Krabs quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught ya. I want ya to buy Mrs. Puff--

[holds up his arms] Wait! Don't tell me! You want me to run down to the store, and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need! Then you want me to RUN back here, [flails his legs back and forth] so you can say, [pulls his eyes through the top of his head so they look like Krabs' eyes and mimics Krabs' voice] "Arrgh, SpongeBob, you're spending' all me money!" And then I'll say, "But Mr. Krabs! I'm only doing WHAT YOU SAID!" Then you'll say, "We're not talkin' about this [draws a triangle with dashed lines in the air with his finger], or THIS [draws a square with dashed lines], we're talkin' about THIIIIIIIS!" [draws a ton of directionless squiggly lines; pants]

But, lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff needs this!

Mrs. Puff

[surrounded by all the nice gifts Krabs had SpongeBob buy her] Are we... going to the park soon?

Please, lad, I'm beggin' ya! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! [Starts to cry]

Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Come on. Okay, I, I'm gonna get it, see? [Walks off-screen, and comes back with a washing machine] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs, Here's that washing machine you wanted.

Cheer up? How can I cheer up... when you're spendin' all me hard-earned cash?!

See? You just did it again!

Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money! [SpongeBob gets a blank expression on his face] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?

[stoically] Well, Mr. Krabs, do you wanna know what I think? [cut to Mrs. Puff] ARRGH...!! REGGA FLEBBA BREEKA BRECKA SMULLEN-ELLEN MR. KRABS!!! YEGGA HEGGA MERGIN WALLET!!! DIMMY MIDDY SPEND!!! RIVY FLIVY DIVA SHIVA MR. KRABS’ WALLET!!!!!

[Mrs. Puff reads what he said in a dictionary; SpongeBob marches past her grumbling in anger as Mr. Krabs is left smack-jawed.]

Mrs. Puff

I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say, too Mr. Krabs. [she kicks off her shoes] I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. [she removes her hat and coat] I'd rather go Dutch...if you don't mind. [She pulls out her wallet and gives Mr. Krabs some money]

KKrabs

Uh, ok.

Mrs. Puff

You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs.

[She kisses his left eye and both eyes form the shape of a heart as the episode ends].

S2 Krusty Love

View quote →

[SpongeBob runs up to Mr. Krabs and then slaps him]

SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.

Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear? [slaps him again]

SpongeBob, let me handle this. [turns a light on Mr. Krabs] Where's Mr. Krabs?

[confused] What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs.

[slaps Mr. Krabs again] We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?

I'm Mr. Krabs!

Where's Mr. Krabs?

KKrabs

I'm Mr. Krabs!

Where's Mr. Krabs?

I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!

This is one stubborn robot.

[confused for a moment, he finally blows his lid, yelling so loudly he causes SpongeBob and a nearby lamp to fall from the force] WHAT?! YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!

We don't think; we know.

That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I AM MR. KRABS!

S3 Krab Borg

View quote →

[at the guillotine] Well, I guess this is it, Patrick.

Patrick

I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, SpongeBob! [crying]

I'll miss you, too, buddy! [both sobbing as King Krabs crashes into the guillotine, breaking it]

[Dragon takes Princess Pearl away]

Princess Pearl

Daddy, help!

KKKing Krabs

Pearl! [cries] Can no one stop this madness?! [sun shines on SpongeBob and Patrick] You two, my apologies. [kisses their feet] Most noble and valiant warriors.

Patrick

I guess this is what you call the royal treatment.

S4 E6 Dunces and Dragons

View quote →

[Plankton unplugs SpongeBob's ear drum]

PPlankton

Let me see what I can tune in here. Hmm.