Brock Samson quotes from The Venture Bros.

Brock

Just keep it up, Billy. We're getting some excellent intel out of you!

What intel? I've been here a day! I haven't done any spying yet!

Sure you have! That new eye of yours? It's actually a 3-D laser-matrix holographic camera! (indicating Billy's mechanical hand) And this little pud puller stores all the data!

You guys wired me?

Are you kidding? Why, you're a walking wire! And right now, you need to walk back in there and do you God-given duty! There are no free hands in this business, son!

Brock

Don't you want to wait 'til Hunter gets here? You're gonna strain your voice yelling twice.

Colonel Gathers has been transferred to Guam, effective 0700 this morning. Your windmill chasing days are over, Sancho Panza, you've got a new assignment!

Brock

[looks over the file Haine just gave him] Ahhh come on, this is rookie stuff!

Dismissed, Samson!!

Brock

What about the kid?

What, do you want to adopt him? I said take it on the arches.

Psy-ops needs guinea pigs for their memory wipe project, okay? So unlike you, he still works here.

Brock

(advancing on Hatred) Hey, hey!!

Woah, rubber bullets, rubber bullets! Just keepin' it lively! It's not all charts and schedules and...

Man, he's a delicate one, isn't he? They don't usually break the skin like that. (into his comlink) Malice Troop!

Sir?

Yeah, we got a bleeder here. Eighty-six the non-lethal. We're goin' full Nerf on this one!

You are married to a powerful man...

Dr. Girlfriend

Uh... Mrs. Hulk Hogan?

No. Let's see... you are famous for your pink dresses and pillbox hats...

Dr. Girlfriend

Uh... me?

I loved you in "Fire Walk With Me," but most know your work from...

Brock

(obviously very bored) Yeah, fine, whatever. (Pulls off his own tag and reads it to the room) I'm Harry Dean Stanton!

Dr. Girlfriend

Huh? Who the heck is.... Jack-a-leen Oh-nass-is?

[as the Moppets pass by] Some people just shouldn't breed. Those're some ugly kids.

Brock

Kids? You're kiddin' right? They're achondroplastic dwarves.

And they're almost as good as you or I and they deserve this camp as much as any kid here. You're such a racist.

Brock

They're not really a race, doc.

Will you listen to yourself, Hitler?

Action Johnny

How many you have fathers? Show of hands.

Action Johnny

Hey, kid. Why's your hand not up? What, no father? You don't look like Jesus, bro!

My daddy died. While I was sleeping.

Action Johnny

Oh, well you had a father. So now you're fuckin' free, man! C'mon, I wanna see those hands up! *gasp* Wait a minute. Action Johnny's hand isn't up! Does he not have a father? NO!!! Fathers are loving and caring and protective men, and I don't have one of those! But who cares, man? (breaking down) Who cares, who cares, who cares!? Maybe I did kill the dog! Maybe I was the Lizard Man who stole your precious serum! You loved that serum more than you loved me!! (falling to his knees) FATHER!!!! FATHER!!!!!

Brock

I liked him better when he was strung out. Poor bastard.

(gleefully) A hit, eh? You want us to make 'im suffer? Or just end it, quick and quiet-like?

Brock

Nah, nothin' permanent... just, like, give him a little taste of fear. I guess you can break something small... like a toe...

We can take out his tongue..

(with relish) With a knife!

Or remove 'is 'eart...

(with great relish) Yeah, with a knife!

A bigger knife!

(with greater relish) Fucking knife!

Brock

(a touch uneasy) Yeeeeahhhhhhh.... you guys....are....kinda creepy. I think this may be a stupid idea.

And let me tell you somethin' about ants! You know that whole "Ants can lift a hundred times their own weight" thing? It's a myth! Think about it. What's an ant weigh? Like, nothin'. What nothin' times a hundred?

Brock

Uh...nothin'?

It's nothin'!

That’s it, just like that, easy. Pull back a bit, god, your right on top of me.

Brock

I can’t help it... it’s stiff, doc. Maybe I should lube this thing up before we take it down there.

It’ll be fine. It’s not built for speed, it’s built for deep penetration.

Brock

All right, that’s it. You promise no penetration jokes.

Oh come on, look at that thing! How can I resist? Its practically a monument to my father’s repression.

Where is Dr. Venture?

Brock

Don’t worry, I found him, he’s right here. And, he wants to talk to you too.

Oh, hello Rusty!

No, Dr. Venture, It’s M.U.T.H.E.R.

You’re looking well. Enjoying your new life below ground?

No, Dr. Venture, we have much to talk about.

Ha-ha, good. Because today I like to talk to you about personal hygiene.

Oh OK.

This is gonna be one of those things, isn't it?

Brock

Uh-huh.

I mean, you get a bunch of short-fused, costumed idiots together in one room like this, and what do you think's gonna happen? Any minute now, stuff's gonna start blowing up, guys'll be throwing each other at other guys.

Brock

Yeah, probably.

You know, when you're not the one in the middle of it all for once, it's actually totally, completely obvious.

Brock

Welcome to my life.

...but it's a melee, you live for that crap!

Brock

I'm your bodyguard, not your brother's. He can put out his own fire.

It’s too bad Col. Gentlemen couldn’t be here to basks in the glory with you. Oh, or did you guys get him killed too?

Dean

Its the ghost of Col. Gentlemen!

Thats for breaking my step-daughter’s heart.

Brock

Hey-hey-hey hey, now!

Don’t you try it Prince Adam, this old panther's still got moves that will make your mullet spin.

Dean

But, you’re suppose to be dead?

Nonsense, I'm a Ox.

Wait, Brock, don’t. We have to go back.

Brock

What?

He’s family and he’s in trouble. He needs us.

Brock

[Laughs] Get the fuck out of here.

Hah-hah. Had you going for a minute there, didn’t I? Huh!

Brock

Yeah.

Had you going.

Brock

Yeah, yeah.

Brock

Aww no fuckin' way! Late 60's ultra death ray! She's amazing! Saddle operated with Doom-code gearing. Freakin' gorgeous.

If this were a woman, I'd marry it.

And I'd jeopardize our friendship by nailing your hot wife.