[fed up] Dad wants me to serenade him for two hours in a major key, because minor keys remind him of his "suffering."
LLincoln
[also fed up] He asked if I could read him the latest David Steele comic, but skip the suspenseful parts because his "heart can't take it."
[coming down the stairs on her unicycle in her clown costume; also fed up] He asked me for a comedy routine, but not one that would make him LOL, because he's "so weak" he can only handle light chuckling.
Fear not. This Snoozy Time tea is sure to knock Father out.
[The Loud siblings arrive at Dr. Petersen's office and barge in after following their father's trail]
Has anyone seen a half-naked, delirious man with the sniffles and a love of drama?
PDr. Petersen
Oh, if it isn't the Loud kids, my favorite patients! You're the reason I was able to buy a pool and put in a water slide. [clears throat] Anyway, you must be here to see your dad.
PDr. Petersen
Yup. He showed up in his underwear, had a quick chat with a skeleton in my exam room, then fell asleep. [leads them to the exam room and see their father resting on the bed] I haven't seen him this exhausted since you kids all got the chicken pox at the same time.
Wow. I forgot about that.
PDr. Petersen
Well, that was nothing compared to when you all got the stomach flu. [they all leave the exam room] You should've seen him running around with a bucket catching your vomit for 10 days straight! [walks off, shuddering, and the Loud siblings cringe]
We're literally the worst.
Yeah. After all Dad's done for us our whole lives, we couldn't even take care of him for one day.
LLincoln
[getting an idea] But the day's not over.
[Super-hot day at the Loud House… Clyde, Liam, Rusty, Zach, Stella and Kara are all in the backyard of the Loud House, wearing their swim suits and sharing a pool while using fans to cool themselves from the heat]
Ooh-wee. It is hotter than a pig in a pepper patch.
LLincoln
[coming out the back door, carrying a bucket of ice] Okay, I got the ice! Get ready to chill. [accidentally trips on the fan's plug and falls on the ground, dropping the ice bucket on him as it melts]
There's got to be a better way to stay cool.
[smiles] Actually… [realizes] Oh, no. Never mind.
[giving in] Okay, fine. Know how I'm neighbors with Principal Ramirez? [her friends all nod yes] Well, I'm housesitting for her this weekend while she's at some teacher's conference, and… she has a pool! [her friends all talk at once with excitement] Technically, she never said I could use it. I'm just supposed to water the plants and feed her birds and stuff… [shrugs] But I guess I could ask. [takes out her phone]
LLincoln
I don't see why she wouldn't let us.
Please, Stella, I feel like I'm melting! [groans while sinking slowly into the pool]
[types a text and sends it] There. Text sent. Now we wait.
Uh, guys? Can we wait at her house? I think Lily wants her pool back.
[Lily is revealed to be in a bucket of water and scowls angrily at them for using her kiddie pool; Later… the gang arrives at Principal Ramirez's house where her three parrots are sitting on a perch in the backyard until Stella appears with a box of bird food]
Hey, guys! Here you go. [pours the food into their bowl]
[Her friends dash over and gasp in amazement at the pool as it glimmers in the beautiful sunlight]
LLincoln
Ooh! This is exactly what we needed! [to Stella] Did she text back yet?
[checks her phone while Ramirez's parrots eat their food] Negative. We shouldn't go in until we hear back, so just hang out until then. [goes inside the house]
[takes out a spray can of sunscreen] Better reapply my sunscreen. Gotta protect my epiderm. Know what I mean? [sprays himself and Zach in his sunscreen, which covers Zach's glasses]
[blowing his whistle] No running! [his friends all look at him, puzzled] Sorry. Reflexes. My dads made me get lifeguard training before I was allowed to bathe alone.
[The gang is then sitting beside the pool, all looking bored]
[throws a life ring in the pool; wearing an inflatable swan] Well, I've pre-floated all the floaties. Come on, Ramirez. Send that text!
[checks her phone] Sorry, guys. Still nothing.
[sitting on the slide; groans] It's so hot! [slides down it, stopping just before he enters the pool while groaning]
[sighs] What if she never texts back? Well, what if she lost her phone? Or her mind? You know how wild teacher conferences get.
LLincoln
You know what, I'm just gonna dip my toe in.
[As the gang happily enjoy themselves in Principal Ramirez's backyard pool…]
[carrying a tray with three glasses of tropical smoothies he made] Who's ready for more of Chef Clyde's famous tropical smoothies? [gives one to Stella] Cheers to Stella, the pool party hostess with the mostest.
Rusty Spokes cannonball! [dives in; sighs] This is the life!
[takes out her phone as it beeps; excited] You guys! Principal Ramirez finally texted back!
LLincoln
It's about time. Make sure to thank her for us.
[checks her phone, stunningly shocked; nervously] Uh, guys? [Principal Ramirez's response is shown as emojis] She texted a thumbs-down emoji, an angry face emoji, and an explosion emoji. She super does not want us in the pool!
[looks back at her phone, getting another text] She sent another text. Car emoji, "Back in an hour," clock emoji. [gasps fearfully; frantically] EVERYBODY OUT!!!
That should be everything. The only evidence is my tense, nagging guilt.
[relieved] Thank you, guys. Now you better go. Principal Ramirez will be here in 20 minutes.
[Lincoln and his other friends start to leave]
LLincoln
Don't be nervous. There's no way Ramirez will know we used the pool. [starts to leave, until…]
[caws; mimicking Lincoln] There's no way Ramirez will know we used the pool.
[shocked] Did they just--?!
GPGreen Parrot
[caws; mimicking Zach] Pool party!
[horrified] They're repeating what we said!
Those featherheads are gonna rat us out!
[takes out a roll of duct tape] Oh, no, they won't! [attempts to tape their beaks shut, causing them to shriek in terror]
[grabs the duct tape out of her hands] You're not taping their beaks shut, Kara.
[The parrots squawk in relief]
LLincoln
Wait, guys, there's no reason why Ramirez would think they were talking about us.
[mimicking Rusty] Rusty Spokes cannonball!
[relieved] Phew. It's just Rusty.
[offended] Kara! Not cool, dawg!
GPGreen Parrot
[mimicking Clyde] Stella, the pool party hostess with the mostest! [squawks]
[squawks; also mimicking Clyde] Chef Clyde's tropical smoothies!
[sighs, realizing she's wrong] We're toast.
Welp, there goes my recommendation to U of M.
[disappointed] No. I'm the one she trusted, and it was my idea. I'll tell her it was all my fault.
[frustrated when the green parrot mimics him] Why am I being singled out?!
LLincoln
Maybe it's not enough to teach them new phrases. We have to make them forget the old ones! [swinging a round cracker tied to a string like a pendulum in front of the parrots' faces] You are getting very sleepy. You will fall into a deep sleep and forget all about the pool party.
[The parrots enter the hypnosis spell… and so does Zach]
[notices] Uh-oh, I think Zach caught some stray hypno-rays!
[collapses and stands up; groaning] Where am I? Why am I looking at birds?
They aren't saying anything, so I think it worked.
Yeah! They forgot all about the pool party, Lincoln.
[squawks; mimicking Clyde] Pool party, Lincoln.
[realizing he messed up] Whoopsie.
LLincoln
[groans] I gotta start over again.
Don't bother, yo. I just came up with a better idea. [then shown in front of the house, waving to his cousin Derek; holding birdcage with a blanket covering it] Thanks, D-Dawg! [brings the cage into the backyard] Cousin Derek comes through again. I sent him a picture and he got three identical birds in under 30 minutes!
I still don't feel good about replacing Ramirez's birds.
LLincoln
It's only until Lisa can wipe the memory. We can sneak them back here next week.
Behold! [pulls the blanket off the cage, revealing a featherless parrot, another parrot with an eyepatch, and a third parrot with a black beak]
Rusty, these birds look nothing like Ramirez's!
Relax. Cousin Derek also sold me bird paint. [holds up three cans of bird paint with a logo of parrot (which resembles Sergio), corresponding to the original parrots' feather colors; paints the replacement parrots to look identical to Principal Ramirez's] Oh, missed a spot. Done!
I must admit, they don't look that bad… if you squint.
FPFeatherless Parrot
[in Italian] Buongiorno! (translation: Good day!)
EPEyepatch Parrot
[also in Italian] Come stai? (translation: How are you?)
[surprised in anger] Rusty, these birds speak Italian!
NYNew York Parrot
Yo, forget about it.
Not that one. He's from New York.
Either way, Principal Ramirez is gonna know they're not her birds! [pulls out her phone, getting a text] It's her! "Five minutes away", car emoji, smiley face emoji.
She's really going hard on the emojis.
[out of options] Welp, guess I'll have to face the music.
LLincoln
No, we all will.
NYNew York Parrot
How you doing?
Not great, but thanks for asking.
[Five minutes later… Principal Ramirez parks her car into the driveway of her house just as Stella returns the original parrots to their perch and Rusty hides the replacement ones in his hair]
[hastily as Principal Ramirez enters the backyard] Principal Ramirez. I bet you're wondering why we're all standing around here in our swimming costumes.
Not really. [shoves him, Zach and Kara out of the way; to her parrots, happily] There you are! Oh, my babies! Mommy missed you! [gives them smooches]
[mimicking Rusty] Rusty Spokes cannonball!
GPGreen Parrot
[squawks; mimicking Zach] Stella's pool party!
[mimicking Colonel Austin] Hasta la bye-bye, chump!
Yeah, about that. We can explain. We really messed up. We used the pool before we got your text.
LLincoln
We're really sorry.
[sighs] I'll just go to community college.
[puzzled] Wait, wait, wait. I'm confused. I told you to use the pool. Didn't you read my text?
[holds up her phone; confused] The one with the angry face emoji?
Angry face? I thought that was the "It's hot" emoji. [takes out her phone] See? I said, "I'm down. It's super hot. Swimming is the bomb."
[Lincoln and his sisters are all eating chicken pot pie for lunch at the dining room table while Luna and Luan sit on opposite sides, glaring darkly at each other]
[sensing some drama between them] So, how's your act going, Luan?
I don't know, Lola. Why don't you ask Luna how my act is going? [stabs her fork into her pie, crossly, splattering it all over Lincoln's face]
[squirting ketchup on hers; also cross] What's that supposed to mean? [bangs the ketchup, squirting it onto Lucy's head]
Oh, I think you know. [slams her fists on the table, flinging and splattering her pie on Leni and Lola's faces]
LLincoln
[sighs; to Leni, Lucy and Lola] Ponchos out, people. [they duck under the table and pop back up nervously, all wearing yellow ponchos]
Hey, Leni, can you pass the chicken pot spy? Oh, sorry. Pie?
Huh! Excuse me. I don't like your drone. Oops, I mean, tone.
I knew there'd be drama! [takes out a bucket of popcorn] Good thing I came prepared.
Okay, real talk. What the heck happened to us supporting each other?! I mean, spying on me? Seriously?!
[rolls her eyes; fed up] Give me a break, dude. I caught you doing the same exact thing! Admit it. [bangs the table] All you care about is winning!
[bangs the table, also fed up] Like you're any better!
[confused] Am I supposed to pass the chicken pot pie or not?
You know what? Whatever. From now on, it's every sister for herself! [walks off into the kitchen, having enough]
Fine! Works for me! [walks off into the living room, also having having enough]
[The Louds and Clyde arrive at Camp Mastadon where they're staying for the summer]
Here they are! [gives his grandkids a big hug] Welcome to camp, family! Settle in!
LLincoln
My family and Clyde are spending the summer at Camp Mastodon. [tries to pull his orange suitcase out of the luggage only to cause it to collapse on top of him] My older sisters get to be camp counselors…
[giving his five older granddaughters their camp counselor uniforms] Here. You each get a special T-shirt that lets the kids know you're in charge! [Luna rips the sleeves off hers] Luna! That was brand new!
LLincoln
Dad's gonna be camp cook… Mom wants to revive The Mastadon Minute.
[reading the newspaper's headline] "New invention hits mess hall: The toaster."
LLincoln
The rest of us get to be campers. We're all so excited!
[Lincoln and Clyde enter the Tick bunk and meet their new bunkmates: Marshall and Iggy]
LLincoln
Hello, fellow Ticks! I'm Lincoln, and this is Clyde. [notices the Rip posters] Holy hardcore! You guys are Rip fans too?
[The four boys all imitate bird calls]
MMarshall
Only hardcore hardcore fans can do Rip's macaw call! Welcome to the Tick bunk. I'm Marshall. That's Iggy.
IIggy
I'm a Rip Hardcore collector. Check out my latest score: A wooden recorder that Rip whittled out of the bark from a mango tree!
LCLincoln & Clyde
[awestruck] Whoa...!
[Iggy starts playing a tune of the recorder, which sounds really bad for Marshall's reaction]
Oh, that reminds me. A present my dads gave me: [puts it on the nearby dresser] Rip's Tips of the Day mini-calendar!
MMarshall
[flips the calendar open to the current month] Check out today's tip: "You can make a sail out of underpants."
Does it specify whether that's boxers or briefs? Ah, doesn't matter… I'm wearing both!
[Royal Woods Middle School; The students are celebrating Grandparents' Day with their grandparents]
LLincoln
[holding a tray of pancakes with onions and wild boar; to the viewers] Today is Grandparents' Day at my school, which is why my Gran-Gran is here!
Ooh, Chef Pat, the pancakes look delicious. I'll take a whole stack.
Enjoy. [gives her a stack] These are my Grandma Chef Pat's famous wild boar pancakes. In honor of Grandparents' Day, I'm making all of her recipes!
LLincoln
[walking out of the house; to the viewers] It's my favorite day of the week: Shelby Saturday! That's when my cousin Shelby comes to hang out while Uncle Lance and Aunt Sharon check in their new gym in Royal Woods.
[Lance's truck pulls over and runs over the Loud family's mailbox; The door opens, and Shelby comes out with a scooter]
[off-screen] Have fun! We'll see you this afternoon!
LLincoln
[sadly exits Vanzilla and knocks on the front door of Clyde's house; Clyde answers the door] Happy Birthday, Clyde.
Whoa! What's with the mud and the look of shame? Are you okay?
LLincoln
It's a long story. [fade to nighttime; finishing telling Clyde everything that happened] But I forgot the lamp was in there, and it leaked all over my phone and destroyed the message! So I got you nothing. I'm really sorry, buddy.
[talking to Lincoln and Clyde about hearing one of the students calling her a teacher's pet while doing crunches in gym class] I mean… Teacher's pet? Can you believe he said that?! [frantically] What was that? That was a look. You exchanged a look.
No, we didn't. We were just… doing eyeball stretches. [Lincoln agrees and they glance in random directions] Good for your peripheral vision. Ow! Ocular cramp.
LLincoln
Okay, look. We may have heard a few people call you a Goody-Two-Shoes.
[flings the medicine ball in shock which sends Lincoln flying back] What?! They called me a Goody-Two-Shoes too?! That's even worse than I thought!
Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I get it all the time and I'm cool with it.
The Loud House · 632 quotes
