Dean Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Dean

Brock, I think I figured out why the plane crashed: There were skeletons driving it! (points to the charred remains of the pilots)

Dean

Don't worry, Brock. You'll be able to kill guys again in no time!

Dean

I look like Santa's magic janitor.

Dean

Naked!

Dean

I'm not a woman! I'm a boy science adventurer, like my father before me! (drops robes)

Dean

Run, orphans! Be free! And have your own room! And maybe not have to live in fear of costumed guys trying to kill you all the time! And there are no yetis freaking out on you or, like, putting you on a rocketship! Run to a place where your father won't make you get in a fight with a venus flytrap that walks and, with a gun!

Dean

How can you say that about Hitler? I love Hitler, and Hitler loves me! He's not so bad - Hitler just needs someone to believe in him! Can't you just give Hitler a chance?

Dean

I've been listening to this stupid learning bed my whole life, and you know what? I haven't learned shit! I could tell you how many taste buds are on the human tongue, but I've never even French-kissed a girl!

Brock

Stay back! Another one of those mummies got stuck in our landing gear.

Who dares to desecrate the sacred tomb of- oof!

Ow! Hey, hey! Wait a minute. (Brock breaks the mummys arm.) There's no reason to - aarghhh! (Brock delivers a karate chop to the throat.) Oof! Ow, oh, hey!

Hank

Holy toledo, he ripped on him!

Dean

Way to give him a little chin music Brock!

Well that ought to take care of tha-

Dean

Look, Brock still ain't done with him!

Hank

That's showing him who's boss, Brock-O!

Was that really necessary?

Brock

You have to defile a mummy completely or they'll come back to life. You know that.

Dean

We knew you wouldn't let us down.

Hank

And just in the nick of time, too. Monarch was gettin' all 'creepy uncle' on us.

Hank

(trying to pick a lock) Double dammit!

Dean

Hank, you said the double-D word!

Hank

What's your problem with our dad, anyway?!

(awkwardly) Well, I- he- he's my nemesis. My archenemy.

Dean

I don't think Pop thinks you're his archenemy.

Come on, I'm sure the walls of the Venture Compound are practically caked with the lingering curses of the Monarch's name.

Dean

Uhh, no. I've never even heard him mention you.

Hank

Yeah, I always thought Baron Ünderbheit was dad's arch-enemy.

(astounded) Ünderbheit!?! Why, that dime-store Doctor Doom isn't fit to...just you wait 'til your father calls me back!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

Off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

Off!

Dean

It's on!

That's called 'blinking', boys...

Hank

Now it's just regular on.

Phantom Space Man!

What the hell are you smiling about?

Hank

(dreamily) Brock said I'm the man of the house while he's gone.

(annoyed) Oh, so you think you're a big man now, huh?

Hank

(uneasily) Uh, no...sir?

Think you can take your old dad, huh? I knew this day would come! Go ahead, big man, take your best shot!

Hank

What...what do you mean, pop?

Dean

No! Stop it, you two! This family's tearing itself apart! (begins to cry)

You proud of yourself, big man? Look what you're doing to your poor brother!