Lisa Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Lisa

No one ever wants the apple. They must be afraid there's a razor blade in me.

Bart

[sarcastic] Yeah, THAT'S the reason.

Lisa

Daaaad! I can't listen to this horror!

Homer

Okay, I'm onto it.

Lisa

Thank you.

Maggie

[possessed] I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind!

Lisa

Wait, wait, so you're not even as powerful as the south wind or the west wind? How lame is that?

Maggie

I used to be very important. Google it!

Marge

We're going to spend family time together without watching TV.

Lisa

Mom is right - Americans watch way too much TV. How many hours? Let me Google that. [uses her iPhone and laughs] Instead of TV, I typed "TB"! Let me Google that!

Marge

Turn off the devices, pronto!

Lisa

"Pronto!" Odd word. Let me Google that.

Bart

Hey, I'm doing something educational.

Marge

Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.

Bart

It's Tunnelcraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.

Marge

Can you die in it?

Bart

Yes.

Marge

It's a video game!

Lisa

Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect... What can you do? [glances at a picture of Apu]

Marge

Some things will be dealt with at a later date.

Lisa

If at all.

Lisa

Oh, I hate confrontation.

Bart

So just leave your body.

Lisa

Ok.

Lisa

Oh my god! - Hey!

Sea Captain

Fools! This whole contest was a ruse! [Homer then yelps after being grabbed by two Fogburyport citizens] You are here to be sacrifice to an evil god from the ocean depths.

Lisa

SpongeBob?

Sea Captain

No! To the eternal lord of horror, Cthulhu!

Sea Captain

An eating contest against the monstrous Cthulhu? To him, the Great Barrier Reef is just an average barrier reef.

Lisa

Well, my dad didn't eat breakfast.

Uh-oh.

You were sleeping like teacher.

Lisa

Oh, Ralph. I'm deceiving all the people I love, and it's so exciting.

Lies are like stars... they always come out.

Lisa

Oh, my God, that's really profound.

I have five face holes!

Lisa

While the children are bouncing around why we don't do a little bouncing too.

Bart

That it's even more romantic than what you said at quarter backs.

Marge

Oh, I think you'd better stay home from school, sweetie.

Lisa

I'm not at school?

Marge

No, honey. And you should stay home.

Lisa

Yes, Miss Hover.

Nice party, Lisa. Didn't realize the theme was being a loser.

Lisa

My party is not full of losers.

I can burp magic!

Miss Hoover

Mm.

Lisa

In other words, you're an uninspiring hack.

Miss Hoover

Apologize immediately.

Lisa

No. I told the truth.

Miss Hoover

The truth has no place in this classroom. Lisa, go to detention. [echoing]: Detention. Detention. Detention.

Bart

Okay, there's nowhere else to sleep. I have no choice. [ends up entering Lisa's bedroom with Maggie, Lisa, and the dolls] Ay, caramba! Okay, ladies, let's get this over with. [as he sees so many dolls on the floor, he becomes very frightened. Then he leaps on her bed] No more girly stuff, lights out.

Lisa

As you wish, Prince pajama foot.

Skinner

Assembly item number two: Don't take drugs!

Lisa

I don't!

Skinner

Our most successful assembly ever.