Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Dad, where's my bike?

Homer

How would I know? I don't know. You probably lost it.

Bart

Dad!

Homer

I tipped it! I gave it to my barber because he cleaned up my eyebrows. [Crying hugs Bart] I'm so sorry, Bart! I'm so sorry.

Kirk Van Houten

I'm gonna miss this place.

Bart

[as the Van Houtens leave] Why do people keep doing that?

Chief Wiggum

Simpson, we are finally sending you to juvie and throwing away the keys, is what I would say if I wasn't about to start a whole new chapter in my life. [Bart groans] I'm joining the Chicago P.D. I'm gonna lead the ADU.

Lou

The All-Decapitations Unit?

Chief Wiggum

Yeah, there won't be a lot of laughs. I think it’s a drama. One thing's for sure though, I'm going to miss this pla-

Bart

ENOUGH WITH THE STUPID LIGHT SWITCH!!

Marge

Come on, sweetie. It's time for you to go home.

Homer

Son, I can see you're experiencing some pretty big feelings right now. Let's try and center them. Now blow out your candles.

Bart

[scoffs] You blow 'em out, dumbass.

Homer

I know, I know. It's a lot to process suddenly having a great father.

Bart

Dude, you're not capable of change!

Homer

[through teeth] I hear you and I validate your feelings.

Bart

[sternly] You're not a great father, you are Homer Simpson. A drunk, neglectful sack of crap, and that's why everyone laughs at you!

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why you little... [angrily strangles Bart, smashes onto his cake, then resets]

Marge

[switches the light on] Bart, look what you did to your cake.

Homer

Mmm, floor cake. [takes a bite of Bart's cake]

Bart

Ten. I stopped it. I'm still ten.

Marge

[to Bart] When are you going to grow up?

Bart

Never.

Luann

Now, you must be ready for a nap.

Bart

No, I have to save... [yawns] ...the lady.

Luann

Nighty nighty. [closes and locks the door]

Homer

A million dollars!

Bart

I don't want stew. I want mac and cheese.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Eat your million-dollar stew. [grabs Bart's head and forces him to eat his bowl of stew]

Marge

I can't remember the last movie we saw in theaters. And on opening night!

Homer

Movies are back, baby!

Bart

Just think of all the chumps out there waiting three days until this movie's free on streaming.

Bart

The phone banning guy can't get off his phone. Ironic!

Rayshelle Peyton

Hey that is irony. Very accurate heckleing Bart.

Bart

Thank you. I love you.

Rayshelle Peyton

What?

Bart

Nothing.

Lisa

Mom, maybe you could tell a story about us when we were younger.

Marge

Um, we've done that a few times. Not sure what stories are left. Maggie's first tooth, Grampa's last tooth, the time Homer thought he invented stuffed crust pizza.

Homer

I did invent it. [picks up a paper of Crust Insert Stuff with Pizza on it] I'm the Thomas Edison of stuffing things with cheese.

Bart

Including yourself.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why you little. [strangles Bart]

Bart

Your primitive strangling is no match for fireplace tongs. [strangles Homer with a fireplace tongs, then Homer tickles him, Homer turns his face normal, then he and Homer lays on the floor]

Homer

We just made some memories, boy.

Bart

I caught a frog, I caught a frog. Ooh. Where did he go?

Marge

[offscreen] What's going on in there?

Homer

Boy, quit scaring your sister.

Another perfect checkup, Lisa. Next.

Bart

Hang tight, Dr K. I just got to freshen up. [he goes to the bathroom, puts his bag on the sink, opens his bag and grabs his packet of triple cookies, swallows an entire box of triple cookies]

All right. Let's see what we're working with here... [screaming]

Homer

Four-hour teeth cleaning... [Bart cackles] Emergency whitening. Oreo exposure therapy for the hygienist. [stops pacing, then angrily yells at Bart] Do you have any idea how much your stunt cost?

Bart

Can you really put a price on that kind of comedy?

Homer

What I can do is find a punishment that fits the crime. Now you have an appointment with Dr. Homer. [picks up a power drill]

Bart

I'm driving to school today. How am I gonna learn not to kill people if you don't let me practice?

Marge

Maggie, Maggie, rest your voice. You're still getting over that laryngitis.

Maggie

Please, don't let Bart drive. It's too scary. He drives so wiggly and everybody honks at us and yells bad words and shows us fingers.