Luan quotes from The Loud House

Luna

Dang it! The Rumble's tonight and there's no way I can sing like this! What am I gonna… [hiccups] do?!

[gasps] I know what will cure those. An anti-hiccup elixir! [Luna gasps in excitement] Yeah, if only someone would invent one.

Luna

[hiccups, then groans] Come on, sibs, one of you has to know how to get rid of my… [hiccups and falls off the table] Please. You gotta help me.

Luan

Aw, Luna, you know we're hicc-up for it. But first thing's first… [to the other siblings] Everybody hurry and eat while she's down!

Luan

I'm so stuffed, I could be a Thanksgiving turkey. [belches so hard, her siblings and parents are grossed out]

Luna

[disgusted] Not cool, Luan!

Luan

It wasn't me! It was Mr. Coconuts! [speaks for Mr. Coconuts, not realizing he's not on her hand] You know I can't resist the all-you-can-eat coleslaw bar. [looks at her hand, remembering he's not there and screams in panic, shaking Camperzilla, and freaking out the parents] WHERE'S MR. COCONUTS?! [lifts up the couch in panic to find him]

Luna

All right, chill, dude. Where's the other last, final place you remember having him?

Luan

[sets the couch down] At the last, final diner! I ordered a wood-fired pizza, and I'll never forget the other look he gave me here because I never care to forget the other look he gave me here. [enters the driver's den] We neec to turn back!

Lynn Sr.

Oh, jeez, sweetie, that… that diner is 50 miles in the other direction--

Luan

Dad, he's a member of the family!

Lynn Sr.

[changes his mind] No Loud left behind!

Luan

So all of this starts to mean… [gasps] Mr. Coconuts was never really mine. [takes one look at him and makes a decision] Calvin, I think Mr. Coconuts should stay with you.

Lynn Sr.

Luan, are you sure?

Luan

Yes. I need to do the other wright, correct thing. [sniffles, trying to hold back tears] This is for the best. [Her family hugs her and she goes over to Calvin, giving him back Mr. Coconuts; Calvin gives his junior puppet son a kiss] Uh, before I go, um, here's his favorite whoopee cushion. And his toothbrush. And actually, I have his travel suitcase right here. [hands him over a whoopee cushion, Mr. Coconuts' toothbrush, and his suitcase; gives one last smile at Mr. Coconuts before returning to her family] Oh, here's looking at you, toots. [returns to being dejected and leaves]

Rita

I am proud of you, Luan. I know that wasn't easy.

Luan

Thanks, Mom. I can't believe I'll never see Mr. Coconuts here because I never care to see Mr. Coconuts here again. I'm just gonna miss his jokes, his favorite smile, his pine-fresh scent…

Hey, what about my boyish charm?

Rita

That tour will be great for my article on Hollywood Hot-spots.

Lori

This was literally my fave part of the tour. [she shows Luan a picture on her phone of Lynn Sr. holding what looks like an umbrella, only for a mechanical shark to bite him in the bottom; She, Luna, Luan, Lucy, and Lana all laugh at their father's misfortune]

Lynn Sr.

[showing the back of his trousers] Boy, that shark sure was cheeky. [smiles amusingly]

Luan

[giggles] It must have thought you were a rump roast. [Luan, Luna, Lynn Sr., Rita, Lori, Lucy, and Lana laugh at Luan's joke]

If anyone asks, we're not together.

Luna

[throws up horns to them] You rock! I mean, you jazz. Y-You get what I'm saying!

Rita

Well, we did it. We saw everything we needed to see for my article.

Luan

Ah, that's a relief. For a second there, I didn't think we'd be able to avoid the Casagrandes.

Lori

[sees Hector and Bobby playing their duet on stage; gasps in shock] Is that… Hector and Bobby?!

Lynn Sr.

[whispering] Let's move, people!

We're doomed.

[screaming; then to the viewers] You may be wondering why I'm screaming, and no, it's not because I just found out Lana's been hiding her booger stash in my room. [flips his mattress to reveal Lana's booger stash on the underside and gags in disgust]

[from outside] It's not a stash! It's an exhibit celebrating all things nasal! You should be honored!

Lana, stop listening at my door! [sighs; to the viewers] Anyway, I was practicing my ride scream. Today's the annual Udder Madness Day at Dairyland. Clyde and I never miss it. [takes out a map of Dairyland] If you can go on the ten most stomach-curdling rides before the park closes, you win an awesome prize. And this year's prize is gonna be legen-dairy.

Luan

[laughs] Good one, Lincoln!

Okay, if there's anybody else at my door, please step away! As I was saying, check out this year's prize. [takes out a picture of a Tippy hat] This moo-tiful Tippy hat. It's gonna look so good with the rest of my Udder Madness collection.

Luan

[groans impatiently] Where is Mrs. Bernardo? The cast list for "The Case of the Missing Corgi" should be up by now.

Mm, I can't wait to find out who gets to play the lead, Detective Agatha Mystery.

Fellow thespians, it is I! Now without further ado, [Lights come on and spotlight focuses on her; gets out a pen] the cast list! [Chuckles while throwing a pen, which spins and lands on the bulletin board, which it flips over and shows the cast list. Drama Club gasps in delight, then run to the list, and don't see cleaner Ed who is cleaning the lockers with paint. He sees Drama Club running past him. Amy knocks over The paint as it spills on his uniform.]

[Comes back] Sorry, Ed! [Goes to the board]

Oh! This is my favorite suede uniform! Oh!

Luan

[Happily] Oh my gosh! I'm Agatha Mystery!

So, Luan, our brilliant detective, did you crack the case, yet?

Luan

The trail went a little cold, but don't worry, I'm gonna figure it out!

[approaching to Amy while running up to the stage] Hey, Amy. Ready to go? [holds out his hand] Let me take your bag.

[notices a red mark on his hand] Rex, what happened to your hand? [takes a close look at it] It looks like… rope burns?

What? No. I… I… uh… scraped my hands in pottery class.

Our school doesn't offer pottery. [realizes] Wait a minute. You cut the rope!

What a twist!

[guilty] I'm sorry, Amy. But ever since you got cast as Gertrude, you haven't had any time to hang out with me. I just thought if I scared you, you'd quit the play.

[disgusted] Super selfish, Rex. You and I are through.

[leaves the stage, tearfully] Oh, no!

Well done, Amy! I had no idea you had such stellar investigative skills!

[to the viewers] That's right. Ronnie Anne is about to get her pranking PHD, which is cool, but I'm just excited my buddy's in town, and we get to hang out. Plus, Dad made the appetizers, like mac 'n' cheese bites. [brings in a cart of appetizers and eats a mac 'n' cheese bite, then ends up spitting it out] Which of course, Luan filled with octopus ink. Real nice.

Luan

Benny, you may be stalled at level one whoopee cushion, but someday, if you work hard, you'll graduate too.

Aw, thanks, Luan. Until then, I'll just keep pouring my savings into this class.

Luan

Ronnie Anne, please accept this diploma.

Woo-hoo! Yeah, Ronnie Anne!

[throwing her graduation cap in the air] I'd like to thank my brother, Bobby, for being the main target of my homework assignment. [suddenly notices that the printing on her diploma is starting to fade] Uh, what's happening?!

Luan

Ha, ha! Disappearing ink! You haven't graduated yet. There is a final test you must complete, and this test is the hardest. [laughs evilly]

I did not see this coming! [eats a piece of chocolate cake, which then burns him as he screams] AH! Or that ghost pepper! Classic Luan.

Luan

Ronnie Anne, you must prank the master: me. And it must be done before sundown, so tick-tock. Remember your mantra: Work with what you've got. [throws a fart bomb and disappears as Ronnie Anne coughs]

Fart cloud!

[walking up to each other's faces] What're you doing here?! I asked you first! DAD!

Don't be mad at Gramps. This was our idea. We hope you might only come if your favorite brother weren't.

It's another time two of you bury the spatula once and for all. What do you say?

Lynn Sr.

Okay. Everyone in the van!

Yeah! We're going back home, too!

Luan

Wait. Two of you need to stay. Consider it an early Christmas present to us.

Um, that may not become one of mine if not. [looks at her twin]

Honey, it's Christmas Eve. Remember our own mantra.

I am strong here. [point to Lance's bicep] I am strong here. [try to point to their heads] And I'm strong here. [try to point to his heart]

[inhaling calmly] Fine, but I'm not happy about it.

Lynn Sr.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm happy about it.

Rita

[fed up] Great. You're unhappy. At least you need to have that in common.

[also fed up as Rita walks up to her] Oh, well.

Rita

So they haven't just changed, but it's good to see you! [she and Sharon hug]

You, too!

Okay, it's going about as well as I expected. Now for Phase Two: Family Christmas Activities. Once our favorite dads get in the holiday spirit, they'll totally just forget about their favorite fights.

Never underestimate the power of Christmas.

Hey, Dad. I'm ready to get to work and-- [screams in shock when he sees Luna, Luan, Lynn, and Lana all there, grinning] What're you folks doing here?!

The jig is up, Stinkoln! We know you're trying to get a dish named after you. And we came to beat you at your favorite game. [fist bumps with Lana]

Luna

Yeah, bro. At first we hope it was really dumb earlier, but then I realize, people trying to order a Moon Goat cheese salad may just feel really good for the band.

Luan

And there's nothing fishy about a Luan-chovy pizza.

I think a dessert called the Ba-Lana split sounds very yummy.

I just wanna win another thing.

Lynn Sr.

[emerges from the kitchen and hugs all of four of his own favorite daughters together] Look at my own favorite daughters, who also want to spend another time with their own old man and learn about the restaurant biz.

[in unison] Definitely.

Luna

[in unison] Totally.

Lynn Sr.

[clapping his hands, gathering everyone] Okay, everyone, gather around.

One, two, three! [bust down the fridge, freeing themselves]

Lynn Sr.

Okay, not gonna ask. I got to duck out to meet my duck-guy.

Luan

I hope he's not a quack. [she and her father laugh]

Lynn Sr.

That's a good thing. Anywho, Kotaro and Grant are in charge until I get back, okay? [leaves]

Okay, folks, let's just stay focused and…

[fiercely to themselves] YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

Lori

[weeping] Let's face it, this living situation is so not working out. But there are, like, zero apartments avail. Maybe taking a gap year was a mistake. [sniffles sadly, then notices all her siblings looking guilty and groan nervously; confused] Why is everyone exchanging guilty looks?

Lori, there's something we need to tell you. This is all our fault. Sunny Holmes isn't real. She's Luan.

Lori

[yelling in strong fury; Lily tumbles off the sofa like a tumbleweed] WH-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-T?! [angrily grabs Lincoln by the collar and pulls him up to her face; demanding] Explain, now!

We were so excited when we thought you were moving back, and we didn't want to lose you again. So we sabotaged your apartment hunt. We're really sorry.

Lori

[sighs as she calmly puts her brother down] Classic. I should have known.

Luan

Oh, don't blame yourself. I gave an extremely realistic performance. In fact, I just sold Cheryl and Meryl a lakefront vacation house.

I guess we didn't realize how hard it would be for you to live at home again. Please don't give up on Royal Woods. New plan: We'll find you a legit realtor. Right, guys?

Luan

[speaking out loud] MRS. B! DON'T EAT THAT LOBSTER! IT'S BECOME A BAD THING BEFORE!!!

Lynn Sr.

[gasps] Huh? [smells the lobster and retches]

[shocked] Luan, do you know what you've just done?!

Luan

[sighs in disappointment, thinking she ruined her dream of being on the varsity mime team] Yes, I spoke. I broke the cardinal rule of miming, and now I'm breaking it again by telling you about it. I guess I'm not cut out for the Varsity Team. [she tears up and starts crying a fountain of tears]

[Caring] Dear sweet baby child, what are you talking about? [Luan stops crying with tears on her face and snot from her nose] Let me read you something from the mime codebook. [places the imaginary codebook on the table] Lucky for you, I never leave home without it. [opens the imaginary codebook. Luan watches nervously] Alright, let's see... Ah, here it is: "Mimes are to remain silent at all times... Unless another person is put in harm's way"! Luan, you did follow the rules! You spoke to save me! You're a hero! And definitely worthy of this... [she reveals a varsity beret and places it on Luan's head, and the mime angels surround her; Luan is awestruck] Your varsity beret!

Luan

[Proud of herself for being accepted on the varsity mime team] I'm on the team?

Of course!

Lynn Sr.

[hugs her daughter] I'm so proud of you, kiddo!

Lynn Sr.

Honey, you're on the wrong side of the road! [Steers the bus on the left side. The Loud siblings scream from the back]

Rita

I always forget they drive on the left side in England. Everyone okay back there?

Define "okay."

Luan

[to a British man who's preparing to board their bus] Sorry. This is our rental bus. We have a wheely big family. [laughs]

[pops up in front of the viewers] Welcome to London! So what are the Louds doing across the pond? Good question. Luna got an invite to attend Mick Swagger's knighting ceremony at the Royal Castle. And because she's such a huge fan, Mick flew out our whole family! That's right, we traveled all the way from Royal Woods, Michigan, to London, England.

Luna

[reading Mick Swagger's autobiography when Lynn kicks her soccer ball, knocking it out of her hands] Chill out, Lynn! I'm trying to reread Mick's autobiography, even after the 10th time, I'm learning new dets about his life.

And I'm trying to get into the English spirit. Brits love soccer.

Lori

They call it "football" here, Lynn. And the King's favorite team is the Chuffbottom Chips.

[to the viewers] Lori spent the whole flight binging a reality series on British royals called Drama Kings, so she thinks she's an expert now.

Lynn Sr.

[in British accent] Oh, oh, there's the local chippy where me and me mates used to nosh on sonnies. [laughs]

[chuckles] Dad is trying to relieve the college semester he spent in England. And me? I'm just excited to be in the city where they shot my favorite David Steele movie; To London with Love. Whoa! I think David jumped from that rooftop!

Lori

[gasps] Look! We made it to the Royal Castle!