Hi girls, tell me, how did the audition for the play go?
Awful! We just got two tiny parts.
We're doing The Sound of Music and Blanche is mad 'cause she didn't get the lead.
Oh, I can't believe that you weren't cast in the lead role! You've gotten it the past five years in a row!
Well, they hired a new director this year, and he has no taste.
Blanche used to sleep with the old one. The new director's gay!
A gay theater director, did you ever hear of such a thing?
That's absolutely shocking. The next thing you know, they'll have black basketball players in the NBA.
[rehearsing The Sound of Music]
The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming!
[Sophia runs into the room]
Everybody grab a gun and run to the basement! Come on! Move, move!
[Rose and Blanche help Sophia onto the couch and try to calm her down]
Sophia, now just relax, we're just going over our lines for The Sound of Music.
[upon learning that the airport is closed because of the hurricane] That means we could be trapped together for days!
[still in nun's costume] Oh, JESUS!
[Angelo, who is unaware that Blanche isn't really a nun, looks at her with a shocked expression.]
...Please protect us and watch over us in this our hour of need!
Hurricanes can be kind of fun. I remember one when I was married!
Uh... Mary. When I was Mary in the Christmas pageant at the convent, remember that, Sister Rose?
Oh, yes, Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
She'd have to be, to make anyone believe she was a virgin!
Stanley, you're a pig in a cheap suit!
Ya know, for two cents...
...you could get a better toupee?
Okay, that's it, I've had enough, I'm not going on with this anymore!
[pointing] Angelo, look! Saint Francis of Assisi!
[While Angelo is looking away, Sophia slaps Stan across the face.]
Shut up and play ball, you yutz! [To Angelo] False alarm, never mind.
Sophia, you're lookin' terrific! You haven't changed a bit in 40 years!
Angelo, you're a priest, you shouldn't lie!
Ah, don't worry about it, don't worry about it. Before the trip I said an extra fifty Hail Mary's in case I felt like cutting loose. ... Dorothy!
Uncle Angelo, it is so good to see you!
Dorothy, you know something, you look more beautiful now than you did on your wedding day.
He just used up all fifty Hail Mary's on that one.
Stan, you still a funny guy, got a sense of humor still, eh? [To Dorothy] He still make you laugh like he used to?
Well, not really, but then again I haven't seen him naked lately.
[on the phone, unaware that Angelo is in the kitchen] Hi Walter, how are you? ... Yeah, I feel like a caged animal in heat too. ... Walter, you naughty boy! Keep on talkin'! ... What am I wearing? Well, to be perfectly honest, A NUN'S OUTFIT! ... Oh, sounds good to me, uh huh. I'll be over just as soon as this storm lets up! [hangs up, then sees Angelo staring at her quizzically; to Angelo] He's a leper. And I'm the only one who'll touch him.
[Angelo, not knowing Stan and Dorothy are divorced, brings Stan into Dorothy's room at night. When Angelo leaves, Stan sits on the end of the bed]
SStan
Dorothy, I know it's been a while, but try to control yourself, I need to get some rest. [Dorothy kicks him off of the bed] What the hell was that for?!
DDorothy
Stanley, you're not getting into this bed!
SStan
Well, where the hell am I supposed to sleep?
DDorothy
On the floor, like any dog.
SStan
Fine! [grabs pillow and sheets] Just fine! Stan Zbornak doesn't have to beg a woman to get into bed! Women come to me!
DDorothy
Oh, sure. Right after they get the approval number on your MasterCard!
[Stan gets on the floor and lays down as Dorothy turns off the light. He starts laughing]
DDorothy
Stanley, if you're doing what I think you're doing, you're in big trouble.
