Lincoln quotes from The Loud House

Okay, you've gotta tell me what's going on.

This year, all of the shops on our block are competing to see who can create the scariest store. They've somehow convinced Ernesto Estrella to judge it.

Oh, he's that famous astrologist your abuela loves, right?

Yup. That's why she's a little crazed about her horchata. She really wants to impress Ernesto with it.

Have you two been down here hugging this whole time?

Bobby, what did I say about being lovey-dovey on Halloween?

Bobby

Sorry, Ronnie Anne, but this is a super-romantic holiday, and Lori and I wanna do it right. Well, after we finish decorating the mercado. Babe, we're in this awesome competition.

I was just filling Lincoln in. The scariest store gets to make a commercial with Ernesto Estrella.

Bobby

It would be huge for us! And we are so gonna win.

Lori

Thanks for coming, Lucy.

I'm flattered the Casagrandes want my help.

Thank you for letting Boris come along, too. I'm so excited for Halloween in the big city.

Lucy! Muchas gracias for helping us!

It's my pleasure, really. Scaring people brings me joy.

Bobby

[hugs Boris, mistaking him for Grandpa Leonard] And this must be the legendary Gramps that Lori's been telling us about. Nice to meet you, sir.

Boris is actually a child, but appreciates the sentiment.

Lori

Hey, Carlota. You look stressed. What's up?

I'm just really behind on making everyone's costumes for tonight. I'm never gonna finish on time.

Hmm. What if you had help? Leni is awesome with fashion.

Bobby

That's a great idea! Babe, would you mind going back to Royal Woods to get her? We'll still have plenty of time for our romantic Halloween celebration.

Oh, it would really help me out, Lori.

Lori

[sighs] Of course. Anything to help you guys win. [chuckles]

[quickly hugs her] Thank you so much for coming!

Leni

You can brief me on the way up. What are we looking at?

Silk, cotton, wool, and I was thinking… linen.

Leni

[gasps] Linen in October? Now, that's scary.

Bobby

[peeking out] Hi, Babe!

[noticing Lisa, also in tow] Lisa, what are you doing here?

None of our siblings found my musings on All-Hallows-Eve to be interesting, so they offered my 50 bucks to, and I quote, "Take my dull facts elsewhere."

Did someone say dull facts? You're speaking my language! Lisa, would you like to help me reassemble a skeleton while discussing the mythology behind this spooky holiday?

[gasps and squeals] I apologize for that amateurish display of emotion. Be right up!"

Lori

Ugh, Boo-Boo Bear, I am so ready to start our romantic Halloween celebration. Is the mercado all decorated?

Not yet. We just need to wrangle the pack of angry neighborhood cats, which means we need Lana.

Lori

[slumps in dismay] Ugh, seriously?!

It would mean a lot to me, mija.

Lori

Ugh. You know I can never say no to you, Mr. C.

[hugs her] I was counting on that.

I have an idea! Lucy can summon a ghost, right, Luce?

I don't think it's a good idea. I once summoned a ghost named Buzz, and things didn't go well. If I try again, I'm sure he'll be the first one through the portal.

Lori

[answers her phone as it rings] Hey, Lincoln.

Hi, Lori. I need to ask you a--

Lori

How do I look? Do I look okay?

You look…the same.

Lori

Okay. But do I look like someone you'd want in your life forever? I'm meeting Bobby's dad today and I'm really nervous, and it doesn't help it that my car's in the shop, the rain is ruining my hair, and I'm late!

Wait, you haven't met Arturo yet? But we all spent Christmas at the Casagrande's together.

Lori

We should have met them but… [Flashback to the ending events of "A Very Casagrandes Christmas"] As soon as we got there, I had to go to the bathroom. And he left before I got out. [quicky makes her way to the bathroom]

Feliz Navidad, Louds! Be right back. Rosa is sending me out for more masa. Wish me luck! [leaves as Lori exits the bathroom, relieved]

Lori

Then, we ended up leaving before he got back. But today, there's no masa standing in our way! I'm finally meeting him. And I need it to be perfect, Lincoln.

[looking into a Crystal Ball] That's Madame Mystery's crystal globe. [then sees a display case across the hall from it containing playing cards and a photo of a female magician] Ooh, and those are The Great Colangelo's Cards of Chaos. [looks and walks over to a small box with a series of sound slots below a red button protected by a translucent yellow cover; picks it up] Ooh, what's this? [shakes it] A box of magical wonders?

[takes the box] Close, it's a smoke alarm. [puts it back] Please don't touch anything. The chateau is full of trap doors. Rumor has it there are magicians who have gone missing in the chateau and have never been found.

That's awesome. [Brailster gives him a smirking look] I mean… not for them. Of course.

All right, team, we need a story that's gonna top last week's feature: Water Fountain Etiquette with Clyde. Any suggestions?

Hmm…

Ooh, I got one! Me!

[sighs] No, we're not doing another piece on your ab routine, Rusty.

Stella

[takes a box of complains] Yeah, we're still sifting through the complaint letters.

Say what you want. There's one name on everybody's lips.

[grabs and picks up Zach by the backpack after being tackled] You need two seconds to tell me what the blue blazes is going on!

Don't panic, but there's an alien inside of you, Mr. B. I can totally prove it! See [shows his detector] It's flashing, which means… [his detector is low on battery power] Low battery… [chuckles sheepishly] Let's just call this a whoopsie.

[drops him] A whoopsie?! We must call it… [yelling angrily in his face] TWO DAYS' DETENTION FOR TACKLING A TEACHER, GURDLE?! [storms off]

You okay, Zach?

Stella

We saw everything.

Uh, yeah. Well, at least it's only two days of detention. [his friends gasp] What? What's the big deal? I've had detention before.

Yeah, in elementary school. This is middle school! The other bullies are bigger, and so are their wedgies!

Yeah. Lynn once told me about a kid who went to detention, and the other kids gave him a wedgie very hard, it stunted his growth!

[shudders nervously] Oh, great. What am I gonna do?!

Don't worry, dawg. I'll be there to help you because I need to help you.

It's summer break for the Louds! That starts to mean three months of nonstop fun!

It's summer break for the Louds. That starts to mean three months of nonstop torture.

Lynn Sr.

Rita? Whose RV is this?

Rita

Ours! At least for the summer. Earlier today, I was in Jesse's office at the Gazette.

[on the phone] Here's the cover story, Linda: Travel writer does column about manure farms in Michigan. Editor Jesse Hiller, furious! Nobody wants to read about cow doo-doo over their morning coffee. Well, I've just been handed this news update: YOU'RE FIRED! [angrily hangs up] Oh, what am I gonna do, Rita? Wanted: Someone to write our summer travel column. Someone willing to hit the road, zigzagging the country in an RV, all expenses paid, willing to start extra, extra soon!

So does this mean…?

Rita

Yep, and she's letting me write the column! What do you say? You folks up for a summer-long adventure?

Finally, I'll escape this fourth-rate town!

[dismayed] How can it be out of business?!

What a shocker, huh? Who isn't into a bunch of creepy, old tchotchkes?

Rita

Aw, I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Lynn Sr.

Look on the bright side, kiddo. We've begun with a big summer ahead of us. I bet we'll find a mummy somewhere else cuz we want to find a mummy somewhere else!

[overhearing Lincoln, realizing he stole the Mummy's cursed ring and cursed the family] MOM! Lincoln stole a ring from the Mystic Mummy of Mystery and cursed our family!

Luna

Oh, come on!

Lori

Seriously?!

Way to go, Lincoln!

Bad Lincoln!

Not to mention the ring is tacky. [lightning strikes close to where she's standing] Sorry, Mr. Mystic Mummy of Mystery, sir!

Folks, I'm sorry. It was a honest mistake. Can't I just put it back?

Unfortunately, no. According to my spell book, once you put the ring on, you activated the curse.

Lynn Sr.

[dismayed] Well, that's just great! I guess we're cursed for life for now! Check that off the old bucket list!

Not necessarily. According to this, there is one way to lift the curse. We'll be able to make an offering to the spirit of the mummy cuz we wanna make an offering to the spirit of the mummy. But we'll gather ingredients for a potion first cuz we want to gather ingredients for a potion first.

Rita

I'm sorry. We do not need to have many times for that. We need to get to that barrel race. That mummy is just gonna wait. [tries to head back to Camperzilla, reaches for the door, but lightning strikes, knocking her back on her back] Okay, offering it is.

[sits up] Folks, it worked!

Lynn Sr.

[chuckles] Well, may you look at that if you people like to look at that? The Louds conquered a very ancient curse! Go, us!

Rita

[realizes] Just one problem. [checks her watch] We've only forgotten 30 minutes to get to Niagra Falls in time for the Barrel Day competition! We'll never make it cuz we never want to make it!

And that concludes our own tour. I'm surprised. I expected you to be trouble, but you were all well-behaved. Eh, too bad for me. I didn't get to let the dog out. [snarls at the Louds again in bulldog mode] Alright, please make your way to the White House exit. [leaves]

That is one strange little man.

Rita

Kids, I'm sorry you didn't get the tour you hoped for, but I'm proud of you for being very good. Now, who wants to hit the hotel pool?

Wait! We can't leave. There's one little problem. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Bowling Room, she accidentally tosses a bowling ball so hard, it breaks the wooden floor of a bowling lane and gasps in horror]

Actually, two little problems. [Flashback to her in the sundae room, she accidentally breaks off the handle of the ice cream dispenser, causing the ice cream to overflow]

Make that three little problems? [chuckles sheepishly; Flashback to her in the First Ladies' Boutique, she struts all over the floor, then trips, accidentally ripping the dress's bottom half off and gasps in horror]

Rita

[shocked and angry at all] Seriously?! I can't believe three of you!

Luna

Uh, make that four. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Music Room, she tries to rock out with a golden guitar and accidentally snaps off one of the strings]

Five. [Flashback to him in the President's office, he spins around in the president's swivel chair, accidentally spinning out of another whole control and hits a bust of Abraham Lincoln, trying to cause it to fall onto the ground and break into pieces, and gulps in horror]

Rita

Kids, how could you?! Your own favorite father and I are very disappointed, aren't we, honey?

Lynn Sr.

Uh… [sheepishly chuckles] Well, um… [Flashback to him in the kitchen, humming a tune as he plays with a spatula, then accidentally flings it into the president's birthday cake, which collapses]

Rita

[sharped] Lynn!

Lynn Sr.

You'll just enjoy plenty of times to yell at me later, Rita, before the Bulldog tries to track us down and sends us to the dungeon forever!

He's not gonna do that cuz he doesn't wanna let us sneak back in and fix everything before he notices.

[to the viewers while playing video games with Lana] You know, I'm really getting used to life on the whole road. Living with the bare essentials isn't very bad.

You said it.

Lori

[relaxing her favorite body and her on a massage chair; voice vibrating] RV living is literally the life for us. [Camperzilla suddenly comes to a halt; notices] Why're we stopping?

Rita

Very exciting news. For my next piece in the travel series, we are going to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado cuz we want to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado.

Cool.

Definitely rocky.

Luna

Sweet.

Rita

[pulls the blinds again after Lori shuts them] No, I meant we're going outside for an invigorating 10-mile hike! You folks love it!

Nah.

Luna

I'm good.

You folks have fun.

Lynn Sr.

[enters, wearing Lincoln's blue convincing suit, that's too tight for him; strained] Come on, fam.

Hmm… Is that my convincing suit?