Stan Smith quotes from American Dad!

Stan

Pen-gun, mightier than the sword.

Stan

[holding sword, blade folds to reveal a barrel] Sword-gun, mightier than the pen-gun.

Stan

Francine, when I look at your hair I doubt I could eat the amount I wanna vomit.

Stan

Forget it, Francine! We've already got something girly and annoying in this house. It's called Roger.

Stan

[alone in the attic] Things that are getting fat. Things that might be wrong, and Roger might be right. Things that should buck up! Things that will be proven right in the end! Aw, things that are just kidding themselves. Things that are useless. Things that are getting soft! Things that are stupid, dumb stupid-heads! Things that miss being needed. Things that need more wine to make the pain go away! [crying]

Stan

(about Barry) Careful, Steve! He's as mad as he is fat.

Stan

Man, I'm getting hungry. Hey, let's go dig up your mother so she can make us breakfast!

Stan

So this is a refugee camp? I have to say, not that bad. There's sun, sand - it's like Arizona. But here they probably celebrate Martin Luther King Day.

Stan

Ah, Saturday. Sunday's Friday.

Stan

[reveals shotgun behind pillow] Ah, pillow gun. Where danger and comfort meet. 200 thread count, '[pumps shotgun]' 200 dead count.

Stan

Lies. It's like you have to lie to live. You're a lie-abetic. You have lie-abetes. Twice a day, you have to take a shot of insu-lyin'.

Stan

Ah, Mr. Pibb. The cornerstone of our love. Delicious, refreshing, and totally lacking in pretension!

Stan

Come on, Steve, why don't you pick an interesting black person, like Dr. Daniel Williams, who performed the first successful open heart surgery, or Tim Meadows, the luckiest man in show business.

Stan

Forget about your report on Carver. Just do it on Will Smith. Oh wait, you need a black guy.

Stan

[to Roger, on the phone] Roger, I know it's you. I can hear your humidifier.

Stan

Can you believe we're going to meet Denzel Washington! He's like Harrison Ford dipped in chocolate!