Stan Smith quotes from American Dad!

Stan

Oh, I tell a great story and I'm a liar, but Harry Potter does it and he's your favorite writer.

Stan

[realising that children from pie eating content are deaf] Hey, I'm gonna just go in the kitchen and steal your food. Marlee Matlin sucks! [pauses] Ah, you know, that's not fair. I really enjoyed her work on The West Wing.

Stan

[to Francine, after he hears the neighbors badmouth him] They all hate me! It's like our wedding all over again... except this time I'm you!

Stan

In other words, there goes the neighborhood. [laughs] Ordinarily that would have racist implications, but I've actually done something far worse.

Stan

I can't believe you killed her, Barry. You're a cold son of a bitch.

Stan

[affected by mad cow disease] You boys see these owls? Get out of here, owls! Stop pecking at my face! I will not buy your encyclopedias! I can't read your language, I can only speak it. [hoots]

Stan

Look, honey, I'll make you a deal, you don't marry Jeff, and I won't bake you a roofie cake and tie your fallopians in a square knot.

Stan

None of us get to choose our fathers, but we do get to choose our father figures. I chose my mother. That set me back a bit.

Stan

Brett, wait! The Lord is my shepherd, but you're my ride home!

Stan

I'm getting fed up with this orgasm!

Stan

Hayley, don't make me have to [she quickly snatches the shotgun from him and aims it at him] [lovingly and quickly speaking] spare your life because you're a part of the family!

Stan

Okay Hayley, I give up. This whole thing was my fault anyway. You were on your own path to happieness, and if killing me will put you back on that path then go ahead. Just know that I love you and I always will. You're my little girl. Now, if you still feel you can pull that trigger-

Stan

[to Francine] Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it works.

Stan

Boobs are holding up nicely for a gal her age, I'll say that.

Stan

Steve, it's a beautiful afternoon. Shouldn't you be outside with your friends turning my tool shed into Mordor or Endor or... something heartbreaking?

Stan

[as Roger panics with a picture of night on his body] Roger painted me in my sleep!