Sophia Petrillo quotes from The Golden Girls

Sophia

[angrily, after the girls choose Mama Celeste's pizza over hers in a taste test] You can't pick men and you can't pick pizza!

Sophia

Let me tell you a story. Sicily. 1912. Picture this. Two young girls, best friends, who share three things: a pizza recipe, some dough and a dream. Everything is going great until one day a fast talking pepperoni salesman gallops into town. Of course, both girls are impressed. He dates one one night, the other the next night. Pretty soon, he drives a wedge between them. Before you know it, the pizza suffers, the business suffers, the friendship suffers. The girls part company and head for America, never to see one another again. Rose, one of those girls was me. The other one you probably know as Mama Celeste.

Sophia

I'm an old white woman. I'm not supposed to have color. You want color? Talk to Lena Horne.

Sophia

[tasting her sauce] Mmm... if this sauce was a person I'd get naked and make love to it.

Sophia

[after Rose fires her gun and shatters Blanche's vase] I manage to live 80, 81 years. I survived pneumonia, two operations, a stroke. One night I'll belch and Stable Mabel here will blow my head off!

Sophia

My son married a welder. Too bad she didn't weld his zipper shut; they got ten kids they can't afford.

Sophia

[seeing Blanche in her old retro-like outfit] Who invited Gidget to the garage sale?

Sophia

[upon learning that she's not invited to see Burt Reynolds with the others] Fine, break an old lady's heart. If you need me I'll be out back with the rest of the garbage!

Sophia

Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless.

Sophia

Jean is a nice person. She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat.

Sophia

I slept with my two brothers until I was seventeen. I was engaged to one for a very short period of time, but that's a separate story.

Sophia

[on Tony] He's the best catch in town! He's got his own hair, his own teeth, and a totally unrestricted driver's license. Hey, at my age, that's like dating Tom Cruise!

Sophia

Twenty-five grand in 10 seconds? Now I know how Johnny Carson feels!

Sophia

[about Dorothy's joke] Just because you have a chin doesn't mean you're Jay Leno.

Sophia

Let me tell you girls the three most important things I've learned about life. Number one, hold fast to your friends. Number two, there's no such thing as security. Number three, don't go see Ishtar. Woof! [makes face]