NENetwork Executive Lady
We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy, he's "in your face." You've heard the expression, "let's get busy"? Well, this is a dog who gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly.
NENetwork Executive Lady
Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
WWriter
Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. [pause] I'm fired, aren't I?
RMRoger Myers Jr.
Oh, yes.
JBJune Bellamy
Relax, Homer. You'll do fine. I'm June Bellamy. I do the voices of Itchy and Scratchy.
JJune
[mimicking Itchy] She's a lady, all right. [mimicking Scratchy] A beautiful lady.
[laughing] Hey, that really is you. How did you get to be so good?
JJune
Oh, just experience, I suppose. I started out as Road Runner. [mimicking The Road Runner] Meep!
JJune
No. They only paid me to say it once, then they doubled it on the soundtrack. Cheap bastards.
Uh, question for Ms. Bellamy. In episode 2F09*, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a... [the nerds chuckle] a magic xylophone or something? Gee, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
I'll field this one. Let me ask you a question. Why would a man whose shirt says "Genius at Work" spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show?
[embarrassed pause] I withdraw my question. [starts eating a candy bar]
Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.
Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, you owe them!
[pause] Worst Episode Ever.
[In the latest episode of "Itchy and Scratchy," Itchy has frozen Scratchy in an ice block for an ice-sculpting contest. Itchy begins to slice Scratchy with a chainsaw, but then Poochie walks in.]
IItchy
Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?
PPoochie
Yes, I certainly do! [his image freezes, and we hear Myers's voice dubbing over the image, saying...] I have to go now. My planet needs me.
[The animation cel with Poochie on it actually slides upward in a choppy manner as a slide-whistle sound is heard. Then a handwritten note in red marker appears, reading: "NOTE: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet."]
Wow! Poochie came from another planet?
Hey, that wasn't supposed to happen! Those finks double-crossed me! [see Krusty on TV]
Poochie's dead! [laughing; children in the audience cheer loudly] Well, kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon characters die, they're back again the very next week. That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return! [Blue-Haired Lawyer examines the affidavit]
This document conforms to all applicable laws and statutes. [kids cheer]
