Luan quotes from The Loud House

"Hey, Luan."

Luan

"Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"

"I don't get it."

Luan

"Oh! Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup."

Rita

"Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!"

"Okay, Mom! 5 minutes!"

Rita

"Not 5 minutes! Now!"

"I will! Just give me three minutes!"

Lynn Sr.

"Lincoln, listen to your mother!"

[after sadly walking home from school] I sure hope that worked. [opens the door, only to find that his sisters are still furious] It didn't work.

Lori

[sternly] Lincoln...

[remorsefully] I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry, but the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you, that way we'd all be even!

Even? You think this makes us even?

Well, I was trying to...

Yours was way worse!

Lori

[joyfully] Yeah, that video was hysterical!

So, we're good?

We're good...brother.

Luan

Sorry you didn't win the trophy.

Lori

But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved something. [hands him a tiny trophy]

Wow. Thanks, guys. [runs to the case and places the trophy in his spot] "Most Improved Brother." [to the viewers] I did it. My sisters no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case.

Lori

It was my shoe!

In conclusion, in my family, every day is a challenge. But you can be sure that when I need them, my sisters will always be there for me. All of them. And sure, life in the Loud House can be summed up in one word: chaos. But I love that chaos. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Mrs. Johnson

That was a fantastic report, Lincoln. I'm giving you an A. [gets drenched by Luan's pail of water] Make that an A-minus.

Luan

Pailed it!

Maybe not so perfect. [puts it back and finds an individual one] Oh! Paradise for One. Just imagine... [imagines himself in a pool on a small island in the middle of the ocean] Now this is a pool I can really get into. [heads for the exit] Lincoln's little baby loves shortenin', short- [triggers the alarm] Oops. Gotta pay first.

Leni

"Hey, Linc! Wanna chill with us?"

Luan

"CHILL! Good one, Leni!" [giggles]

Leni

"Good what?"

"Thanks, but I don't mind the heat." [The sisters are confused] "But, uh, you guys keep cool in here. Definitely no reason to go outside. I wouldn't even bother looking out there. Am I talking too much? I feel like I'm talking too much." [Leaves]

"He's clearing suffering the first symptoms of heat stroke. Now, pass the frozen succotash."

"Scoot over. You're melting the broccoli."

"Well, stop breathing on the frozen carrots!"

Luan

"Hey, Lynn, can you grab that bag of peas? PEAS and thank you!" [giggles while her siblings groan]

[Breathing heavily] "Whew!"

"Hmm... Unprecedented levels."

Luan

"MARCO!"

Leni

"MARCO!"

Luan

"No, Leni. I'm Marco. You're Polo."

Leni

"Really, who's Leni?"

"Oh no no no no no!" [grabs her and puts her in a diaper.] "No fecal incidents in my pool! I'm watching you, Lily." [sees Lucy floating] "Lucy? I didn't know you liked to swim."

"I'm not swimming. I'm trying to see if I'm a witch. Am I floating?"

"Yes."

"Wicked."

[chases Lily] "Get back here!"

"You know what your soup needs? NOODLES!" [Bonks Lana with a pool noodle]

[Grabs one] "Bring it!"

"STOP SPLASHING ME!!!"

"Guys, no horseplay!"

Luan

"What about elephant play?" [blasts Lincoln with a jet of water while sounding like an elephant, which makes Lana, Lynn, and Lola laugh at Lincoln.]

[flies right into Bobby] "Huh? Bobby? What're you doing here?"

Bobby

"Lori said there was an opening for a lifeguard at Casa Loud." [Blows whistle] "Everyone out! Senior swim!"

"What? There aren't any old people here!"

Lori

"Oh, that's fierce, babe."

"En garde!"

[knocks Lynn in the water] "Have at thee! HA!"

"Just because I'm fabulous doesn't mean I can't have fun!" [slides down and swims] "La-la-la, la-la-la!"

Luan

"Okay, this time, instead of Marco Polo, why don't we just use our REAL names?"

Leni

"Okay! So I'm..." [looks at her brother, surprised] "Lincoln?"

Luan

"Boy, you really don't get this game at all, do ya?" [Notices what Leni meant] "Oh! Hey, Linc!"

[Aware of what's going on] "Hey, guys...what's all this?"

Lori

"Well, little bro, you had such a good idea in buying YOUR pool, we decided to-"

Luan

"-POOL our money to get this one!!!" [Giggles and everyone groans. Luan gets bonked by Lynn's noodle] "That's using your noodle!!" [Giggles some more] "Ow!"

Leni

"Aren't you gonna get in? There's TOTES room for one more!"

"You're gonna let me use your pool?" [The sisters are concerned] "Even though I kicked you out of mine?"

"Well, he was kind of a meanie."

"Not to mention selfish."

Lori

"And bossy."

Bobby

"And he stole my whistle!"

Luan

"But that doesn't mean he can't use our pool."

"More tea, Lady Lillington?" [Lily removes a tiara that Lola placed on her head]

She doesn't wanna have a dumb tea party. She wants to play with Izzy! [Puts Izzy on Lily's head. They then start to pull Lily by her arms, which discomforts her]

No, she doesn't!

Yes, she does!

No, she doesn't!

Yes, she does!

Luna

Dudes, give her back! We were in the middle of a jam sesh!

She was my specimen!

We were talking to Great-Grandma Harriet.

We were playing ball!

Luan

We were getting ready to take our show on the road!

Leni

We were gonna look at my magazines!

Lori

We were watching Dylan's date!

BT-dubs, Lori, Great-Grandma Harriet knows you re-gifted her brooch, and she is not happy about it. [Lori instantly looks regretful]

GIVE US BACK, LILY!

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!

Lori

I'll take that. [grabs Lily and runs]

Oh, no, you don't! [gets Lily back from Lori but crashes into Luan who switched Lily out with Mr. Coconuts]

Luan

Whoops. Sorry, Linc! Sorry, you loser! [laughs but loses Lily to Leni]

Leni

Ha! Na-na-na, na-na-na! [loses Lily to Lisa while she's gloating at Luan] LILY'S INVISIBLE!

[offscreen] Boo. [Lisa screams and she takes Lily from her] Boo.

Dang it...

Look! We all want Lily to be our mini-me, right? Well, there's only one way to settle this. We'll let Lily choose.

Well, I'm so honored to be your 5th choice.

Luan

Come on, Lincoln. Please? I really need your help.

I don't know. I'm not really the performing type. I don't want to make a fool of myself on stage.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Grouse.

We all chipped in and got you something.

It's a bus ticket.

Luan

So you can go see your family for Christmas tomorrow.

Rita

And since you can't be with them tonight... [Rita and Lynn Sr. finally reveal their faces] ...we're bringing our family to you.

Lynn Sr.

How bout it, neighbor?

LOUDS! [in a warmer tone] You've made this the best Christmas ever. Thank you. I'd say you all landed permanent spots on Santa's nice list.

Even me?

Even you. [Lola hugs Mr. Grouse's leg]

Once again... [sobs]

Well, what are you waiting for? Everyone inside!

What's going on? What happened to the fighting?

Lori

Pfft. We're over that. We made up.

All of you?

Correct. Threat level is back to Field of Daisies.

Lynn Sr.

[offscreen] Oh, thank goodness!

I don't understand. How did you fix everything?

No, Lincoln. You fixed everything.

Me? How?

By leaving.

Luan

We told you, if you just butted out, we'd resolve it on our own.

But the dress?

Leni

I came up with the perfect solution: Lori gets to wear it on the days that end in Y, and I get to wear it the rest of the time.

And once they made up, the rest of us made up.

Heh. Well, I guess I've learned my lesson: Always respect the sister fight protocol.

Glad you're finally getting it.

Oh, I totally do, believe me. Next time when Lynn says she needs a windshield wiper when Lisa talks, or Lana says Lola snores like Pop-Pop, I am staying out of it.

You said what now, sporty?!

Oh, I snore, do I? How can you hear me over all your sleep-farting?!

Lynn Sr.

Phew. Can't wait to use the real toilet.

Lynn Sr.

Aah! Retreat! Retreat! [Runs back into his room]

Wait for me! [rushes to join them as the brawl shakes the whole house]

These are for later, Mr. Grouse. First, we need to get you trained so you'll fit into the world of IT.

Ah, you kids and your fancy abbreviations. In my day, we just said "It".

Okay, Mr. Grouse. Here's a laptop. Boot it up.

Will you settle for a penny loafer? [hits the laptop with a shoe]

No, no! Not like that! Like this. [turns it on]

Luan

Okay, now open a window.

Eh...alright. [opens a window in the house]

Luan

[laughs] Good one. But wrong. Like this. [opens a window on the laptop]

Now you need to empty the trash on your computer.

Eh, whatever you say. [empties a wastebasket all over the computer]

Yeah, I walked right into that one.

Luan

And the good news is that is nothing to worry about, we’re not a bad influence on Lily after all.

[putting their arms into the air to celebrate while Lucy is silent and putting her arms in the air] YAY!

[furiously] *BLEEP*!

Lori

It wasn't Cliff's fault, Dad. We threw out your ingredients. He must've got them out of the trash.

Lynn Sr.

What? Wh-why would you do that?

Luan

We didn't know they were yours.

Well, congratulations! Keep reaching for those dreams.

Luan

[Touched] Aww! Thanks! You're so supportive!

[To Clyde] The more success she has, the less time she has to prank us.

Ah. [Sits on a whoopie cushion and it deflates] Yeah she still has time.

Luan

Lucy, what are you doing on the stairs?

Sigh. I submitted my best poem to the Transylvania review. They didn't want it. I must have what it takes to be a poet.

Luan

Your first rejection letter, huh? Well, step into my office. I wanna show you something.

Luan

These are my rejection letters.

[Takes a look] It's like a coffin of your dreams.

Luan

It's just part of creative life, you can't expect to shoot to the top right away. When I was your age, I had to start at the bottom. [Flashback to 8 year old Luan performing at Charles' birthday party for him, Cliff, and Walt, using a hairbrush as a microphone] Performing for our pets' birthdays.

Young Luan

What did the Dalmatian say after a snack? That hit the spot! Wow! ruff crowd! [Charles peed on her shoes] Dang it, Charles!

Luan

[Narrating] It was a long time before I was ready to try my act out in public.

Young Luan

Good one, Mr. Coconuts! You bowl me over!

Guess that one landed in the gutter, toots.

Young Luan

Ah! Curly fries!

Luan

[Narrating] Even then I still had a lot to learn about comedy. [Flashback to Luan graduating from clown school.] So I enrolled in a clowning academy. Finally, after paying my dues, I was able to build my own business.

Luan

How do turtles talk to each other? On their shell phones!