Sophia Petrillo quotes from The Golden Girls

Sophia

My name is Sophia Petrillo and my idea of a good psychiatrist is a bartender who pours without a spout.

Sophia

[to Blanche] You know what I can't stand anymore? That phony accent of yours. What is this, Designing Women?

Sophia

[to Dr. Ashley] I knew you were a quack! If you were a legitimate shrink you would've strung us along for months!

Sophia

[after Dorothy's prank to get Sophia to sit on the whoopee cushion fails] Don't try to outsmart me, Dorothy. I've got the mind of a fox and the butt muscles of Baryshnikov!

Sophia

[upon meeting Blanche's overweight daughter, a former model] What did she model, car covers?

Sophia

Rose is my daughter now. And you, Dorothy, are the biggest disappointment to hit the streets since the AMC Pacer!

Sophia

[crawling between Dorothy and Stan in bed] Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall! Try to climb over me, and you'll know what barbed wire between your legs feels like!

Sophia

[on Rocco] This is the last time I let a man toy with my emotions. From now on, it's strictly physical!

Sophia

Look Rose, God doesn't make mistakes, we were all put on this planet for a purpose. Blanche, you're here to work in a museum so that art can be appreciated by humanity. Dorothy, you're here as a substitute teacher to educate our youth. And Rose, you're here because the rhythm method was very popular in the 20's.

Sophia

Which of you brothers has custody of the brain?

Sophia

Stanley, Stanley, don't worry. I'm eighty-two years old. My bones are brittle, my muscles are atrophied. My circulation is worse than U.S. News and World Report. There's no physical they can give that Sophia Petrillo can't fail!

Sophia

Gee, you save a guy's life and all you get is apple juice and a cookie?

Sophia

Sorry Dorothy. There are two things a Sicilian won't do: Lie about pizza, and file a tax return.

Sophia

[seeing Blanche hold Rose in a dirty dancing pose] What they do is their business, but if I ever see your hand on Rose's behind, it'll kill me!

Sophia

Ribs, great... why don't you just kick the dentures out of my mouth?!