Grace Adler quotes from Will & Grace

Grace

Call your brother. You know, Michael Corleone forgave Fredo.

Will

That was right before Michael had him taken out to the lake and shot.

Grace

Yeah...but the important part was that he forgave him.

Will

No, I'm pretty sure that, to Fredo, the important part was when he got shot.

Grace

You know what my aunt Pescha would say if she were in this room right now?

Will

"Why the hell did my parents name me 'Pescha'?"

Grace

Will, I know this is a little weird, but...

Will

No, Grace, this isn't weird. Gay Republicans are weird. This is sick!

Karen

Honey, what's going on with your hair? Looks like you got Moose and Squirrel in there.

Grace

You should talk, Mulan.

Grace

Your cook's name is "Cook"?

Karen

No, Grace, he has a name. I just don't remember it. No wait a minute, it'll come to me, it'll come to me... "Where are my damned eggs... Paul!" Paul. God, Paul is dead. Now who the hell is gonna cook for us?

Grace

What do you think of this outfit?

Will

It's fine.

Grace

Fine means crap.

Will

It's good.

Grace

Good means fine.

Will

Well, if fine means crap and good means fine, doesn't that mean that good means crap?

Will

Wanna see what it's like to kiss a guy under one of these things?

Will

I don't think we should live together anymore.

Grace

The kiss wasn't that bad, Will. [pause] I don't think we should live together anymore, either.

Will

When you moved in, it was so we could heal and move on.

Grace

I know. I don't feel like I've moved on. Have you moved on?

Will

I'm standing here making out with a girl. That's the international symbol for not moving on.

Will

I think you've sprung a leak.

Grace

What're you talking about?

Will

I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.

Bobbi Adler

I listened.

Grace

You're a mother. You're not supposed to listen.

Bobbi Adler

Then what do you want me to do?

Grace

I don't want you to fix me up. But I want you to want to fix me up. I just don't want you to want me to want to go out with the guys that you want to fix me up with.

Bobbi Adler

You know, this rambling problem comes from your grandmother.

So, how's Will doing?

Grace

I think you would know better than me.

[sighs] Yeah, I would.

Grace

But don't worry, I'm on him. I'm giving him a really hard time.

Whoa! You're a cold-hearted little thing, aren't you?

Grace

Well, if he's going to let work get to him like that...It's just really unattractive.

Grace, I don't don't know how things work with the very modern relationship between you two, but in the great state of Texas you'd be considered a bitch.

Grace

Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]

Jack

Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [to Will] For the second time.

Grace

[sticking her head through the window] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.

Jack

I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [to Will] Guess what? I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have eight men under me. How great is that?

Will

Eight men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?

Grace

Well, you've come on a good night. Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.

Karen

How could she not know? What is she, headless?

Grace

The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit.

Will

Of course. That ruthless bastard offered me a five-year contract, paid vacation, a huge signing bonus, all to make a dispute over slipcovers go away. How could I have been so blind?

Grace

Why do your people always go to sarcasm first?

Will

Holy hangover, Batgirl. How fun was last night?

Grace

So fun. Naomi and Kai know all the best clubs.

Will

Yeah. Who'd have thought that after 2 a.m., Tiki Donuts becomes a Latino drag queen bar?

Grace

I forget... Is "chocolate éclair" the name of a donut or one of the performers?

Will

Why are you screaming at me? Yech. [puts his head in the sink under running water]

Grace

[looking down her shirt] Oh, my God. When did I get my nipple pierced?

Will

[looking down Grace's shirt] That's your earring.

Grace

[Pulling ring out] Not right. So what time are we hooking up with them tonight?

Will

Midnight. It's gonna be wild.

Grace

This whole week has been wild.

Will

I know. They're crazy.

Grace

They're fantastic.

Will

I hate them.

Grace

Me, too.

Grace

Your sperm is like the school you don't really want to go to, but you know you can get in. You're like my safety sperm.

Will

What, my sperm is Florida State?