Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Every Simpson starts with a circle. Daddy has one big circle here...[belly]...then a smaller one up here...[chest]...two big, sexy circles for eyes, one macho muzzle...then a snappy new outfit. Ooh, I'm looking good. [draws pants] Ooh, cuffs, yeah. And for some reason, my hair and ear form an "M" and a "G". [completes sketch]

Homer

What happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night. Then came the heart attacks.

Homer

[to Marge] Oh Honey, her life can't compare to yours. You got three kids, a TV tray from Expo '67, and you're married to King Stink.

Homer

Maybe the Internet can help me out. It sure gave some good advice on wang enhancement. Okay, www.nuclearsecrets.com. "Are you a terrorist?" No. "Would you like to meet someone new, but are tired of the bar scene?" No! I will never tire of the bar scene!

Homer

The Internet wasn't created for mockery. It was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was.

Homer

I'm the worst thing to happen to sports since Fox.

Homer

[visiting the corpse of Mao Zedong] Aww... Look at him sleeping... He's like a little angel, that killed 50 million people. [to Mao] Yes you are! Yes you are!

Homer

[after learning that he failed the guard test] But he misread my pee!! He misread my pee!!!

Homer

Listen to me, this whole building is unsafe! They cut corners everywhere. People, it's a death trap!

Homer

[To God] You have just made a powerful enemy!

Homer

The Book of Revelations has 404 verses. And the number of people at the Last Supper minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible, and you get?

Homer

What are you kids laughing at? And if you say Jimmy Fallon, I'll know you're lying! [notices something] Scantily clad co-eds? Why, you little...! [strangles Bart down his throat]

Homer

[to Bart after getting expelled from Springfield Elementary School] Boy, I can't believe you got expelled. Well, don't expect to spend all week lying around on the couch like a bum, 'cause that's my thing!

Homer

Face it, Bart, Catholics rule! We've got Boston, South America, the good part of Ireland, and we're making serious in-roads in Mozambique, baby!

Homer

Lisa, when you've sustained as many blows to the head as I have, consistency becomes a.. something... something.. I love you Bart!