Lynn quotes from The Loud House

[on footage; disgruntled] Ugh. Just a rehash of her ribbon dance of the Little Miss Miss Thing Pageant. Excuse me while I yawn.

Lynn Sr.

[on footage] Oh, boy. Where's the ding-dang-darn erase button?!

Okay, so maybe Lola has a critic, too. How's that supposed to help me?

I thought you might say that. What if I could show that it's not just Lola, it's everyone in our family.

Fine. If it'll keep the emus out of my head, I'll give you a chance. But, if you're wrong, I get to give you 100 noogies.

[nervously] Is there any room for negotiation? [Lynn snorts while punching her fist] Okay, and we're moving on.

Ugh! This group sounds worse than my grandma's piccolo band. And you call that foam?

Rita

[impressed] Wow, that's your sixth plate tonight, honey. You must be feeling better.

Oh, yeah. Thanks to this guy. [points to her brother, with everyone looking at him] He helped me see that I shouldn't make such a big deal about having a critic. Everyone has 'em, especially you guys.

I think you mean everybody but me. [chuckles]

Well, no. You have that one judge who says your ribbon routine is weaksauce. Oh, wait, no, no, wait, no, no. Lame. No, no, wait. What was the word she used, Lincoln?

Uninspired.

Bingo. There it is. [Lola whimpers and sulks in disappointment] Relax. It's not just you. Lincoln pointed out that you all have a hater. Tell 'em.

Sure. Well, Luna, the Burnt Bean manager thinks her grandma's piccolo band is better than the Moon Goats. [Luna sulks in dismay; to Luan] Luan, one user thinks you're about as funny as a stubbed toe. [Luan sulks in sorrow; to his father] Dad, Mr. Grouse thinks you should stick to lasagnas. [to his mother] Mom, one reader said your advice ruined her life. [to Lisa] And Lisa, some scientists are really over Todd.

Knowing you guys all have critics sure made me feel better. Linky, can you pass the salt?

You betcha.

[mumbling] Over Todd.

[snorts] Uninspired.

Luna

[gnawing on her bed sheets] Piccolos…

Rita

[bolting out of bed] I ruined her life!

Lynn Sr.

Stick to lasagna… [attempts to leave, but falls off the bed]

Luna

Why did you have to tell us about our haters, dude?

Now we're all freezing up!

Look, I'm sorry I told you guys about your critics. I was just trying to help Lynn.

[punches a hole in the front door; irately] Stinkoln! [opens the door and enters the house, grumbling]

[nervously] I hope that's a happy "Stinkoln."

Your dumb "cure" didn't cure me! Scoots heckled me some more and now I've got emu legs again! Wasn't even at a game, it was at the mall food court!

Lynn, why are you paying attention to Scoots? [to his family] Why are any of you paying attention to those people? It doesn't matter what they say.

It's easy for you to say! You don't have to deal with it!

You just go around ruining lives!

Lynn Sr.

What a life-ruiner.

[surprised] Dude, that Chandler's a real jerk.

Yeah, he is. But he doesn't bother me, and that's the whole point. I mean, at first he really got to me, but the more I ignored him, the easier it got. Plus, why should I care what he has to say? I'm doing what I love. And that's all that matters.

Rita

And if you can handle Chandler, I think we can handle our critics. Right, everyone?

Luna

Totally.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, I guess so.

Lynn Sr.

What the heck is going on in here?

We really messed up.

Yeah, after you guys left, we busted up the living room.

Leni

Then we tried to clean up but lost the furniture and ended up running all over town to get it back.

Hence our overactive eccrine glands, street name…

Lynn Sr.

Sweatiness, we know. Look, I'm not jazzed about the cover-up, but at least you guys tried to make things right.

Rita

And this is a big family, mishaps come with the territory. It's the law of the Loud house.

Preach, Mother, preach.

Luna

Still, we're so sorry about the couch, dudes.

Rita

Maybe you should come see what's outside.

If Mom and Dad find out we broke the vase again, we'll definitely be grounded for the whole year.

Luna

Can't we just get rid of it?

[imitates buzzer] They'd noticed. In case you haven't heard, it was a wedding gift.

That vase has been nothing but a pox on this house.

Ugh! I wish Mom and Dad never got this heinous thing in the first place!

[to Lisa] Are you thinking what I am thinking?

To the lab!

Siblings, I figured out a way to save our collective gluteus maximi. A while back, I unlocked the secret of time travel. I swore to never use it again, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My plan is simple: I'll travel back to the day of Mom and Dad's wedding. There, I'll prevent our parental units from ever receiving the vase. In layman's terms, no vase, no grounding. Any questions?

[raises her hand] Yeah… I've got one, brain box. Won't removing the vase affect the fabric of the space-time continuum?

Actually, that is a highly perceptive question.

[nudges Lola] Eh?

And I am stunned, quite frankly, it came out of your mouth. [Lola nudges Lynn in return while giggling] But don't worry, I have done the requisite calculations. I found that swapping the vase with another gift -- in this case, a mundane, gently used toaster -- would have the least impact on the space-time continuum.

Aw, yeah, baby! Another time to carb load before the big game!

[throws the French toast away and grabs Lynn by the collar; threateningly] You're either with me or against me, Lynn!

Alright! Breakfast on the floor! You gals finally listened to me!

Rita

It's amazing that Jesse got us VIP tour passes to the White House! Are you kids excited back there?

I know I am! I read that the White House has its own bowling-alley.

I hear there's a whole room devoted to ice cream sundaes.

I can't wait to see the dresses worn by all the First Ladies.

Lynn Sr.

I'm excited to take a real peek at that kitchen. I bet they have wooden spatulas dating back to the 1800s. Oh, I can just imagine all the splinters I'm gonna get!

And that concludes our own tour. I'm surprised. I expected you to be trouble, but you were all well-behaved. Eh, too bad for me. I didn't get to let the dog out. [snarls at the Louds again in bulldog mode] Alright, please make your way to the White House exit. [leaves]

That is one strange little man.

Rita

Kids, I'm sorry you didn't get the tour you hoped for, but I'm proud of you for being very good. Now, who wants to hit the hotel pool?

Wait! We can't leave. There's one little problem. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Bowling Room, she accidentally tosses a bowling ball so hard, it breaks the wooden floor of a bowling lane and gasps in horror]

Actually, two little problems. [Flashback to her in the sundae room, she accidentally breaks off the handle of the ice cream dispenser, causing the ice cream to overflow]

Make that three little problems? [chuckles sheepishly; Flashback to her in the First Ladies' Boutique, she struts all over the floor, then trips, accidentally ripping the dress's bottom half off and gasps in horror]

Rita

[shocked and angry at all] Seriously?! I can't believe three of you!

Luna

Uh, make that four. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Music Room, she tries to rock out with a golden guitar and accidentally snaps off one of the strings]

Five. [Flashback to him in the President's office, he spins around in the president's swivel chair, accidentally spinning out of another whole control and hits a bust of Abraham Lincoln, trying to cause it to fall onto the ground and break into pieces, and gulps in horror]

Rita

Kids, how could you?! Your own favorite father and I are very disappointed, aren't we, honey?

Lynn Sr.

Uh… [sheepishly chuckles] Well, um… [Flashback to him in the kitchen, humming a tune as he plays with a spatula, then accidentally flings it into the president's birthday cake, which collapses]

Rita

[sharped] Lynn!

Lynn Sr.

You'll just enjoy plenty of times to yell at me later, Rita, before the Bulldog tries to track us down and sends us to the dungeon forever!

He's not gonna do that cuz he doesn't wanna let us sneak back in and fix everything before he notices.

Quick! In here!

Lynn Sr.

[seeing what the building looks like as the family have been here before] Why does this place look familiar?

Lori

Uh, 'cause this is literally the Casagrandes building!

[groans annoyingly and pushes Lincoln] Great move, Stinkoln! Worth a rebellion to beeft!

[after Andre trips and falls from the bleachers] You okay, Andre?

No worries. The buns broke my fall. Anyhow, great game! I've been watching you play all season, and I can tell you have star power. Which is why, on behalf of the Burpin' Burger, I like to offer you a sponsorship! If you promote our fine establishment and wear our logo, you'll be a BB VIP! [Lynn reacts in confusion] Uh, it means you'll get free burgers.

In that case, count me in!

Stop by the restaurant later to get a taste of the VIP treatment.

[approaches him, covered in mustard] I believe this gherkin is yours, and this mustard.

Ha, ha! Enough for everyone!

Yeah!

Sponsorship rules!

[pressing up against her chest] I have heartburn… in the best way!

[to Lynn] You're very lucky. I wish I could eat here for free anytime I wanted to.

Maybe you can eat here for free. I mean, you're all star players, too.

Here's your free VIP cookie dough milkshake, with extra chocolate and caramel sauce. [adds the sauce to Lynn's milkshake]

[licks her milkshake and suddenly burps out fire] That's spicy mustard.

I really must label these.

[scrubbing herself with a loofah, still purple] Okay, folks, circle up. For anyone keeping count, this is my ninth loofah and I'm still purple, which is unfortunate because this game is televised and my mom's in the stands.

Whoo-hoo-hoo! That purple gal's my daughter! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

So, do me a favor and save me any further embarrassment by playing your hearts out and winning this championship!

[approaches Lynn, for the first time not wearing the burger costume, but rather carrying it] Lynn! Good luck out there. I brought you the Burpin' Burger suit to wear during the big game. [plops the burger costume on her]

Seriously?! But I'm already wearing the logo.

The logo's fine for regular games, but this is the championship game, which starts tp mean more eyes are on you, which starts to mean it's a huge PR opportunity for the Burpin' Burger. So if you wanna keep those perks, you'll just wear the buns. It's in your contract.

Okay, team, huddle up. This isn't working. I love the sponsorship perks, but they're not worth this humiliation! [takes a gherkin off her head]

[agreeing] Here, here.

[showing up with the other sponsors] Hey, Kangaroos. We got some more merch for you to wear on the second half.

Sorry, but we're out.

We were obsessed by all the free stuff, but we're ready to get back to what's really important.

Playing like champions!

[wearing a wrestling outfit with spikes everywhere; weakly] Too spiky. [now wearing a fairy costume] Not gonna happen. [now dressed as a clown] No way. [now wearing Lincoln's own clothes] Who wears this here? [gets back in her own usual clothes] Look, folks, this isn't working. None of those feel, I don't know, authentic.

Leni

Hmm. Maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Like, my fave wrestler, Pixie Cuts, used to be an actual hairstylist. Her favorite character feels supes authentic.

Yeah. What's Lynn Loud really passionate about?

[as Meryl approaches her; weakly] Little help here, Meryl?

[disgusted] For the Brawl Monitor? No way! [shoots more spitballs at her and leaves]

Wow. Even Meryl hates me?