Will & Grace quotes

Jack

FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay.

Will

Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.

Karen

You know, marriage is... what? Marriage is... Marriage is, okay? What the hell, that's all you need to... Grace? Oh! Now she's gone. She's gone, and I'm sitting here talking to myself like a crazy person. Oh, my God, listen to me. I'm still doing it!

Grace

Can you please fax this application over to the realtor?

Karen

Oh, honey. Machinery. No.

Grace

Karen, I'm not gonna marry someone just because I want a nice apartment.

Karen

Um... yes. That- that would be wrong.

Grace

It would be settling. I want to marry "the one."

Karen

And well you should, honey. How else are you gonna get to the two and the three?

Will

$2900 for a loft in Noho... $2300 for a loft in Soho...

Grace

That's too much money to pay for any... ho.

Will

OK, here: charming one-bedroom, Chelsea-adjacent, well-maintained, $1500. Sounds great.

Grace

OK, let me decode: "Charming"? Tiny. "Chelsea-adjacent"? New Jersey. "Well-maintained"? Super washes blood off sidewalk daily.

Jack

Hmm, let's take a look at a little clip from when it was still the "Michael and Will Show"... before it was canceled. "Will, can I change your throw pillows?" "No!" "Will, can I put my sweaters on your shelf?" "No!" "Will, can anyone live with a control freak nightmare like you? I'm gonna say 'no.'"

Grace

Just F.Y.I. The first three letters in "assistant" spell "ass," so please get off yours.

Jack

So I've decided to take my career in a whole new direction.

Will

Forward?

Will

What are you talking about? You're not a performer.

Jack

I am now. Me, a piano and a spotlight. I'm calling it "Just Jack." Here's my flyer. "Just Jack." One night only. "Just Jack."

Will

Why one night? Oh, it's open mic night.

Jack

Bring Grace...or a date. Ha ha, I'm just kidding.

Will

[reads flyer] "A roller-coaster ride of emotions." Who said that?

Jack

A critic...OK, my shrink.

Karen

Honey, I can't go. I have a home, a husband and three beautiful stepchil -- No, wait. Two. Two beautiful stepchildren. Sorry. Yeah. Olivia and...

Jack

Mason?

Karen

Honey, I was getting there.

Jack

Well, look at you. You're like an icon to gay men.

Karen

Oh!

Jack

You've got the sass, the class, the ass.

Karen

Ooh, I want a drag name!

It's simple, sugar. You take the name of your first pet, and the street you grew up on.

Karen

Shu—Shu Fontana! Jack, what would yours be?

Jack

Glen 125th.

Grace

You know, I thought I knew everything about you. But you're a mystery. Wrapped in a riddle. Surrounded by enigma. Growing boobies.

Will

sherif , after closer examination, I believe I have identified the lifeform as ... gaylien.

Grace

We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.

Grace

What could it be, that he didn't tell you and he didn't tell me? It must be something he didn't want us to to know!

Jack

Good work, Nancy Drew! Let's meet up at Old Mystery Creek!