulating me. Our relationship is completely normal. And if you keep upsetting me, then I'll have to retreat to my safe place between her breasts.

Stan

Francine, I can explain: [voice changes to a whiny tone] she's my mommy!

Stan

Excuse me. Trying to merge. Not trying to get ahead of anybody, just merging. [driver honks at him] This isn't a contest, fuck you! Fine, I'll take the shoulder! [he knocks over some traffic cones only to find a construction worker and his truck in the way] Excuse me, trying to merge, I'm just trying to-- fuck you!

Stan

...my favorite movie is The 'Burbs.

Stan

Once we were foes lockin a death stuggle now he works for me. Stalin's up in heaven cryin' his eyes out.

Stan

Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he invented capitalism.

Stan

Oh, and the piercings and vacuum are gone by tomorrow or this hole becomes your graves.

Stan

[digs up the gold] Me Chinese! Me make joke! Me find gold gold in your Coke!

Stan

May God be with us!

Stan

Hello, I'd like a moonbounce and a sober clown for a birthday party on Saturday? [beat]: Well, do you know the number of someone who knows a sober clown? [beat]]: No, I don't think I'm asking for the world...

Stan

Roger, I think I've found a way off this island! Is there such a thing as a time crab?