Stan Smith quotes from American Dad!

Stan

Come on, Francine! Small planes are the safest of all. If Richie Valens' plane had been just a little bit smaller, he'd still be alive.

Stan

Well, I'd rather be acting crazy than feeling crazy. That's good, Stan. I'm gonna write that down when we land. Oh, already forgot it.

Stan

It was nice of Steve to acknowledge us this week. Even if it was just this one time.

Stan

[after taking the pills] I feel... not buzzed, but... well-rested, like I had a cup of coffee at 6:30 AM. I feel good!

Stan

An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!

Stan

Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.

Stan

[talking about his camping trip with his dad and son] It was really fun. You should have been there, Francine. I mean, it was a father-son trip so if you had been there it would have ruined everything.

Stan

Steve, don't ever tell your mom I let you jump from a moving car... twice.

Stan

Really, Steve... look at me....not a word.

Stan

[to Roger] Here's the parent company. Here's the subsidiary. Here's the branch of Food Co that presides over Hotdog Hauss. Here's Hotdog Hauss. Here's East Central Division. Here's this warehouse and this tiny little spot here is you.

Stan

Go Biscuit! [the dog hits the wall] Okay, go Cheesers! [mouse runs away] Coward!

Stan

When I turned 14, I took fiduciary responsibility for my mothers 401K. We discussed over Italian food. I had my first espresso, it kept me up all night. I fell asleep at dawn for five minutes and had a stress dream about the house burning down. Pretty good birthday.

Stan

[belches] Spider say burp!

Stan

Oh, son. Every day with you is like a punch in the nads.

Stan

You lying, thieving cheater! You're gonna get what you deserve! Where do they keep the British tourist girls?

Stan

Roger's a dirty cop. He's been on the force for three hours!