Doctor Girlfriend quotes from The Venture Bros.

Dr. Girlfriend

Monstroso? That's what this is about? He's the king of the double cross. I mean, think about it, he's a lawyer and a super villian. That's like a shark with a grenade launcher on its head.

All right, which one of you sold the Monarch out? OK, OK. I'm gonna turn around and close my eyes, and I want the guilty party to step forward. No judgments, you won't be punished, I just want to know who did it, OK?

Traitor! Dirty bastard traitor! I knew it was you, number...

Dr. Girlfriend

37.

Number 37! Strike him from the roster, Dr. Girlfriend.

(tastes a cup of soda and spits) What is this, diet? Why did you get diet?

Dr. Girlfriend

I didn't.

Taste this, then! (shoves the cup into Girlfriend's face)

Dr. Girlfriend

Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.

How do you do that?! How can you not tell the difference?! God, it's like having my dad do the shopping!

So I said, "Listen, my Dad invented UNIVAC, so I think I would know!" Well, that uppity little T.A. didn't give me any more trouble the rest of the semester.

Dr. Girlfriend

[forces a laugh] You dog, you.

Tell him you're going out with the girls tonight or something, I don't care!

Dr. Girlfriend

He's not buying it.

Ooo, I know! Tell him you think it's moving too fast.

Dr. Girlfriend, would you come over here with me for a moment.

Dr. Girlfriend

(oblivious to the situation) Oh I guess the muscular one is alright, but the boy is just going too far. Can't we just use the puppet again?

Brock

You scream, I'll break your neck, you understand me? (Dr. Girlfriend nods, and Brock takes his hand from her mouth)

Dr. Girlfriend

You're going to take advantage of me, aren't you? (removes the bedsheets to reveal herself in lingerie) Well, be quick with it!

Brock

To be honest with you, I never really considered that.

Dr. Girlfriend

Why not?

Brock

Just didn't.

Dr. Girlfriend

(obviously disappointed) Well, I'm not gonna beg.

Dr. Girlfriend

Sweetie, isn't that the guy from Depeche Mode?

Oh no, wait, where? Holy crap, he's with a girl!

Dr. Girlfriend

Oh yeah, that guy is totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH1.

But he's the guy from Depeche Mode. That's impossible!

Dr. Girlfriend

Straight!

Come on! He's in Depeche Mode!

(finally inside Dr. Venture's laboratory) Oh my god, look at this place. It's like a museum of failure.

Dr. Girlfriend

It's almost depressing.

Here I am, in the belly of the beast, and I don't even care. (indicating a gadget nearby) I don't even feel like taking a whiz on this. I used to DREAM of taking a whiz on this!

Dr. Girlfriend

So I guess...we're not gonna...

What can I do to this guy that life hasn't already? I almost feel sorry for him.

Dr. Girlfriend

(examining her old outfit during a flashback) What are these hard chunks?

(momentarily panicked, then smoothly recovering) My... tears.

(back in the courtroom, present day) Tears?? You have to be kidding me! You know that sick deformed slob was... (shudders) You know he was pounding his invisible meat all over...

That's it! Objection! Your honor, I have children listening to this potty talk!

Sustained. I want that last bit stricken from the record. (under his breath) And my mind.

Okay, then who haven't you slept with? I'm sure that's a shorter list.

Dr. Girlfriend

Oh you are insane!

I'm insane? I'm insane?! Look at these! There's a picture of you in Monstroso's lap.

Dr. Girlfriend

That was a party. Look at his lap, it's huge. There's, like, five of us on it.

Yeah, right. And here's one of you skinny-dipping with Jim Foetus!

Dr. Girlfriend

Let me see that, I don't remember...

And there's a whole collage of you and Phantom Limb!

Dr. Girlfriend

All right, fine! I used to work for him, so what?

Holy crap! (holds book sideways, unraveling a fold-out) Look at your costume! What, did Frank Frazetta design it for you?! It's tiny! I can see your...dirty pillows!

Dr. Girlfriend

I am leaving! If you can't calm down, I'm leaving.

You can't leave, I'm throwing you out! Get out of my cocoon, you WHORE!!!

Dean

Mommy, how do you know where to go?

Dr. Girlfriend

I'm not your mommy! And I put a tracer on the Monarch when we were first dating- HANK, take this right!

Hank

I'm driving! I'm a driver!

(in unison) We know!

Dr. Girlfriend

Yeah, tracer. You do stuff like that when you date super villains.

Dean

Where'd you put it? Is it in his brain? Or is it like a secret tracer tooth?

Dr. Girlfriend

No, I hid it in my mouth and I jammed it up his- (smirking) Honey, like I said, you do some pretty strange things when you date super villains.

Hank

Who are all these people?

Dean

Are they all mommy's other boyfriends?

Dr. Girlfriend

Stop calling me your fucking mommy!

Dr. Girlfriend

Well, isn't this wonderful? My favorite part was when you (Phantom Limb) decided to kill the Venture family. No, wait, it was when your (The Monarch) fake date ran off crying. Come on, Monarch, how old was she? ("Jollyrancher82")

Will you look at me? I'm in a fucking evil butterfly costume! What age group do you think is going to be attracted to me!?

Dr. Girlfriend

Super. Well, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I'm going to powder my nose or whatever the cliche is.

Hoooo, nice one! Look what you did.

Yeah, I did that.

Can I ask you a question?

Dr. Girlfriend

(sighs) Yes, I belong in here; I just have a deep voice.

Okay. Can I ask you another one?

Dr. Girlfriend

Yeah, sure.

What color lipstick is that?

Dr. Girlfriend

"Pink Poodle". It's a MAC color. They give a Guild discount. You're in the Guild. Aren't you?

I don't know what the Guild means.

Dr. Girlfriend

Tell me about it. I don't know anymore myself. So, do you work, uh, single, number 2 a man?

Um, I don't really have a guy.

Dr. Girlfriend

Well, let me give you my card, I like your look. Yeah, I've had it up to here with men and I think we'd make a nice team. Call me.

Did you see that? That woman just totally hit on me.

Triana Orpheus

She wasn't hitting on you. Read the card.

Oh my god! I knew it. She's a supervillian, that is so cool! She thought I was a bad guy, I am so gonna to do this.