Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Wake up, Flanders. There is no Hell and there is no God. If they're were, would he let him do this? [grabs a lighter to burn the Bible]

God

[breaks the ceiling] Why, you little...! [strangles Homer; he dies]

Homer

I won't say, but his initials are S.F.

Stupid Flanders!

Homer

You're my personal savior.

Ned

Thank you, but I don't approve...

Homer

Hail Flanders, mightier than Jesus.

Marge

What if we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?

Homer

That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.

Marge

How come they never call me fun mom?

Homer

A family's like a team. On every team, you have the slam dunking mega star and the referee.

Homer

It's not against the law to sleep in a Tyrannosaurus head!

Sir, you're inside an Allosaurus.

Homer

I demand to speak to my paleontologist!

Bart

The point of the dinosaurs is: no matter what we do, an asteroid is going to wipe us out. So we should party hard and wreck the place!

Homer

Yeah, why should the asteroid have all the fun?!

Homer

Can you be my dad?

Robert

If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am.

Robert

There ain't enough bourbon in Kentucky for you, big guy.

Homer

Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect.

Robert

Before you say yes, Simpson I fell it's my duty to warn you, account men lose their soul.

Homer

Woohoo! No more church!

Homer

[about the children's movie I watched] If you got that, then-- [notices his son is watching a porn movie]

Are you sure you're Martin Scorsese? [A hand (used by Homer) blocks the laptop and puts the CD back in the case.]

Homer

Enjoy the outdoors, you stupid kid!

Bart

Can we just send out a picture of the pets as reindeers?

Marge

We tried that last year.

Homer

D'oh!

Homer

Oh, Marge. How would you like some future sex?

Marge

Why do you say future? This is now.

Homer

I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

Hey, grampa, are you gonna build a snowman?

Homer

No, I just like to dress up to eat my carrots and smoke.

Lisa

My daughter thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant, like Hitler or Prince Harry.

Homer

[chuckles] Bloody Harry. He brought back beheading in a big way.