Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles! I got something for you!
Oh my God! Conky! Conky! Where have you been? Oh my God! Oh my God, I've missed you! I thought you were dead for sure!
I thought you were dead too, you little bastard.
CConky
Luckily I don't need oxygen to live under water like you do. Stupid!
Julian, it's starting already. I'm telling you right now. [turns his attention back to the puppet] If you fuck with me, Conky, I'm gonna fuck with you. I'm outta here.
No, no, no. [pulls Ricky aside] Ricky, Ricky, I need your help here! We gotta get him to the hospital or he could go into a coma!
What?! A coma?! A coma? I'm going into a coma? Julian, I can't.
No, no, no, you're probably not gonna. You're gonna be fine, Bubbles!
What's it like in a coma?
Bubbles, why don't you ask Conky if it's okay to go to the hospital?
Conky, do you think. Do you think it would be a good idea for me to go to the hospital and get that fixed?
CConky
Well, I think it might be a good idea to go on an adventure with Julian and...Rickyyyyy! [disturbed giggle]
Final warning there, fuckface. Final warning.
Yes, you can. My friend's got an abscess tooth. We need someone to take a look at it.
No, we don't actually, Julian. Let's just get the fuck outta here. I'm fine.
NNurse
I'm sorry sir, there's no smoking. And is this gentleman with you too?
Yeah, I'm fucking with him. What do you mean, there's no smoking?
NNurse
And what is your problem, sir?
Well, now I can't smoke. That's my first problem. I got a busted nose which I now got a rag glued to, and a fucking truck glued to my hand. How's that for a start?
CConky
And she's fucked in the head.
CConky
He needs a brain transplant.
[grasps Conky by his throat] I'm serious. You better fuck off.
[moves Ricky's hand away from Conky] Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick.
You've been fucking with me all goddamn day here.
NNurse
Washington, hold wide. Please, Washington. Sir, let's all just calm down.
You want a piece of me, you little dick? Huh?
CConky
Don't you touch me.
[punches Conky in the face] Stop fucking looking at me, Conky!
NNurse
What is the gentleman's first name?
NNurse
And what is his last name?
Get the fuck away from me, Conky. Get the fuck away from me.
NNurse
Okay. And you gentlemen all live at the same civic address?
[points to Bubbles] He lives in my shed. [points to Ricky] Ricky lives in his car.
NNurse
Okay. Any health card social insurance numbers? Is there any information you can give me?
I do have one last bit of information for ya. [sticks up both middle fingers on both his hands, with the truck glued to his hand] This is called a double whammy, which I only bring out for special occasions, alright? So why don't you and your whole hospital fuck off, you won't help me. It's 'cause I live in a car? Is that what it is?
[the boys get apprehended by orderlies and are pulled from the nurse's desk]
Fuck! Holy fuck! You guys can fuck off!
The fuck is this shit?! I live in a car! You won't fucking fix me up or help my friend?
CConky
Nice going, Ricky.
[the orderlies throw the boys out of the hospital]
OOrderly
Crazy octo-eyed motherfuckers!
CConky
Frig off, Washington. [to Ricky and Julian] Are you happy now, Julian? Bubbles is gonna go into a coma and die probably, ya idiots!
Conky, please, just don't taunt.
Bubs, Bubs, don't worry about it. I'll get that tooth out somehow, alright?
[pissing on the side of the hospital] Who can go fuck whose self?! No, you fuck off, you little fucker!
Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
Fuckin' squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
Ricky, you're hallucinating!
[pulls Ricky away from the wall] Listen, get a hold of yourself, Ricky. Ricky, you just pissed on me!
Well, you pulled me away!
Listen, just pretend you're on mushrooms, all right? Just go with it. Come on, let's go.
[while waiting in the car for Ricky and Julian to get back]
CConky
Well, well, well, what do we have here? Jim Lahey's car is at the vet!
CConky
Why don't you go find out, Bubbles? Or are you too scared?
Conky, you better fuck off, I'm tellin' ya!
CConky
Fuck off? You just remember I call the shots here, Bubbles. You got it?
[at Sam Losco Veterinary Services]
CConky
Why don't you just off shoot your gun some more, very recklessly like. Idiot!
Did you just call me an idiot, Conky? Huh?
CConky
Maybe I did, Reveeeeeen!
All right, Reveen is taking it a little too far, all right? You little fucker.
CConky
[singing] He's the fuckin' man they call...
CConky
Reveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
That's it. I have fuckin' had it with you. [whips out his gun and points it in the puppet's face]
Ricky, you're pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet.
Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.
I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.
Ricky, give me the gun. Give it to me.
[Julian manages to get the gun out of Ricky's hand]
CConky
Oh, those were excellent negotiation tactics you used...Patrick...Swayze.
That's not funny, Bubbles.
CConky
[singing] Oh, my Julian, my handsome Julian- Patrick Swayze, [Julian pushes Conky away from Bubbles' face] you were so fuckin' sexy in Road House and fuckin' Dirty Dancin.
[Julian raises the gun and shoots Conky in the face, blowing his head apart, but avoiding Bubbles]
Oh my God! Julian, what happened?
[hugs Bubbles] Sorry, buddy. You were going crazy on us, man.
SSam
Smoking much dope lately, boys? You guys are fucked.
Trailer Park Boys · 180 quotes
