Grace Adler quotes from Will & Grace

Grace

I'm gonna call some designers and drum up votes. Once again, I find myself begging gay men to love me.

Grace

Can you please fax this application over to the realtor?

Karen

Oh, honey. Machinery. No.

Grace

Karen, I'm not gonna marry someone just because I want a nice apartment.

Karen

Um... yes. That- that would be wrong.

Grace

It would be settling. I want to marry "the one."

Karen

And well you should, honey. How else are you gonna get to the two and the three?

Will

$2900 for a loft in Noho... $2300 for a loft in Soho...

Grace

That's too much money to pay for any... ho.

Will

OK, here: charming one-bedroom, Chelsea-adjacent, well-maintained, $1500. Sounds great.

Grace

OK, let me decode: "Charming"? Tiny. "Chelsea-adjacent"? New Jersey. "Well-maintained"? Super washes blood off sidewalk daily.

Will

sherif , after closer examination, I believe I have identified the lifeform as ... gaylien.

Grace

We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.

Grace

What could it be, that he didn't tell you and he didn't tell me? It must be something he didn't want us to to know!

Jack

Good work, Nancy Drew! Let's meet up at Old Mystery Creek!

Jack

I finally found my life's calling, and it involves these two hands.

Will

Ah. So you're going to be self-employed.

Jack

Insert laugh... here. I'm going to be a massage therapist. It was an obvious choice, being that I am a people person. I love people... as long as they're not hairy... or smelly... or have the dreaded bacne, ugh. Okay, I need some guinea pigs. Who's interested?

Will

Smelly.

Grace

Hairy.

Jack

Thank you, friends.

Karen

Bacne. Oh, who am I kidding? It's alabaster from my neck to my ass. I just don't want to do it.

Grace

You know what the funny part is? [laughs] There is no funny part! My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt, it's not even... funny. I mean, what am I doing taking on a mortgage? I mean, my life is already a mess. I'm still renting an apartment, I don't have a driver's license, I'm not married, I live with a gay guy...

Will

Grace...

Grace

I haven't had sex in five months! And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting in line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Michelle-Sarah-Felicity-looking thing... bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." [sobs.]

Grace

You know what the funny part is? [laughs] There is no funny part! My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt, it's not even...funny. I mean, what am I doing taking on a mortgage? I mean, my life is already a mess. I'm still renting an apartment, I don't have a driver's license, I'm not married, I live with a gay guy...

Will

Grace...

Grace

I haven't had sex in 5 months! And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting in line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer Love Michelle Sarah Felicity looking thing...bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." [sobs]

Will

Gracie, don't do it if it's making you feel this way. It's not worth it.

Grace

Do I look like a "ma'am"?!

I'm sorry, Miss Adler. I had no idea.

Grace

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Hutt. I'm sorry you had to see me this way.

Look, it's not much, but perhaps I could lower the price a bit more. Think about it, OK? [leaves]

Grace

[abruptly stops crying] Now look at me and tell me and I'm not a good businesswoman.

Grace

I thought I would cook Shepherd's Pie.

Will

Pray tell, Julia Child, what's in Shepherd's Pie?

Grace

Um... shepherds? Sheep? Pie?

Grace

Jada Pinkett.

Will

Mmm.

Grace

Hate her.

Will

Wow, that's kinda harsh. I mean, she's not very...

Grace

Will, you know the rules. Love or hate. No gray area, just like life.

Will

Hate her.

Grace

Good boy.

Karen

Honey, did you try Balthazar?

Grace

Karen, Steak & Brew are spitting at me through the phone. How would I get a table there?

Karen

Oh, Grace, I am your assistant. Now, I may not be a whiz at the...[points]

Grace

Computer.

Karen

Or know how to work the...[points]

Grace

Fax.

Karen

But, honey, I do know how to get where I need to be. Now hand me the--

Grace

Phone.

Karen

Well, honey, I would have gotten that one.

Karen

Gosh, I don't think I've ever been stressed out. I mean, why would I be? I got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze, and I got a killer rack! Good morning!

Grace

Oh, when you smile, you have the cutest little wrinkle right there!

Karen

Where? [runs to mirror]

Grace

Feel that? That's stress.

Will

Peace, oneness. Ohmmmmmmm!

Grace

Thank you. Ohmmmmmmm!

Will

Let's go hommmmmme.

Grace

Why hommmmmmme?

Will

There's a rock in my bummmmmmm!

Grace

At least it's not your thummmmmmb!

Will

Now it's going nummmmmmmb!

Bobbi Adler

Look, look, no panty line because.... no panties.

Grace

[wincing] There was just no preparing for that one.