Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Hit the road, "Welcome home"!

Homer

Adiós, "Casa de Flanders"!

Bart

See you in Hell, "God bless this house"!

Homer

So long, "The Simpsons"! ...D'oh!

Bart

Are you sure this is art and not vandalism?

Homer

That's for the courts to decide, son.

Marge

Well, Homer, I have to admit, you created something people really love. You truly are an artist.

Homer

No, I'm just a nut who couldn't build a barbecue.

At auction, I'd expect this to sell for $20-30,000. Except that on the handle, somebody's carved "Homer Rocks!"

Homer

And I do! WOO!!

Appraised value: $15.

I'm gonna kill him! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!! [picks up Skinner's antique gun, which disintegrates]

Mr. Burns

Simpson! I want to be loved.

Homer

Well, I'll need some beer.

Homer

You're not going to ask me to pose nude, are you?

Well, yes, unless you have issues about revealing your body.

Homer

I don't, but the block association seems to. They wanted a "traditional" Santa.

Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.

Homer

Wow. I can't believe someone I never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.

All right, it's closing time. Who's payin' the tab?

Homer

[imitating Hawking's voice] I am.

I didn't say that.

Homer

[still imitating Hawking] Yes, I did. [Hawking hits Homer in the face with the boxing glove from his wheelchair] D'oh.

Groundskeeper Willie

Let's see what's been captured in the Up-Kilt camera. Ugh, this lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. Agh, that's Willie!

Bart

My name is Mary. I'm 45, heavy, and willing to settle for less.

Wow. This Mary's got the whole package.

Lisa

Wow, Dad, You're surfin' like a pro.

Homer

Oh, yeah, I'm betting on jai alai in the Cayman Islands. I invested in something called News Corp--

Lisa

Dad! That's Fox!

Homer

Undo! Undo!

Lisa

Dad, do we have any money left?

Homer

Well, let's check the old bank account. See? Even after my cyber squandering, we've still got $1,200.

All right, dorks, this is a holdup. Oh, yes! Download to papa. Yoink dot adiós, back-slash losers.

Marge

Hawaii here we come!

Bart

Come on Transylvania

Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure and has 4 available mega-saver seats.

Yeah!

Marge

Come on, Homer, Japan.

Homer

No, not Japan, Jamaica. I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.

Lisa

Never mind. Looks like the Flanders are gonna get those seats anyway.

Homer

Oh, so Flanders he can steal our vacation, huh? Come on! Sayonara, suckers.

Lisa

Yay! The Simpsons are going to Japan. [a gong sounds. Zoom out to reveal that the Simpsons' airport cart crashed into a gong]

Hey, watch the gong, jerk.

Marge

C'mon Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.

Homer

That's not how I remember it. Besides if we wanted to see Japanese people, we could've gone to the zoo.

Marge

[offended by Homer's allegedly racist comment] Homer!

Homer

What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He was in my book club.

Marge

I never knew Jim Belushi made so many movies.

Homer

Yeah, isn't it amazing? They're filming one right now in the bathroom. Gonna be on towards the end of the flight.

Toga! Toga! Toga! 2000!

Homer

Marge, they stole my idea.

Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.

Homer

[gasps] They're years ahead of us!

Bart

[as he turns on the TV in the next room] Mom, Lise, check it out, Dad's on TV.

Homer

[unzips his pants and sits on the toilet] Oh, yeah! [Marge and the kids are heard screaming in the next room]

Homer

I can't believe they stuck us at Taxachusetts! Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket.

Bart

And?

Homer

Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.

Bart

Hey, look, isn't that Woody Allen?

Homer

Hmm. Looks like he's doing a commercial.

Oh! Ahem, hello. So many rice crackers claim to be low-cal, but only Fujikawa Rice Crackers make your interiors go bananas. What did I do to deserve this? Oh, right.

Homer

Mmm, $59 pretzel. Hey, what's Baby Huey doin'?

Bart

Says here they throw salt before they wrestle to purify the ring.

Homer

Hmm. Spare some salt, tubby?

Tubby? [Subtitled in English from Japanese]: The name "Tubby" is hurtful, as my weight problem is glandular. Are you going to eat that? Yoink.