Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

On the closing day, the escrow agents pay

Bart

They back your baaaaaank!

Homer

You're all nuts.

Lionel Hutz

Marge, I had a lot of calls about you. Customers love your no-pressure approach.

Marge

Well, like we say, the right house for the right person.

Lionel Hutz

Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Marge. "The right house" is the house that's for sale; the "right person" is anyone.

Marge

But all I did was tell the truth.

Lionel Hutz

Of course you did. But there's "the truth" [frowns and shakes head] and "the truth." [smiles wide and nods] Let me show you.

Marge

It's awfully small.

Lionel Hutz

I'd say it's awfully "cozy."

Marge

That's dilapidated.

Lionel Hutz

Rustic.

Marge

That house is on fire!

Lionel Hutz

"Motivated seller".

Marge

Thank you, Bart, thank you, Lisa, for all your help!

Homer

What about me? You didn't thank me.

Bart

You didn't do anything.

Homer

I like being thanked.

Lionel Hutz

[furious] A smashed hot-rod, a wrecked police cruiser, a destroyed house?! I've had it with your renegade ways, Simpson! You're a loose cannon!

Marge

But I--

Lionel Hutz

And what really fries me is you returned his check!

Marge

"You'll all get yours in hell, you lying thieving..." [hesitates]: "blanking blankers. Sincerely, Moe."

Homer

Oh, great, now we have to send him a card.

Marge

I know you're used to getting hate mail, but I'm not.

Lisa

This year's tree is just perfect. That aluminum one was so fake.

Marge

I couldn't agree more. From now on it's plastic all the way.

Hey, look what I got, Bart! A Tickle Me Krusty!

Hey, kid, get your finger out of there.

[laughing, Homer throws a snowball at his face] Ow!

Marge

[offscreen] Homer!

Kent

So when you realized Christmas was ruined, how did you feel?

Marge

[annoyed] How'd you think I felt?

Kent

Absolutely devastated? [turns to camera] "Absolutely devastated," the words of a heartbroken mother.

Marge

We got the popcorn. Did you get Waiting to Exhale?

Homer

Well, they put us on a 'Waiting to Exhale' waiting list, but they said don't hold your breath.

Homer

Singing is the lowest form of communication.

Marge

Homer, you sing all the time.

Homer

No I don't, I hate to rhyme.

Lisa

You like musicals, don't you Dad?

Homer

No, I don't, I think they're bad

Bart

Wake up Dad, you're singing a song

Homer

I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff

Marge

Now Homer, listen, I've had enough

Bart

But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?

Marge

You're just going to our backyard, no one will see you.

[off-camera, as Bart opens door] HA-

Marge

[pointing towards door after Bart closes it] Mmmm!

[still off-camera] -HA!

Homer

The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first to show him how.

Marge

[angry] I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard!

Homer

Sorry, Your Majesty.

Marge

We can't just give up on our house. There's got to be a way to get these guys out of there.

Bart

I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.

Marge

We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!

Lisa

Well... if we did set fire to the house-

Marge

No fires!

Homer

I've got it!

Marge

No fires!

Homer

Aw!

Marge

There must be a way to outsmart them.

Homer

Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folks in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games- That's it! Fire!

Marge

I've never heard of these Movementarians. Are they some kind of church?

Homer

Who cares what it is? The point is that these are some decent generous people that I can take advantage of.

Marge

But what if they try to talk us into something?

Homer

Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time-share vacation condo?

Marge

You bought four of them! Thank God the check bounced.

Homer

So I beat the system.

Lisa

Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.

Homer

Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

Lisa

It's wonderful to think for ourselves again.

Bart

You said it, sister.

You are watching Fox.

We are watching Fox.