Pete White quotes from The Venture Bros.

(on the radio): You're listening to the White Room. I'm your host, the evah-populah Pete White. This next one's a dedication to Leslie Cohen from her little buddy Mike Sorayama. And he writes "Leslie, I masturbate furiously to your picture every night. Please notice me. Love, Mike."

Oh for Pete's -- for my sake!

Hello, Goldilocks? This is Casper. Little Nemo has fallen out of bed.

"Fun in the sun?" "Sparkling seas?" Do I have to spell it out for you people? I am an albino! This isn't a fashion choice! My body literally hates the sun. On, like, a molecular level!

It's like wearing nothing at all. Like a second skin.

Ummm, you've got a little something brown on your nose.

Professor, no offense, but that's just crazy! Violence isn't the answer. This is a think tank; we're the most powerful minds on the planet! Let's act like it!

Billy's right. We can create an antidote if we work together!

(pauses for a second to contemplate) Nah, my way's safer.

Alright, let's see them.

Dean

I don't want to show my junk to a little boy.

Oh, come on!

Dean

You said you wouldn't look!

I'M NOT LOOKING! Billy, fess up to the boy. He's been pulling that "Boy Genius" crap for at least the 20 years that I've known him.

Well, nobody is that impressed with "Master Billy Quizboy ADULT Genius."

Like a speech impediment and growth hormone deficiency qualifies you as a "BOY Genius."

Don't forget the huge head!

Hey! I copped to it! Now you guys are just ganging up on me! Can we just do this please?

Well, what happens if we wait?

That's not so good. My guess is that in a couple of hours, your son's testes are going to die, then atrophy.

Think raisin, or better yet, you know when you're eating peanuts, and you crack one open and the little nut is all dark and crammed into one corner...

You're finished, right? As for untwisting them, I don't know which way they spun.

Unless you're that guy from INXS and that's, like, your thing, the pain would be excruciating.

Hank

Wait! You lived with BROCK?? That is so unbelievably cool!

Dean

No wonder you guys are such super pals!

Actually... back then we didn't see much of each other...

We had very different schedules... always coming and going... at... different times...

Wait, tell 'em who really won the roommate lottery that year.

Oh, God, don't remind me.

Okay, so the university sticks me with this exchange student, (switch to college) but check it out, he's, like, a prince or something. His parents sent him a care package last week for his birthday. You know what he got? A personal slave. The poor guy sleeps in my closet. Speak of the dickweed. Hey, Werner.

Dean

Baron Ünderbheit!!!

(back to present) Yeah. You told 'em?

Dean

No, Baron Ünderbheit is right there!

Hank

Holy crap! Brock, kick his butt!

Brock

Relax, boys, he's not gonna do anything. It's hallowed ground.

Hank

So what was he (Baron Ünderbheit) like in the olden days?

Well, except for the metal jaw, pretty much the same—total dick.

Baron Ünderbheit

The tape is on the floor for a reason, Peter! Your things belong on your side of the room and don't think I haven't noticed that you moved it to make your area larger. If you cannot obey the simplest of rules...

Yeah, well, you don't make the rules, fella. You might be a big shot in your own country but around here you're just a kid with the weirdest-smelling lunch.

Baron Ünderbheit

ARRRRRRGGGGHHH! Very well! Then you leave me with no choice but to take this up with the R.A. at the next floor meeting. Come, man-servant.

Who cuts his hair, the Incredible Hulk?

What, did he walk into the barbershop and say, "what can you do to make me look more like Pete Rose?"

Hey, what's wrong with his hair? I have, like, the same haircut.

Yeah, but you're Chinese, your people can't be blamed for what your hair does.

I'm Japanese, jerk-off. But yah, that's so true. At least I don't have his eyebrows.

You wanna see eyebrows, come to my Creative Writing class. There's this kid, no joke, they're out to here, and the weirdness doesn't stop there. All he writes are these way-too-specific poems about monarch butterflies. Total closet case!

Hank

(present) Okay, this is getting nuts. You're not gonna tell me that you went to college with the Monarch too! Where did you guys go, Super Crazy No-Way School?!

Brock

You made Leslie Cohen robots? Jeez.

Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job.

Sure, but why would you do that, fella?

To have sex with, Pete. I think that obvious. The man was obsessed with her in college

So? He was obsessed with Coco from Fame the year before.

Don't look at me! I have not lived enough for I have not tasted the flower of a woman.

What do you mean?

You haven't tasted a flower? Is that a direct metaphor?

Because I don't take many trips down south myself.

You guys are disgusting. No, I mean I haven't sampled the fruits of the fairer sex.

What's with the poetry Wordsworth? Just say it. Say I am a virgin!

I knew it!

Billy, that makes you the best canidate to take a ray blast. You have nothing to lose. You've never done anything. The way I look at it, it's not even murder. It's a very late abortion.

I vote Billy!

Seconded. Alright virgin, get on the target!

Well at least you hit this time. Anything happen?

Nah. Nothin'. I told you the phosphates were too old.

No... It worked. You shrank my lungs!

Woah! Rusty!! Hoo, man!!!

White, I can't breathe over here!!

It's gonna get worse! You remember that sound my chair made a second ago? That wasn't the chair.

It'll be over there in a minute, Billy. Oh, think deviled eggs.

I hate you guys...

[reading] "Notice of hostile takeover"? Venture— what a dick! Wait, we're not even a publicly traded company.

Oh, FYI, I issued some shares back when we needed cash for the Nintendo Wii.

White, I just remembered something...

What?

Everything...