Ricky quotes from Trailer Park Boys

Bubbles

Thanks for the milkshake, Julian. It's delicious. [laughs]

Ricky

HIGH! IN DRUNK! AS FUCK! DRUNK AS FUCK!! [Throws a glass bottle at Julian's car]

Julian

Is that Ricky?

Bubbles

I would say it is, Julian.

Jim

My God, it's Ricky!

Jim

Yeah, we got a 10 72 at the Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Thank you very much. Well, Ricky, it looks like you shit goose this time.

Ricky

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck your gay.

Jim

Willful destruction of property, theft under a thousand dollars, trespassing, dangerous driving. You're goin' back to jail, boy.

Ricky

Good. Did you call the cops yet?

Jim

Yeah I did.

Ricky

Good. I want to go back to jail.

Jim

You wanna go?

Ricky

Hey, Trin.

Trinity

Hi.

Ricky

Where did you get this rim?

Trinity

I borrowed it, daddy. Just like you taught me to. Merry Christmas.

Ricky

Like I taught you to? What do you mean?

Jim

Apples don't fall far from the tree. Do they, Rick?

Ricky

Lahey, I got a lot to deal with before I go back to jail. I don't have time for your shit right now, so fuck off.

Jim

Speaking of shit, Rick - which you were - when a shit apple falls from a tree and grows up in a field of shit, it doesn't have any choice. Just like Trinity. She's gonna grow up to be a shit apple tree, just like her father. Have fun in jail, Rick.

Trinity

I wanna go to jail.

Ricky

Trinity, don't ever say that again. Okay? Don't joke around.

Trinity

I wanna go to jail. Jail, jail, jail, jail.

Ricky

Trinity, stop it! I'm serious! Don't ever joke about that. You're never going to jail, okay?

Jim

Oh, yes she is, Rick.

Ricky

No she's not, Lahey. So fuck off.

Jim

Look, you might have my job now, Ricky. But I got something you'll never have.

Ricky

Yeah? What's that, Lahey?

Jim

My Grade 11.

Ricky

Here's a little piece of hash. Go to the stove, do some hot knives, get stoned, and get to work.

Randy

I can't get stoned, Ricky

Ricky

What do you mean? It's shitty work. Everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads. Get stoned, it'll be fun. Get to work.

Ricky

You gotta come back to the trailer park right now. I got a job for you, it's gonna be perfect: assistant trailer park supervisor.

Julian

[laughs drunkenly] Assistant.

Ricky

That's right, buddy. 4,600 bucks a year. Bubbles quit and I could use a hand. I'm gonna straighten all the shit out, man, things are gonna be cool.

Randy

Hey Ricky, I'm looking for work!

Bubbles

Fuck off, Randy!

Ricky

How's it going, Randy? Did you get everything done?

Randy

Almost. Are those my burgers, Ricky? That's my burger, right?

Ricky

No, Barb made these for me.

Randy

I want my fuckin' burger, Rick!

Ricky

Randy, I'll get yours later. You didn't finish your job.

Ricky

Fuck off, Randy!

Randy

Fuck you!

Ricky

You get the fuckin' chicken chips-

Ricky

Fuckin' asshole! Give me that back, you fuckin' dick! Let go of it! Stop grabbing it!

Ricky

Get your hands of it! Get your fuckin' hands of it!

Randy

IT'S MINE!

Jim

Smokey!

Ricky

[in pain] FUCK! What the fuck?! Ah, Jesus Christ!

WHAT IN THE FUCK?!

Julian

What are you doing?! Give me that!

Ricky

I'm trying to shoot whoever fuckin' shot me!

Jim

Randy, how could you do that?

Ricky

Jesus Christ!

Randy

Do what?

Jim

What you were doing with Ricky?

Randy

I wasn't doing anything with Ricky.

Ricky

Is that a fuckin' bow and...you fuckin' shot me!

Jim

It was an accident, Ricky. I was trying to shoot a blue jay.

Ricky

I'll show you a fuckin' blue jay!

Julian

Ricky, it was an accident! Listen, you can call the cops on Lahey for getting shot with an arrow, but he can call the cops on you for firing a handgun out in the trailer park. They cancel out.

Ricky

That doesn't even make sense, Julian.

Julian

It's even, Ricky.

Ricky

I don't have the right people words to make you understand the way it means to me, but something's fucked up here!

Bubbles

Hold still, Ricky.

Julian

Get outta here!

Randy

Ricky, you owe me two double cheeseburgers for cleaning up Julian's trailer!

Ricky

I never said doubles, Randy! I never said fuckin' doubles! Where's my chocolate milk and chicken chips?!

Julian

Rick, go home!

Ricky

[to Randy] Fuck you and fuck your cheeseburgers!

Bubbles

Everybody calm down! For fuck's sakes! Is this all about cheeseburgers?!

Randy

Yeah.

Bubbles

Well, Randy, I've got burger meat and cheese at my shed. I'll cook some up for you on the barbeque if that'll diffuse the situation.

Bubbles

Boys, I feel like I got hit by a fuckin' dump truck. How much would a massage thing cost me, do you figure?

Julian

Massage.

Ricky

Look, Julian, I know I'm dumb as fuck and stuff, but why can't we just steal more furniture and fill up these trailers with furniture and fuckin' open like a used furniture store or some shit?

Bubbles

Used furniture store's not a bad idea, Julian. Keep Lahey and Randy distracted, make a few bucks.

Ricky

Exactly. Get two birds stoned at once.

Julian

We're gonna fill the trailers up with furniture all right, boys, but we're gonna rent them out by the hour.

Bubbles

Aw, that's greasy.

Ricky

That's really fuckin' greasy.

Julian

Yeah, it's greasy.

Bubbles

Gree-hee-hee-heasy.

Julian

J-Roc, where's this guy at anyway?

J-Roc

Chill out, Julian. Cyrus'll be here in a minute, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Julian

Cyrus?!

Ricky

What the fuck are you doing working with Cyrus?

Cyrus

Well, well, well. If it isn't the big, tough Julianne. The Hubble Bubble Telescope. And Helmet Head.

Bubbles

Fuckin' call me a telescope.

Cyrus

Ladies! The boss is home. It's been a long time no see, dick weeds. (pulls a gun)

Ricky

Why don't you take your little gun and fuck off, Cyrus?

Cyrus

[chambers a round] Why don't we fuck on?

Cory

[walks out of the trailer] Julian, where's the hand cream?

Cyrus

[takes a man's bag of chips out of his hand] I know one of you dickheads did this to my car, 'cause you're the only ones who know I failed Grade 10.

You failed Grade 10?

Cyrus

[points his gun towards the Roc Pile] Fuck off! [points to his car, which has been vandalized with graffiti] And what's this, "I'm a fuckhead"? Huh?

Ricky

Actually, it says "I'm fucked in the head," 'cause you are.

Sarah

Ricky, where the fuck are Cory and Trevor? I said I wanted them back an hour ago.

Ricky

I don't fucking know. They went home two hours ago. They told me.

Sarah

Well, I don't have them, you must still have them.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT! I PAID FOR A LADY, NOT FUCKING CORY AND TREVOR!

Julian

Listen, why don't you try focusing on the weed a bit more, okay? Instead of being trailer park supervisor. You're fuckin' up, man.

Ricky

Sounds like someone's a little bit jealous about me being supervisor.

Julian

No, no, those plants are getting huge, Rick, okay? They're starting to scare me a bit.

Bubbles

[as The Green Bastard] Boys! Green Bastard! Parts unknown! Cory and Trevor? Get the fuck in the ring!

Ricky

You look good, buddy!

Bubbles

Green Bastard!

Ricky

You don't wanna move the cars? Fine, boys! Well, I'm just gonna start pissin' in this general direction, and if this car's illegally parked, it might accidentally get pissed on! Everybody want to see some pissin'?

Barb

Don't! Richard!

Barb

RICHARD!

My car!

Ricky

I fuckin' warned them three times, Barb, and they wouldn't listen to me! They don't even believe I'm the trailer park supervisor, all right?!

Barb

Gentlemen, I am so very sorry about this...

Jim

You're right Bernie, he's the epitome of refractory!

Ricky

Tell 'em, Julian! I'm the trailer park supervisor here! You guys won't believe me! It's bullshit!

Jim, let me take this one. Ricky, you and me. Come on! [grabs Ricky's arm and leads him away]

Ricky

What the fuck do you wanna talk about?

You'll find out! What you've just done, pissin' on my car, you have crossed the line with me! I've had guys throw barbecues at me, they've broke the windows out of my car, they've cursed and sworn at me! But the bottom line is: I ain't shook. [clenches his fist] 'Cause if the Right Hook comes out, crazy motherfuckers like you get knocked out. Don't be lookin' me in the eyes, boy! I ain't got no candy for you! No candy, except for the Right Hook.

Bubbles

[talking to his cats] Listen up, guys. I need to talk to you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to look after you properly lately, but there's just too many of yas around, your parents have been banging like crazy. There's just so many of you around right now, and I've been losing focus because I'm in a lot of fucking pain. But the pain I'm about to feel is nothing compared to what I've been feeling by neglecting you little guys. [sighs]

Ricky

[upon arriving at Bubbles' shed] Cory and Trevor are fucking lazy! At least if we ask Bubbles to fuckin' fertilize the plants, we know it'll get done.

Julian

Shh. Listen.

Ricky

What the fuck's he doing in there?

Bubbles

YOU COCKSUCKER!

Bubbles

Oh my God, what happened?

Ricky

Bubbles, you just broke my fuckin' nose!

Julian

Holy shit, Bubbles. Your face is fucked!

Bubbles

No, it's not that bad, Julian!

Julian

No, no, no, no, you let that toothache go way too long. Here.

Bubbles

I can get 'er out, it's no pr--

Julian

No, open up. Let me take a look.

Bubbles

No, it's no problem!

Julian

Let me take a look! Open up!

Bubbles

Julian!

Julian

Bubbles, open up!

Julian

Oh, yeah. Your jaw is totally infected, man. We gotta take you to the hospital, buddy.

Bubbles

No fucking way, Julian! I don't go to the hospital, you know that!

Ricky

You went to the hospital when you fucked your arm over fixing carts, Bubbles! You gotta go!

Bubbles

But boys, I had Conky with me that time.

Ricky

Conky? Don't even say that name! I hate that little fucker!

Julian

Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles! I got something for you!

Bubbles

Oh my God! Conky! Conky! Where have you been? Oh my God! Oh my God, I've missed you! I thought you were dead for sure!

Ricky

I thought you were dead too, you little bastard.

Luckily I don't need oxygen to live under water like you do. Stupid!

Ricky

Julian, it's starting already. I'm telling you right now. [turns his attention back to the puppet] If you fuck with me, Conky, I'm gonna fuck with you. I'm outta here.

Julian

No, no, no. [pulls Ricky aside] Ricky, Ricky, I need your help here! We gotta get him to the hospital or he could go into a coma!

Bubbles

What?! A coma?! A coma? I'm going into a coma? Julian, I can't.

Julian

No, no, no, you're probably not gonna. You're gonna be fine, Bubbles!

Bubbles

What's it like in a coma?

Julian

Bubbles, why don't you ask Conky if it's okay to go to the hospital?

Bubbles

Conky, do you think. Do you think it would be a good idea for me to go to the hospital and get that fixed?

Well, I think it might be a good idea to go on an adventure with Julian and...Rickyyyyy! [disturbed giggle]

Ricky

Final warning there, fuckface. Final warning.

Can I help you?

Julian

Yes, you can. My friend's got an abscess tooth. We need someone to take a look at it.

Bubbles

No, we don't actually, Julian. Let's just get the fuck outta here. I'm fine.

I'm sorry sir, there's no smoking. And is this gentleman with you too?

Ricky

Yeah, I'm fucking with him. What do you mean, there's no smoking?

And what is your problem, sir?

Ricky

Well, now I can't smoke. That's my first problem. I got a busted nose which I now got a rag glued to, and a fucking truck glued to my hand. How's that for a start?

And she's fucked in the head.

Ricky

Conky.

He needs a brain transplant.

Ricky

[grasps Conky by his throat] I'm serious. You better fuck off.

Julian

[moves Ricky's hand away from Conky] Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick.

Ricky

You've been fucking with me all goddamn day here.

Washington, hold wide. Please, Washington. Sir, let's all just calm down.

Julian

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ricky

You want a piece of me, you little dick? Huh?

Julian

Ricky.

Don't you touch me.

Ricky

[punches Conky in the face] Stop fucking looking at me, Conky!

What is the gentleman's first name?

Julian

Bubbles.

Ricky

Fucking dick.

And what is his last name?

Julian

Uh...just Bubbles.

Ricky

Get the fuck away from me, Conky. Get the fuck away from me.

Okay. And you gentlemen all live at the same civic address?

Julian

[points to Bubbles] He lives in my shed. [points to Ricky] Ricky lives in his car.

Okay. Any health card social insurance numbers? Is there any information you can give me?

Ricky

I do have one last bit of information for ya. [sticks up both middle fingers on both his hands, with the truck glued to his hand] This is called a double whammy, which I only bring out for special occasions, alright? So why don't you and your whole hospital fuck off, you won't help me. It's 'cause I live in a car? Is that what it is?

Ricky

Fuck! Holy fuck! You guys can fuck off!

Julian

Guys, guys, guys, guys.

Ricky

The fuck is this shit?! I live in a car! You won't fucking fix me up or help my friend?

Nice going, Ricky.

Ricky

Fuck you, Conky.

Ricky

Fuck!

Crazy octo-eyed motherfuckers!

Frig off, Washington. [to Ricky and Julian] Are you happy now, Julian? Bubbles is gonna go into a coma and die probably, ya idiots!

Bubbles

Conky, please, just don't taunt.

Julian

Bubs, Bubs, don't worry about it. I'll get that tooth out somehow, alright?

Ricky

[pissing on the side of the hospital] Who can go fuck whose self?! No, you fuck off, you little fucker!

Julian

Rick, who the hell are you talking to?

Ricky

Fuckin' squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!

Bubbles

Ricky, you're hallucinating!

Julian

[pulls Ricky away from the wall] Listen, get a hold of yourself, Ricky. Ricky, you just pissed on me!

Ricky

Well, you pulled me away!

Julian

Listen, just pretend you're on mushrooms, all right? Just go with it. Come on, let's go.

Why don't you just off shoot your gun some more, very recklessly like. Idiot!

Ricky

Did you just call me an idiot, Conky? Huh?

Maybe I did, Reveeeeeen!

Ricky

All right, Reveen is taking it a little too far, all right? You little fucker.

[singing] He's the fuckin' man they call...

Julian

Don't say it, Bubbles.

Reveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Ricky

That's it. I have fuckin' had it with you. [whips out his gun and points it in the puppet's face]

Julian

Ricky, you're pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet.

Ricky

Yes I am.

Julian

Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.

Ricky

I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.

Julian

Ricky, give me the gun. Give it to me.

Oh, those were excellent negotiation tactics you used...Patrick...Swayze.

Julian

That's not funny, Bubbles.

[singing] Oh, my Julian, my handsome Julian- Patrick Swayze, [Julian pushes Conky away from Bubbles' face] you were so fuckin' sexy in Road House and fuckin' Dirty Dancin.

Bubbles

Oh my God! Julian, what happened?

Julian

[hugs Bubbles] Sorry, buddy. You were going crazy on us, man.

Smoking much dope lately, boys? You guys are fucked.