J-Roc quotes from Trailer Park Boys

J-Roc

You gonna be a great big star, Gee! Muhfuckas in Russia... Why do you think Reveen does so good over there? You know what I'm sayin'? You gonna be bigger than Reveen! Put that shit on, get your freak on, it's all good!

Julian

Boys, check out Ricky pickin' up some butts!

Julian

Hey, Ricky! Find any good ones?

Ricky

What?! Yeah, like you guys have never smoked a butt, eh? "Oh, look at Ricky smoking cigarette butts!" I'm sick of this shit! I'm sick of your TV show, and I'm sick of you, and I'm sick of everybody! I'm moving to Toronto!

Ricky

I'm especially sick of this dick! Get the fuck out of here, Lahey!

Ricky

Fuck it, man. I'm moving to Toronto and I'm gonna be a street person! I don't care.

Julian

Rick, think about it. You don't got no money, man! What are you gonna do? How are you gonna get out there?

Ricky

I don't know yet, but I'm gonna get out there.

J-Roc

What's goin' on, honkies?

Ricky

J-Roc?

J-Roc

Damn, you stank! You should put some Old Spice and some brute up in that muhfucka!

Ricky

Listen, I'm not in the mood today, all right? So unless you've got two grand you wanna lend me, get the fuck out of my face.

Tyrone

Hey man, take it easy...

Ricky

No, I'm sick of this shit! I'm sick of all you guys! I'm sick of this park...

J-Roc

Actually, if you wanna make some scrilla, you pop by my crib. I'll tell ya how to make all kinds of money. I'm serious, too!

Ricky

You're gonna make me some money?

J-Roc

I'll make you tons of money! Know what I'm sayin'? Pop by my crib. 'Scuse me, Gorilla. We da fuck out!

Ricky

Well, if you're serious, I'll be down there in about an hour! [to Julian] Looks like I'm not moving to Toronto.

J-Roc

You know'm sayin' everybody that walk on the face of the Earth tryin' to judge the J-Roc, know'm sayin'? See wha'm sayin'? But I ain't shook, 'cause muhfuckas tryin' to take me out and stuff, but they can't, right? Know'm sayin'?

Tyrone

You're sayin' "know what I'm sayin'" too many times! 80 or 90 times? That's too many times! Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, man?

J-Roc

What are you, from the Department of Know'm Sayin's? You takin' a Know'm Census? You countin' my Know'm Sayin's? We're hangin' out, right?

Tyrone

80 or 90 times? That's too many Know'm Sayin's, know'm sayin'?

J-Roc

See wha'm sayin' you're ridin' on my jock, you know'm sayin'? I'm just tryin' to have a good time, you know'm sayin'? And you're countin' my Know'm Sayin's!

Tyrone

That's too many times. Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, know'm sayin'? No...

J-Roc

How am I supposed to be myself when you're countin' my Know'm Sayin's all the time, you know'm sayin'?

J-Roc, I think you're saying it way too much.

J-Roc

Sayin' what?

J-Roc

Know'm sayin'?

Tyrone

Know'm sayin'.

Know'm sayin'.

Gee, Stacy, I bet we could get like $12,000 for this on the open market.

Ricky

[bad Russian accent] Everybody freeze. What's going on here?

Maybe there's something that we can work out, Sergeant, yes?

Ricky

Ah, maybe there is, yes.

Bubbles

Sergeant Boris, what's going on here?

Ricky

Corporal Alexi, we found the motorcycle bandits. They want to work something out.

Bubbles

That's them, is it? Let's get it on, then!

Trevor

Testicle difficulties, please stand by.

Ricky

[normal voice] J-Roc, I can't do this. I'm thinking about Lucy, and...I don't know what's...I...I need about 5 minutes here.

J-Roc

Aight. Aight, cut.

J-Roc

Aight, Soft Serve. Here's what I'm talkin' about. You can't do the X-to-the-X-to-the-X. So we gonna do some SC witcha candy, that's softcore, right? Know what I'm sayin'? It's still gonna play in hotels and all that, and you're still gonna be a star. But Bubbles, you ain't havin' no troubles. You wanna get with her?

Bubbles

Well, if it's okay with her, I certainly would.

J-Roc

That aight?

Yeah, that's cool.

J-Roc

Aight.

Don't be nervous, Bubbles. I'll take good care of you.

Jim

Okay, boys. Rule number one: no living in a van in Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

Bubbles

J-Roc, you better straighten Panama Jack the fuck out right now.

J-Roc

Aight, here's what I'm talkin' about, you know'm sayin'? Know'm sayin'? Bubbles is renting this van for twelve dollars a month, you know'm sayin'? That makes this muhfucka an income property, you know'm sayin'? And once me and T get power and water goin' on, then this muhfucka gonna fall under the same jurisdictions as every other trailer up in this ma', you know'm sayin'? So why don't you and that fifteen cheeseburger-eatin', Rico Suave lookin' muhfucka go on, 'cause you ain't beatin' nobody! Peace.

Tyrone

That's cold, man! That's crazy! Suave-Rico cheeseburger!

J-Roc

Oh, hang on.

J-Roc

Can I get fifteen half-eaten cheeseburgers to go? You know'm sayin'?

Tyrone

Order me some too, man!

Bubbles

Talking to his gut like it's a person.

Bubbles

Hi, Linda.

Hi, guys.

Ricky

Hoy are you doing? What's going on?

Too bad.

Bubbles

Listen, can we talk to J-Roc for 1 minute?

Yeah, he's in his room. He can stand the noise. I made some pancake. You want some, Bubbles?

Bubbles

Yes, please. Put some butter onto it.

Jamie! Jamie, your friends are here! Jamie? Turn down that damn music! What can year thing. Come on, Jamie! [opens the door]

J-Roc

Mom?

Ga fuck! You know what I'm sayin'!

J-Roc

[turns off the music] Turn that shit off, muthafucka! I was gettin' changed, you know 'm sayin'?! I don't want that shit on TV!

Bubbles

Turn that thing off, he's pullin' his goalie!

Ricky

Turn off the fuckin' camera. What the fuck are you doing, J-Roc?

J-Roc

I was gettin' changed, mothafucka!

Ricky

Changed my ass, you fuckin'...

J-Roc

You non-knockin' muthafuckas!

Ricky

That was fucked.

Bubbles

That was a bit fucked.

J-Roc

It wasn't that fucked, you know 'm sayin'? I was gettin' changed. What's goin' on?

Julian

Listen man, I got some good news for ya. Get cleaned up and meet me back at the flea market.

J-Roc

Aight. [Pats Bubbles' shoulder with the hand he changed with] Peace, Bub.

Bubbles

Don't touch me.

J-Roc

You muhfuckas ain't gonna tell nobody that I was gettin' changed, right?

Bubbles

No! Christ, no.

Bubbles

J-Roc! Listen, Julian got out of jail early, he doesn't even know we're growing weed. I gotta create a distraction, J-Roc. Can you please let me say we got this car for him as a present?

J-Roc

Bubbles, this is my brand-new whip, muhfucka! Don't do that to me, you know what I'm sayin'?

Bubbles

Come on, J-Roc! I'm in a jam. I got an idea...two grams of blonde Lebanese hash?

J-Roc

Let me check this shit out...

Bubbles

[drops the hash] Shit! [hands J-Roc the hash] Check that out.

J-Roc

Bubbles, that ain't even blonde, you know what I'm sayin', muhfucka... [smells the hash]

Bubbles

It's dirty blonde though! Look, it's got blonde streaks into it, it's Lebanese...

J-Roc

All right, Bubbles. Don't say I didn't have your back, you know what I'm sayin'?

Bubbles

Julian, I'm craving some Chalet take-out. Come on. My treat?

Julian

All right, all right!

Bubbles

And then we're gettin' drunk, all right?

Julian

Okay, thank you!

Tyrone

Man, Bubbles, man, I would like some chicken, man. Get me a quarter chicken dinner, extra gravy.

Fo' sho'. Quarter chicken dinner, french fries, onion rings.

J-Roc

Chicken-rib combo, extra roll, B.

Bubbles

Boys, boys, come off it! This is distraction chicken I'm buying Julian!

J-Roc

Oh, so now I'm like, "You got my whip," you know what I'm sayin', "But I ain't got no chicken!"

Julian

What do you think, Bubs?

Bubbles

Well, I don't know much about this stuff, Julian.

They're good hos, man. They're good hos, I'm tellin' ya.

Bubbles

What other choice do we have? He says they're good hos.

Julian

All right, all right, done. Three o'clock.

I'll see you then. I'll be waitin' here with the hos, homie.

J-Roc

Peace out, sling blade!

Bubbles

It's not a sling, J-Roc, it's duct tape. Just get the hos.

Julian

J-Roc, where's this guy at anyway?

J-Roc

Chill out, Julian. Cyrus'll be here in a minute, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Julian

Cyrus?!

Ricky

What the fuck are you doing working with Cyrus?

Cyrus

Well, well, well. If it isn't the big, tough Julianne. The Hubble Bubble Telescope. And Helmet Head.

Bubbles

Fuckin' call me a telescope.

Cyrus

Ladies! The boss is home. It's been a long time no see, dick weeds. (pulls a gun)

Ricky

Why don't you take your little gun and fuck off, Cyrus?

Cyrus

[chambers a round] Why don't we fuck on?

Cory

[walks out of the trailer] Julian, where's the hand cream?

Cyrus

[takes a man's bag of chips out of his hand] I know one of you dickheads did this to my car, 'cause you're the only ones who know I failed Grade 10.

You failed Grade 10?

Cyrus

[points his gun towards the Roc Pile] Fuck off! [points to his car, which has been vandalized with graffiti] And what's this, "I'm a fuckhead"? Huh?

Ricky

Actually, it says "I'm fucked in the head," 'cause you are.

Sarah

Ricky, where the fuck are Cory and Trevor? I said I wanted them back an hour ago.

Ricky

I don't fucking know. They went home two hours ago. They told me.

Sarah

Well, I don't have them, you must still have them.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT! I PAID FOR A LADY, NOT FUCKING CORY AND TREVOR!

J-Roc

Ricky, what the fuck happened to your head, man?

Ricky

Fucking Lahey blew me up! What happened to YOUR head? Why you wearing a wig, J-Roc? That's fucked.

J-Roc

Yo I ain't J-Roc, that muthafuka's in jail.

Tyrone

Yeah, that's not J-Roc. J-Roc's in jail 'til the album drops!

J-Roc

That's right, T.

J-Roc

What's crackin', y'all? Let me be the first to officially welcome y'all muhfuckas to my brand-new joint: Scrilla Villa! Aight, dawg, check it out. Let me explain somethin' to ya, ya know'm sayin'? Me' n' T had to get somethin' set up with the babies on the way, know'm sayin'? With the family, ya know'm mean? So we had to start workin'. That's when I realized the airport has some interesting job opportunities, dawg.

Tyrone

That's right. We had to seize the muthafucka!

J-Roc

Carpe dizzem, ya know'm sayin'?

Tyrone

That's right.

J-Roc

That's why we started gankin' luggage.

J-Roc

This is all the shit we ganked from overseas, ya know'm sayin'? It's all from Europe! It's tight! Muhfuckas come back with some crazy-ass shit, dawg. You want a box for ya bling? It's ten muhfuckas! It's tight, cheap, and dope. I'm out.

J-Roc

This here room is what I call "Liquors of the World", dawg, you know'm sayin'? Look at all this shit that muhfucks bring back. It's ya passport to gettin' drunk, you know'm sayin'? [picks up a bottle shaped like a guitar] Glug-glug, ting-ting-ting-ting-ting!

J-Roc

[picks up a shoe] Real snake! What? Sayin'! We so busy now, ya know'm mean? I had to hire employees, ya know'm mean? That's Lucy right there. Lucy, one of my employees. [points to her stomach] That li'l muhfucka ain't, though! I ain't payin' for that muhfucka!