You don't wanna move the cars? Fine, boys! Well, I'm just gonna start pissin' in this general direction, and if this car's illegally parked, it might accidentally get pissed on! Everybody want to see some pissin'?
BarbDon't! Richard!
[Ricky climbs on the hood and pisses on the car's windshield]
Barb
RICHARD!
I fuckin' warned them three times, Barb, and they wouldn't listen to me! They don't even believe I'm the trailer park supervisor, all right?!
Barb
Gentlemen, I am so very sorry about this...
You're right Bernie, he's the epitome of refractory!
Tell 'em, Julian! I'm the trailer park supervisor here! You guys won't believe me! It's bullshit!
BBernie
Jim, let me take this one. Ricky, you and me. Come on! [grabs Ricky's arm and leads him away]
What the fuck do you wanna talk about?
BBernie
You'll find out! What you've just done, pissin' on my car, you have crossed the line with me! I've had guys throw barbecues at me, they've broke the windows out of my car, they've cursed and sworn at me! But the bottom line is: I ain't shook. [clenches his fist] 'Cause if the Right Hook comes out, crazy motherfuckers like you get knocked out. Don't be lookin' me in the eyes, boy! I ain't got no candy for you! No candy, except for the Right Hook.
Hey, do you like to party?
Barb
Excuse me?
Barb
Oh my God, Randal? Are you a male prostitute?
Barb
You are. You're a male prostitute and you've been drinking!
No, I'm not a male prostitute! I work construction down in Florida. I got time off for Christmas.
Barb
Randal...
Okay, I am a male prostitute and I've had a couple drinks.
Barb
Oh my God, you poor thing! Go on, get in my car and warm up. Do you like cheeseburgers, hon?
Barb
No! No, this is Jim. And Jim, this is Randal. Well, Randy. He's gonna be staying with us for a little while, just temporarily. I thought he could help you out around the park, you know, for a bit of food and a place to stay.
Barb
Well, yes. That is why I started the outreach program at the church. You just, um, you just make yourself at home, Randy.
[Barb walks out of the room]
Don't you say a fuckin' word! And don't call me Simon. Please never call me Simon, always Mr. Lahey! Always. Always!
[Sam gets out of the pick-up truck]
Barb
Hi, Sam.
SSam
Hey Randy, do you wanna sign this so I can get started, please?
SSam
It's a purchase order.
I didn't call to have the park paved.
SSam
I got an emergency call to get down here and pave the park right away. Sign it so I can get started.
I didn't do it, Sam. I didn't call ya.
SSam
Fuck, there's your name, Randy Bo Bandy. Now sign it so I can get started.
Barb
He said he didn't call, Sam!
Bo Bandy? I didn't call. I didn't call.
SSam
Once I start that truck, I'm on the fucking clock, okay? So sign it so I can get started.
I'm not signing shit! Why don't you go back and pave your cave, ya fuckin' caveman?
SSam
The fuck did you call me?
Barb
Well...you are a caveman, Sam.
SSam
Listen Burger Boy, you fuckin' pay me right now! You pay me right now! You fuckin' pay me right now!
[Randy and Sam fight each other]
Barb
Randy! Sam! Sam! Randy!
TTed
Alright. You guys are under arrest for breach of the peace.
[The cops arrest Randy and Sam]
SSam
Motherfuckers, every time I come down here!
TTed
I gotta deal with you here, Randy.
Ted, this is bullshit! I was just trying to have a nice cheeseburger picnic and it got all fucked up! SON OF A BITCH! FOR FUCK'S SAKES! THIS IS FUCKIN' BULLSHIT!
[Ted opens the back door, puts Randy in the police car and closes the back door]
[Randy rips his pants]
Ah! MOOSE BALLS! My pants!
[Barb laughs]
It's not funny, Barb! [punches the wall]
[Randy walks away and punches the wall again]
Barb
Randy!
BALLS! My best pants! [punches the wall again]
This is fuckin'! [punches the wall again]
Barb
Randy!
Barb
So what do you wanna talk about, Randy? Or do you need to be high first?
There's no real easy way of saying this... I fucked up.
Barb
What are you talking about?
Basically, I banged Lucy and knocked her up...no big deal.
Barb
Oh my God, that was you? Ugh, greasy. Do you know the whole park is talking about that?
You cheated on me, Randy? You cheated on us? You cheated on us?!
Barb
So that's $176.92, now would you like me to give it to you? Or should I give it directly to your drug dealer?
Look, you guys have a good time dancin'. And Barb, your scalloped potatoes are fucked.
Barb, maybe you should lay off the alcohol just for a couple--
Barb
Don't you think? Do you think, Jim? Because you know what? I'm gonna be totally honest with you, and it's...it's a bit ironic, but since you stopped drinking, you are not half as much fun.
Barb...I'm doing my best here.
Barb
Jim, I wish you'd start drinkin' again!
Trailer Park Boys · 180 quotes
