“The Buying Game” quotes from Will & Grace

Jack

I finally found my life's calling, and it involves these two hands.

Will

Ah. So you're going to be self-employed.

Jack

Insert laugh... here. I'm going to be a massage therapist. It was an obvious choice, being that I am a people person. I love people... as long as they're not hairy... or smelly... or have the dreaded bacne, ugh. Okay, I need some guinea pigs. Who's interested?

Will

Smelly.

Grace

Hairy.

Jack

Thank you, friends.

Karen

Bacne. Oh, who am I kidding? It's alabaster from my neck to my ass. I just don't want to do it.

Grace

You know what the funny part is? [laughs] There is no funny part! My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt, it's not even... funny. I mean, what am I doing taking on a mortgage? I mean, my life is already a mess. I'm still renting an apartment, I don't have a driver's license, I'm not married, I live with a gay guy...

Will

Grace...

Grace

I haven't had sex in five months! And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting in line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Michelle-Sarah-Felicity-looking thing... bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." [sobs.]

Grace

You know what the funny part is? [laughs] There is no funny part! My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt, it's not even...funny. I mean, what am I doing taking on a mortgage? I mean, my life is already a mess. I'm still renting an apartment, I don't have a driver's license, I'm not married, I live with a gay guy...

Will

Grace...

Grace

I haven't had sex in 5 months! And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting in line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer Love Michelle Sarah Felicity looking thing...bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." [sobs]

Will

Gracie, don't do it if it's making you feel this way. It's not worth it.

Grace

Do I look like a "ma'am"?!

I'm sorry, Miss Adler. I had no idea.

Grace

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Hutt. I'm sorry you had to see me this way.

Look, it's not much, but perhaps I could lower the price a bit more. Think about it, OK? [leaves]

Grace

[abruptly stops crying] Now look at me and tell me and I'm not a good businesswoman.