Rose Nylund quotes from The Golden Girls

Rose

The doctor says it's the first time he's ever been called because a baby was sleeping in the day. And then I think he called me an idiot.

Rose

Blanche, call the police! I just saw a big, ugly man with a limp walk past my bedroom window. He was wearing Dorothy's coat! [she sees Dorothy sitting on the bed] But then again it was dark and I tend to overdramatize.

Rose

[pretending the dog is talking to her] Don't explain, Rose. I used to live with a couple of bitches myself.

Rose

[describing what she saw] And at the information desk was this huge train schedule. And next to every departure it said "Destination: Heaven." My first thought was, "Gee, what a great title for a movie!" My second thought was "Damn! I'm dead!"

Rose

My uncle Lester only had one tooth and he could eat corn on the cob...Course he didn't actually get a lot of it into his mouth. So they'd cream what fell on his pants and he'd eat it later.

Rose

Girls! Girls, Count Bessie is missing. I went out to the garage to feed 'er and her cage was empty. Where could she be?

Rose

I know you can't really be here with me, Charlie. It's taken me these past eight months to accept that, but I finally have. Then why our usual little private birthday celebration? It somehow feels less lonely, Charlie. I mean this is the first special day I've had to spend without you. If it had been Christmas, I'd probably have hung your stocking. Or if it had been your birthday, I probably would have still asked the clerk down at Tuttle's to help me pick out a tie for you. Oh, I'll bet that would have gotten me some strange looks from the sales staff. Although they already look at me strangely because of the time I tried to special-order a double-breasted navy suit with a drop seat in the pants for Cousin Wendell. Anyway, that was part of the reason. The other part was I wanted to talk to you. I know I didn't need a special occasion for that. It'd be more of an occasion if I stopped talking. But I, I figured since it was my birthday, you wouldn't be upset when you hear what I've got to tell you. I've decided to sell the house and leave St. Olaf, Charlie. The winters are rough here in Minnesota, and this place is too filled with memories to let me get on with my life. I need to start over without you, Charlie, and I think this is the best way. I know it'll be tough in a strange town all alone, but I've read some wonderful things about Miami. It won't be long before I meet nice people and... and make some new friends. I have a real good feeling about that. So I just wanted you to know what I decided. I hope to be in Florida before the next winter comes, but I know that wherever I am, you'll be right there with me. I love you, Charlie. I miss you.

Rose

[seeing the Elvis impersonators] Uh oh. Either I mixed the Elvis list with the wedding list or everyone in Max's family appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show.

Rose

[to Enrique, the consumers reporter, on why she should get the production assistant job.] I am the battered consumer. I drive a Gremlin, for god's sake!

Rose

Like we say in St. Olaf, Christmas without fruitcake is like Saint Sigmund's Day without the Headless Boy!

Rose

I haven't been this scared since 1952, when St. Olaf's most active volcano threatened to erupt. Well, luckily, there was some Druid priests who were in town for the opening of Stonehenge Land. They said they could stop it if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin...I don't know why I raised my hand. It must have just been the excitement of the moment. But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was to crawl through their legs up the volcano while they gave me my birthday whacks. Well, and you're not gonna believe this, it turns out they weren't druid priests at all, just a bunch of shriners looking for a good time.

Rose

[on a St. Olaf plot to end World War II] The plan was, we'd drop these highly trained attack cows behind enemy lines. Problem is, it wasn't until they were airborne that we realized, cows can't pull a ripcord!

Rose

[about Blanche's chance to see her living husband] Tell him you love him. Tell you hate him, I don't care! Just see him before he leaves. Do it for yourself. Do it for all of us who wish we had the chance.

Rose

[outraged about Agnes Bradshaw posthumously winning the Volunteer of the Year award] It's a fix! She's dead! She doesn't need that on her mantle! She's on her mantle! [Blanche and Dorothy pull Rose to sit back down at her table]