Ricky quotes from Trailer Park Boys

Julian

All right boys, let's dump him in.

Bubbles

Wait, could I at least keep his glasses and his little sweater?

Ricky

No way, bad idea, Bubbles.

Julian

Come on, Bubs, let's go.

Ricky

[tossing Conky in his "coffin" into the swamp[;; Fuck you, Conky.

Ricky

Bubbles, hold the binoculars. If this thing's down there, Julian, I want you to shoot him, then I'm gonna jump on top of the cocksucker with a net, and we're gonna have to beat him with everything we fuckin' got.

Ricky

I could need some help from you dicks, alright?

Ricky

You hear that there, Mr. Microphone Man? If we get this thing down in the net, you fuckin' jump in and help us!

Ricky

Fuckin' idiot.

Frig off, Rick!

Ricky

Don't tell me to frig off. Thing attacks you, I'm not even gonna jump in.

Bubbles

Boys, I slipped in poop! Bigfoot poop!

Bubbles

Do I got Bigfoot poop on me?

Julian

Holy shit, boys, don't move! So that's who's been eating our weed.

Ricky

You little fucker. Okay, you guys stay here. I'm gonna throw the net on him, put him in a headlock and choke him out.

Bubbles

Ricky, put the net down. You're not fuckin' choking him out.

Ricky

Why?

Bubbles

He's just a big kitty, boys. I can deal with this. I know kitties.

Ricky

What if he has radies?

Bubbles

Ricky, it's rabies, with a "B", not radies. And he doesn't have rabies. He's been eating weed for a fuckin' month! He's baked out of his goddamn mind, I can tell just the way he's standing there. He only did that to Trevor because he had that leopard-print jacket on. See? He's just a big, stoned, horny kitty with the munchies! Trevor was eating chips, too! [pets the mountain lion] Who's a good boy?

Julian

Bubbles, Bubbles, listen to me. This isn't a helpless little kitty. This is a dangerous fucking kitty. You know he's gotta go, right? Remember the saying "if you love something, set it free"?

Bubbles

I know, I know. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. I've heard it a thousand times. But he needs our help right now, and the best thing to do is to get some weed in the fajitas, now let's do it.

Ricky

This is all I got left. I'm telling you right now, I'll give him some, but...I'm eating half those fajitas. You hear me there, "Steve", or whatever the fuck your name is?

Bubbles

Steve French.

Jim

We know there's a fuckin' animal in here, Ricky. The tracks lead right to shit town. What the fuck's goin' on?

Ricky

What the hell are you talking about, Lahey, you idiot... [throws Lahey's bow over the fence] Look, this is none of your fuckin' business. You know what? We all know what's going on here anyway. You're trying to fill my feet. Guess what, Lahey? You will never, ever be the fuckin' trailer park supervisor I was. Got that? [lights a cigarette] You're fuckin' losin' it, bud.

Jim

You know what, Ricky? You already lost it. It's gone, bud. Whatever it is, whatever you are, gone. He who looks into the abyss, realizes that there's nothin' looking back at him, and the only thing he sees is his own character, Ricky. You understand, bud? The abyss? The shit abyss?

Randy

Means deep stuff, Ricky. You wouldn't understand.

Ricky

What does it mean, then, Randy? Huh? Fuck does it mean?

Randy

I understand it.

Ricky

Oh, you do, do you? No you don't, because it's fucked. 'Cause everything you assholes say, you fuckin' take from books. Guess what? I don't steal anything from books. You guys, get the fuck outta here! [pushes Lahey into the car] Get the fuck outta here, I'm serious! [throws a net on Randy] And take your little net with you! [pushes Randy into the car]

Randy

Frig off, Ricky!

Ricky

Oh, we caught a little animal, there's a big fuckin' animal in the trailer park! Fuckin' dicks. Get the fuck outta here! [slams the car door]

Bubbles

Shit abyss. I'm not a-scared of a fuckin' shit abyss. Lahey's fucked.

Julian

Yeah, well, if Lahey sees Steve French and calls the Department of Lands and Forests, we're fucked, boys.

Ricky

What the fuck would the Department of Lands and Forests do?

Julian

Did you see the tattoo under Steve French's ear?

Ricky

No.

Julian

Well, there's one there, and they use it for tracking, Rick. They'll be able to track him right back to our dope field. Cops, jail. Fuck jail. I'm not going back to jail, Ricky. Not gonna happen, man.

Ricky

Julian, don't be dissing jail, man. We've had some good fucking parties in there. We have good friends in there. They fed you, you use their gym. Come on, don't be dissing jail. It's not fucking cool.

Lucy

Ricky, get this cat outta here or I'm pressing charges. There are kids that live here, for God's sake. You know, children? Family?

Ricky

I know what fuckin' kids are, Lucy. And I'm a hell of a lot better father than you'll ever fuckin' be.

Lucy

You have no idea how stupid you are, do you?

Ricky

Actually, yes I do.

[singing "Working Man" while harvesting marijuana]

Ricky

What in the fuck is going on? Can everybody please shut up?

Bubbles

Ricky, you're forcing Rita McNeil and her band to harvest dope at gunpoint. You could be a little fucking nicer!

[handing a dope plant to Ricky] Here's a good one, dear.

J-Roc

Ricky, what the fuck happened to your head, man?

Ricky

Fucking Lahey blew me up! What happened to YOUR head? Why you wearing a wig, J-Roc? That's fucked.

J-Roc

Yo I ain't J-Roc, that muthafuka's in jail.

Tyrone

Yeah, that's not J-Roc. J-Roc's in jail 'til the album drops!

J-Roc

That's right, T.

Ricky

There is nothing better than being in jail at Christmas. Guards let you party for twelve days straight, got no fuckin' work chores or book readin's or Christmas trees or giving gifts or fuckin' lights... Fuck all that bullshit! [to other prisoners] Let's get fucked up!

Ricky, you got somebody here to see you.

Ricky

What are you talking about?

Ricky

Bubbles! What are you doing here, buddy?

Bubbles

Hey Ricky! Julian bailed you out! You're out!

Ricky

What?

Bubbles

Get your stuff!

Ricky

No, Bubs, no! I got twelve days of partying. Come back in twelve days, buddy.

Bubbles

Ricky, what are you talking about? Come on, we're getting you out! Sign out!

Ricky

Oh my fuck! I don't wanna leave now! What the fuck's he doing bailing me out? Fuck! Thiebaud! Thiebaud, go get my shit. Apparently I'm out. Christmas is fuckin' ruined.

Ray

So tell me, buddy. What did you learn about being a man on the inside this time around, man?

Ricky

Dad, not this shit.

Ray

Not shit, Rick. I'm talking about your soul. And we're going to Midnight Mass tomorrow night too, boys, by the way...

Ricky

No...

Ray

Way it goes! What did you learn about being a man?

Ricky

Mostly just family stuff. I mean, well, a man is...is supposed to...always be thinkin' about stuff about his family and for to make himself to do things that are gonna good-er the family up-around and good-er it up. And that is what is a man.

Ray

Yeah. Yeah, no, you're--you're--you're right. But did you ever wonder why a smart guy like you is on this earth, Rick? Smart guy with a good soul, a guy who shouldn't be in jail?

Ricky

Dad, don't be dissin' jail. Seriously. Don't fuckin' diss jail.

Ray

I'm not dissing jail, Rick. I'm not dissing jail, buddy. I'm talking about your spirituality here, okay? Come on, spirituality!

Ricky

Dad, I write letters every year. You know that. I mean, I'm sending a letter off to the big guy tomorrow. So, it's taken care of. Done. No problem.

Ray

Huh?

Ricky

The letters... You and Mom got me to write them every year at Christmas. I'm sending one off tomorrow again.

Ray

To Santa Claus, Rick?!

Ricky

Yeah, the big guy.

Bubbles

The big guy?! The big guy? That's God, Ricky.

Ricky

Yeah, God. That's what I said. Santa.

Ray

Ricky, come on. You know Santa and God aren't the same guy, right?

Ricky

Dad, you didn't know that? I mean, think about it! How would he get around the world in one night? Of course he's the same person. Right, Bubs?

Bubbles

No, Ricky. Santa and God, that's two different things.

Ricky

What...?

Ricky

Oh my fuck! You know, I did maybe think that I fucked that up. I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to say anything just in case Santa was God. Like, it would obviously, probably, wouldn't it piss him off that I got that mixed up like that?

Ray

Ah, Jesus Ricky!

Ricky

But it'd piss him off!

Ray

Well, yeah, Ricky, but... Man!

Ricky

You never mixed that up?

Ray

No!

Ricky

Bubs, you never mixed that up?

Bubbles

No, Ricky, I've never mixed that one up. Ricky, wait now. Were you counting on Santa to bring presents to Trinity?

Ricky

Yeah. What, Santa's not coming now?

Ray

No! Rick, no.

Ricky

Well, that's fuckin' bullshit! Well, I've got no presents! What am I supposed to do? I need presents for Lucy and Trinity!

Ricky

Great! Christmas is fucked!

Julian

Boys, get these trees delivered! Come on!

Ricky

Hurry the fuck up, we gotta go down to the mall! Fuckin' nerds...

Bubbles

[laughs] Nerds!

Julian

What the fuck are you guys doing? Huh? Grab a tree! Both of yas! One each!

Cory

You want one of these ones, er...

Julian

Just grab a fuckin' tree!

Ricky

Hey! Nerds! Let's go!

Trevor

Julian, I can't get the tree out, it's stuck!

Ricky

You can't get the tree out because you're a nerd! Why is there two nerds carrying one tree?! One tree per nerd! Goddamn fuckin' nerds!

Ray

Boys! Let's go. We have to get to church. Let's go.

Ricky

Dad, I can't go to church. Got a bunch of dope from jail and we're going down to the pool hall to make some money!

Ray

Ricky, it's Christmas. We're going to church. That's the way it goes.

Julian

Ray, I've got gifts to sell. I'm not going to church. I can't go to church.

Bubbles

I'm not going to church. I have no interest in going.

Ricky

Dad, I gotta sell my dope...

Ray

Way it goes! Way it goes, boys.

Ricky

I saw Director's Cut, that was fuckin' awesome.

Bubbles

Ricky, that was Blade Runner: The Director's Cut. That's not the name of the movie.

Dennis, what the fuck is going on here?

Terry, can you do me a fucking favour and just chill out a little bit? All right? Everything is under control. Fuck, j--just chill out for a bit. Just sit down or somethin'.

Ray

Cory and Trevor fucked you guys over big time, okay? That's what's going on. They fucked you over big time. They took all your money. It's all gone, you don't own the park. Everything is fucking gone. They took everything, boys.

Ricky

[dumbfounded] Dad, I don't know if I understand you right here. You're saying Cory and Trevor...th-they fucked up?